Cole's thread for bereaved muumies: like the sands on the beach that never wash away. I watch over my surviving mum, who thinks of me each day.

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Welcome to our santuary and haven ladies.

Many thanks for Frasersmummy for passing the baton onto Cole and I. I am touched and hope I can do all our lo's justice.

For any people wanting to join, don't be shy. We cry, we rant, we smile, we laugh - whatever we feel like we need to do.

The liver especially is amazing , he will feel soooo much better in a couple of weeks I am sure .

Everlong , you are right this isn't a "normal" depression , but I do think the cbt will help you . Do you have a date through for it yet ?

Don't worry about not going to the meeting , there will be plenty more . I doubt many people actually make the first one they are supposed to go to . I know I would feel very daunted by it , but I also know that everyone I have spoken to that has been , has gotten a lot of comfort from them .

I didn't have anti depressants - I did the 'I'm fine thanks I dont need any help from anybody.' I wish I had fell apart to be honest - the rest of my family did and I just looked around at all of them sobbing and thought 'I guess Im going to have to be everybodys prop then' I still, silently, resent all of them to this day. I have a very bad habbit of supressing stuff and it is the worst thing you can do.

I think you have to give the Prozac a little while to 'kick in.' Probably a mixture of the tablets and some counselling would be the best plan - in my opinion. The only other thing that works, and I hate to say these words - is time (OMG I hate that phrase but it is true)

I only went to one CF meeting - I wanted to run out. I found more comfort when I 'met' Triplets - we used to ring each other and start off sobbing and end up screaming with laughter.

Talking together on MN is very helpful, especially on this thread. xxxxxx

PS I'm fine thanks (look I did it again )

Yes I think that may be a bit unrealistic. Its a weird thing - time - suddenly you realise you have not thought of your child for a few hours, then you feel guilty! Slowly but surely (and its a different amount of time for everybody) the shock, the pain, the whole thing softens around the edges. It does bite your arse bum from time to time but it does go 'easier.' I honestly think that we just 'learn to live with it.'

I think I am strong but I dont want to be. It was just 'forced upon me.' This year will be 27 years since we lost Gareth and 17 years since Matt was killed. Not sure how I made it to here - but there is still a long crappy path to walk.

Everlong , I found the time thing a weird one as well . I think for me it has definetly helped and although I do still have my dark times , they are shorter and I know I will come out the other end where as in the beginning the pain and the strength of emotion was so scary for me and I couldn't ever see how I would be "ok" again .

I think the grieving was different for us because we didn't have other children at the time so we were "allowed" to completely fall apart and be a proper mess for quite a long time . I didn't have to pick myself up and put a smile on for anyone else . Weirdly for me as time has gone on I find I put on the smile more than I ever did .

Thats really interesting TW - I had to do the 'stiff upper lip crap' for Danny - he had to be fed, clothed, washed, loved etc etc - he had a high price to pay for the loss of his brothers - he became 'my reason to live.' Big ask of a little boy - I know that now but our love for each other is very strong - thank God.

BY the sounds of your Danny you have done a fab job

One of the scariest things for me when I got pregnant with Jamie was how would I cope being all big and strong all the time for him . After all he wouldn't be interested as he had never met Harry and what would it matter to him ? BUt I have been surprised at how interested he is and because we have always talked about him and we have got photos of him around , he does still feel like his brother and a part of the family .

I do think we did have it easier because I just can't imagine having to give a shit about cooking , cleaning and all the day to day stuff when you are in those early days / weeks / months of grieving . I know I would have done it but I think having that intense time just to concentrate on the hell that was not having Harry here I do think helped us .

Afternoon all, glad I missed the twin thread, I think it would've made me unbearably sad.

Ds1 is seeing a therapist this week to talk about some stuff - he's been saying things that have really upset me, lots of questions about what happened, why the drs couldn't make his twin better. Hopefully she'll be able to help him, and also help me deal with the questions.

Ds3 has to go to hospital next week for a heart echo, I'm sure everything is going to be fine but am DREADING being near a hospital again. I hate the damn places.

Hope you're all OK, don't get much time to post ....

hi girls hope you all ok,not a very good weekend my aunt died suddenly yesterday, i havent seen her for a long while,n
but as kids she was great a very big lady with the biggest laugh ever,feel guilty as not seen her for long time.
hope wilfred got on ok today,and im so pleased for trips and her dh.
well ds went to a party and didnt drink we are on nineteen days nowx
anyway catch up laterxxxx
love to you alllxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi girls hope you all ok,not a very good weekend my aunt died suddenly yesterday, i havent seen her for a long while,n
but as kids she was great a very big lady with the biggest laugh ever,feel guilty as not seen her for long time.
hope wilfred got on ok today,and im so pleased for trips and her dh.
well ds went to a party and didnt drink we are on nineteen days nowx
anyway catch up laterxxxx
love to you alllxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ah, Hazy - sorry to hear about your Aunt. My condolences. And a big well done to your son - he's doing so well.

Hi all, have not had a very good day.......... started off with Wilf asking me to find him a new Daddy to take him out in a car as i cant drive and on holiday! Then he had an almighty blow up in the street in London because i wouldnt buy him something, i got punched kicked and hit!The doctor at the hospital had a very stressed Mum and a very teenagery stroppy Wilfred to deal with who closed his eyes and covered his ears for the interpreter!! He has improved this evening but am now feeling exhausted!

Thanks.......hes not an actual teenager for another six months but he is behaving like one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is in bed now and i wont be far behind him!!!

Good morning all

Hazy , I am so sorry to hear about your auntie . And it sounds like your son is really doing well , you must be really proud of him .

Lottie , I hope Wilf is in a brighter mood today .

I hope everyone is ok this morning , nothing excited planned for today , just the usual round of cleaning and cooking and entertaining .

xx

Good morning girls xx

Morning Folks.

Lottie - sounds like those hormones are hitting Wilf hard!!! Hope he's more ameniable today... Boyo frequently asks if he's getting a new daddy... i keep telling him we don't need one, that we're fine as we are, but i don't think he's all that convinced!

Hope everyone has a good day - not sure what i'm doing, i do have to take my dad shopping this morning, and then boyo's in nursery this afternoon and has gym class afterwards, but don't know what i'm doing otherwise - probably packing or painting or somesuch!

Lottie - stick at it my darling. Think a lot of Wilfs problem is frustration. I know that is no excuse but you are a smashing mum and you are doing a good job xx

I have another meeting at work today...........dont know what the outcome will be though.......

Come here and let me give you a hug Lottie....sounds like you are in need of one. Ce sera sera my love....whatever will be will be. xxx

I have just had some really sad news . One of the dads at school has died this morning . His wife had just given birth to their 3rd child on friday and then this morning he has had a cardiac arrest and they couldn't save him .

It s just too sad . He was only in his early 30's