Cole's thread for bereaved muumies: like the sands on the beach that never wash away. I watch over my surviving mum, who thinks of me each day.

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Welcome to our santuary and haven ladies.

Many thanks for Frasersmummy for passing the baton onto Cole and I. I am touched and hope I can do all our lo's justice.

For any people wanting to join, don't be shy. We cry, we rant, we smile, we laugh - whatever we feel like we need to do.

That poor poor family...........

OMG - how truly awful. We should make the most of every single minute of every single day.....nobody knows what tomorrow will bring

Oh TW - that so so sad. Awful that someone else has to go through this pain too.

Work meeting postponed......................2nd Feb now!!!!!

Oh Lottie - thats rubbish xx

TW was stalking Shabs and just saw your post. So for all involved. Similar thing happened to my sister, hubbie died in bed next to her (aorta packed up unexpectedly in October) Their 4th is due in April.

Lots of support needed for a very long time.

VW that is awful , there is just too much sadness around sometimes isn't there ?

I am so sorry for your sister .

big hugs to everyone xx its pretty crap all around atmx

Long story TW and I dont mind if Shabs fills you all in one day as it it's very complicated.

I have witnessed first hand the devastation and it is just so gut wrenchingly awful. I'm trying to be a clever adult and not use bad languae to explain how shite it is....ooops

One of the most helpful things in those first weeks was people dropping things like Lasagne/Shepherds pie etc in foil trays off so she could either cook them that night or freeze for another day.

Sorry to hijack girls, things seemed gloomy pre-christmas and they just dont seem to have picked up at all....... must be a ray of sunshine about to break through anyday now

Thanks VS , I was thinking about the food thing , I know I didn't care about food but I had the luxury of it not mattering but she will have to still feed those children and of course her bf baby . I know her parents are staying for a while so I will probably leave it until after the funeral when as most of us know people seem to dissapear

Tbh, in the days after my husband died, i was overwhelmed with people... family and friends rallied round... the house was always full. There was always someone around to do something for me, and that was a great help. However in the days after the funeral, looking back it was then that i needed help the most. Everyone seemed to leave and i was finally on my own with a very confused three year old and a demanding 11 week old. It was hard, and i felt so very much alone. It's been five months now and i miss him all the time. I miss his presence here... even if we just sat and didn't talk... just knowing he was here. I miss having somebody to do nothing with.

I guess what i'm trying to say in a very haphasard way, is that the support shouln't just stop when the funeral is over, yunno?

That is such a difficult time isin't it Dee? Its a time of limbo and 'nothingness.' We still had a lot of people coming round but they couldnt do anything to stop the longing I had to see my sons x

The children are 4 and 3 and 5 days old .

I agree with you Dee about the afterwards being harder . I will send a card now but in a couple of weeks I will get in touch and see how she is . I know we had a very busy house at first but it can't last and it doesn't . My heart just breaks for her .

Evening ladies xxxxxxxxxx

Good morning girls xx

Good morning all xx

Hiya TW everything ok with you love?

Not bad thanks , onwards and upwards and all that . Hows you this morning ?

not too bad love.....freezing and very dark here in Lancashire BUT sun forecast for the day.......cant wait for the Summer - Winter is not my favourite time. xx

I want some sunshine too , I am fed up waking up in the dark .

I have decided I am going to speak to one of the friends of the woman whose husband died today and see what if anything I can do to help . Maybe try and sort out some sort of cooking rota or something for after the funeral . I do now know why people used to feel so useless round me .

That is a great idea love....I once washed and ironed for a friend who had lost her husband. Just used to go and see her and bring her washing basket home I think we often say 'if there's anything I can do just let me know.' Most of the time when we have lost a loved one we dont know what needs doing.