Fraser's thread for bereaved mummies: Death leaves a heartache no-one can heal - Love leaves a memory no-one can steal

[frasersmummy]

Hello my good friends

Its lovely to be asked to set up our new support tread especially as we head towards our first festive season supporting each other.

I hope Frasers part of the journey is as smooth as Eris, Jack and Matt&Gareths

Wow ! I am impressed , I know now that I am starting to try and lose some weight I should really stop the drinking . Maybe just weekends would be a good start .

I used the booze in a massive way especially early on . When people would come to see how I was they would bring wine / vodka and cigs . The pointless thing was I drank so much but didn't feel any effect from it at all .

Sounds like our house in the 'early days' my love. Im not even going to try with the cigs yet. One thing at a time. If I dont drink I dont feel hungry and dont need to smoke as much - so, one thing at a time!

Well if you fancy a partner in crime maybe we could try and put a stop to it during the week together . I don't think I can contemplate giving up the cigs either .I can remember my mum in the early days telling my gp how much I was drinking and smoking expecting her to tell me off and try and shock me into looking after myself , my lovely gp just looked at her as if she had 2 heads and told her I was fine and the time to worry would be if I was still doing it yrs down the line but for now I could do whatever I liked . For a long time after that I would tell everyone that the dr told me I could drink and smoke as much as I liked and not to nag .
Its so daft , I have stopped 3 times for a yr with all my pregnancies but as soon as I had a celebratory glass of bubbly I would want a cig again .

Like you say , one thing at a time .

Morning ladies.

Once all of the christmas food is eaten, I'll be dieting too. I only have about 1 drink every couple of weeks and I don't smoke, but changing my eating habits is going to be hard. I'm starting by upping my fruit and veg intake, then carrying on from there.

TW - I will if you will We saw a psychiatrist after Matt - initially she was going to just see Dan because she dealt in childrens mental health. DH 'grassed' me up to her and said I had started smoking for the first time in my life (I was 36 years old) - she looked at him and shook her head and said 'If I had to deal with the loss of two of my children I would be on hard drugs by now!'

Lets see how we can do - one night at a time first dont forget - any slip ups and we dont beat ourselves up for it.

She sounds great
It makes a big difference if the proffesionals you meet along this crappy path are understanding . I have spoken to others who have had such rubbish help and support it really made me realise how lucky we had been .

Don't worry I won't be beating anyone up , I will just be happy if I can manage a few days alcohol free .

Right thats a deal - lets do tonight and then walk another step. Worry about tomorrow when it comes. I feel very well behaved now dont feel that often xx

Do you think we might be turning into grown ups ?

I very much doubt I am but I am hoping to be at least a wee bit healthier .

No Im not being a grown up Nay, never, no - Im the Peter Pan of Bolton!!!

Would be good to wake up in the morning and actually be able to see the end of my arms

Thank goodness for that , I thought I was turning all sensible and stuff

I did think it was highly unlikely , I am off now to be a domestic goddess and try and sort out my pit of a bedroom , and have some breakfast .

GIVE ME STRENGTH............... I have just rung the insurance company about the electric bill from the fans and heaters in the house...........first of all the woman asked me what my surname is.i said Jenkins...does that begin with a J?? AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! Then they asked was the claim to do with fire or flood? I replied flood and was transfered.. the woman then said i had come through to the flood dept and my claim was for escaped water.......GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! GIVE ME STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROFL Lottie - I just rang Virginmedia and had a similar conversation!!!

Homemade soup cooking sounds VERY positive to me Everlong. xxxxx

Well done Everlong for even thinking of keeping healthy , home made soup sounds lovely .

Please don't not post because you are feeling down , we will all have both types of day through the weeks and months ahead and I for one would hate to put anyone off from posting when down .

How are you doing ? really ?

its nice to see soo much positivity

i decided to try and get back on my healthy eating this morning .. but work has been soooo busy that when my boss ased if I would like a breakfast roll I caved and said ..oooh roll and sausage please

I am very guilty of.. its been a hard day I shall just have a wee glass... so sign me up for the weekend only drinking plan.

I agree TW - dont stop posting Everlong - we will all have the shakes tomorrow without our drink and will rely on you to cheer us up!!!!

I think Compassionate friends are a good start , the loneliness was one of the worst feelings for me . The days were just too long . ave you had a look at their website ?

You are right that its only 9 weeks and early days but that doesn't mean you have to be suffering like you are .

I found the day times the worst as everyone who had been around was now back to their normal lives .

Compassionate Friends was my first port of call Everlong - they will try and match you with other mums - thats where I first 'met' Triplets many, many years ago. Its a great organisation. I dont even remember the first 6 months after we lost the boys.....no memory of anything. It was just too hard xx

Can really identify with that thought Everlong. I have actually said that on more than one occasion. It still fascinates me that the world keeps turning but awful stuff has happened to my family. xx

I still have moments like that Everlong . Especially if I hear someone moaning about their children , but for me it was one of the signs I was moving in the right direction when I found I was having a rant about something pointless and found myself worrying about other things . Up until that point I couldn't have cared less about anything .

The idea of me being bothered about how much I am eating and drinking is a weird one for me but again a step in the right direction . There was a time when my health was the most unimportant thing to me as if I had bad health than maybe I was a step closer to seeing my boy again . BUt I now have 2 more boys and I have to be healthy for them .

He sounds like a good tonic to have around .

And you are right you will be ok but I am glad you know it even when you probably don't always feel it .