For Jonny, and all our darling departed sisters and brothers..."their diminished size is in us, not in them".

[evansmummy]

I have remarked over the last few months that there are a number of us on this forum who are living through the death of our brothers and sisters. I would even go so far as to say I never even imagined there could be so many!

I have also noticed that the thread for bereaved mummies is the most amazing place of support, a great place to go and say how you feel without being judged, and knowing that others are going through something similar. And of course a place to go and get a good old MN hug.

So I wondered if those of you who have lost siblings would like to join me in making a place where we can say how we are feeling and to be here for each other, and even to gripe and moan! If you are interested, just let us know a bit about your sibling and a bit about your grief journey if you like. I'll start!

My youngest brother Jonny died a little over five months ago as a result of head injuries sustained during a hit and run accident. My family spent a week in intensive care with him in a coma before he died of heart failure on Fri 30th May 2008. Horrible, just horrible.

I feel down most of the time. But will admit to the strangest mood swings, from very depressed to almost hyper-excited. I still drink and smoke a lot, but less than right at the beginning. Suffice to say that things are not getting easier or better. Maybe even the opposite. I'm dreading Christmas, Jonny's birthday, and then the inquest and court case. I hate it all so much and wish often that it would just all go away. I still can't believe I'm writing this tuff about my own brother.

It's hard to quickly put into a short paragraph the pain and turmoil of the last five months. But I'm sure if this thread works out we'll have plenty of time to go into more detail.

Over to you...

Love Me xx

MissM, your link takes me to a funny page where I can't work out what to do to listen

Ok I'm listening but it doesn't sound like your brother's play

MissM, I'm sorry, I tried to stream it but for some reason my laptop was having none of it. Found the frequency on the radio, but it def wasn't Resonance, prob a local radio of some sort. If they podcast it I'll listen then. Sorry

Am gutted and owe people an apology. Also tried to get it, as did SIL, dad, friends - nothing. I think there was something up with their server as the programme definitely went out (my brother was part of it). Most disappointing evening of my life - had been preparing all day mentally and then nothing. So have drunk wine instead.

Don't know what will happen with it but if there's a podcast I'll let you know. Really really sweet of you to tune in EM, I really appreciate it.

i went to visit the hospital where my brother spent his last two weeks of his life today. I was meant to be going with my dad ,but he got stuck in traffic and didnt make it, so i went alone .
The reason i went to visit the hospital was to see the NCCU and to thank the staff for taking such amazing care of my brother , stupidly all i could mutter through my tears was , thank you .
My darling brother was involved in a moter bike accident last june , he was transfered to a NCCU and there he stayed for two weeks .The staff did all they could to try to save him , but after two weeks he had his venterlator turned off and he passed away peacefully.
It was at this point that our nightmare began , at 8 25am on the morning of july 6th a policeman knocked on my dad front door and gave the the dreadful news that his son had died , he called me and then then i called my family . We were all in total stock , but then we heard the worst , although he had died that morning , his accident had been two weeks earlier and his girlfriend (whom had been with him the whole time) had decided not to tell us . He had layed in a coma for two weeks in a hospital only 20mins away from my mother and she along with us were not told . So today was the final piece of going to see where my brother had spent his last two weeks of his life .
There is so much to this but i am too upset at the moment to tell you all , but it is helping to put it down . I dont know how i have come this far ,but i have and i know that how ever sad i feel i must move on with my life and going today has helped .

45nanny, My heart goes out to you. I know too well the pain of a visit from parents telling you that your brother has been killed in a bike accident. I can't understand why your brothers girlfiend didn't inform you i would have thought she would have had her reasons but that isn't right in my book. Well done on going to the NCCU. I hate going back to the hospital now.

Oh 45nanny what a sad and awful story. I am horrified at your brother's girlfriend's behaviour. Your poor poor family. I am so sad for you and yet again humbled by another tragic loss. You will find this thread a very loving, caring and above all understanding one. Please come when you want to and share - we can all relate in some way.

45nanny, crying for you . How dreadful. I'm so sorry you weren't able to say the goodbye I'm sure you would have liked to. And how odd that your brother's girlfriend would have behaved in that way. Did you/your family get on with her before? You wre so very brave to go to the hospital, and esp without your dad. Doing things like that certainly act like putting pieces of the grieving jigsaw into place. It's another step along the path.

Whenever you're ready there'll be some virtual ears and shoulders right here for you

xx

45 Nanny. We're here for you and we understand x

MissM, sorry wasn't ignoring you, just wanted to reply to 45nanny then a few days went by... you know how it goes.

What a disappointment about your brother's play. I can well imagine you'd been psyching yourselves up for it only to be kind of let down. Very annoying for you. I will def be listening should it ever become available xx

My brother gets in from Canada this morning. I feel inexplicably sad.

Hey EM, just checked in after a while. How are you today? How is it with your brother? I hope you don't feel so sad now. Thinking of you. xx

How are you EM? Is your brother still here? Thinking of you all xx

Hey MissM, thanks for your message. Had a great great time with my brother and his girlfriend. We all came over to France a week ago for my mum's 60th birthday. But my brother has sadly just left to go back to Canada. I keep crying. I feel like a wuss. He's only been gone 3 hours and I miss him madly already! I also don't know hen I'm next gonna see him, which makes it harder.

We were very sad on my mum's birthday. There was a great big gap where Jonny should have been, kept crying when it should have been a happy day. it was a happy day, but sad at the same time. I am on holiday for the next four weeks, I am relaxed for the first time in months. I miss Jonny an awful lot here though. There aren't as many distractions, I guess.

Sory for the outpouring...

Awwww. Any chance of you being able to go over there? I bet it was lovely to have him.

Try to relax and enjoy your holiday. You probably miss Johnny because you're getting a chance to stop and think about him without distractions. But that's a good thing I think - if I allow myself to really stop and think about Jim (and I don't allow myself very often), I feel so much better afterwards, like a little more of me has accepted it (like, my left small toenail). xx

Hello

Haven't been here for a while, but have been reading this thread tonight and really want to say:

Please, everyone, do not apologise for whatever you feel - it is how you feel; you have lost a sibling! and that is a very shitty thing. So you (we) are bloody well entitled to feel sad/angry/whatever, however much time has passed since your sibling died (please never believe people who say 'you should be moving on now ...').

It is 40 years since my brother T died of an illness. He was 20; I was 10; and that was terrifyingly sad. And 30 years since my brother R died in an accident. He was 22; I was 20; this was the great grief of my life and it shattered me for years.

It does not seem like it now - I do know that - but, somehow, you do pick up the pieces. You never 'get over it', but you do, somehow, learn to live with it. But it does (in my experience) take years to get to that place. And please believe me that you do not, ever, forget your brother or sister. How could you? If you loved them, you continue to love them always.

My heart goes out to all of you who are living with this raw pain now. xx

PrincessF, what a lovely post, thank you for such encouraging and supportive words. I've been missing my brother horribly and was wondering exactly how I would ever stop feeling so completely broken. I am so sorry and appalled that you have had to experience this terrible thing twice in your life. Going through it once has pretty much finished me off at times!

Much love to you all. xx

Hey everybody, how are you all? I've been away and recovering from an op so not looked here until now. We're into the lead-in to the second anniversary of my brother's death and I have been feeling very very low indeed. This time two years ago we were preparing for his wedding, watching him get progressively more unwell, and admiring his ability to continue to play music, compose songs, record an album and deal with the agonising pain.

Been thinking of you all lots. xx

My twin Caroline died on Thursday August 27th 2009. A group of her friends have invited DW and I to a celebration of Caroline?s life and I am pleased that I will not be at home (her old home) on the anniversary. Mentally I am still up and down. The really dark days seem to have gone but I still miss Caroline everyday. I treasure the note she wrote during her final illness that she left for me to read after she had died.

She wrote,

"Remember in the dark days you are going through that I will love you for ever and ever and I will wait here quietly for you to come to me.

Your loving twin

Caroline XXX"

The best part of this year was getting married ? the worst part has been attending three family funerals. My new job as a teacher starts next week and I am looking forward to that.

To be honest I don?t visit this site that often but when I do I find it very comforting.

I also find this site a huge comfort - but it also makes me cry. And cry some more. Your sister sounds wonderful, Binary. I still miss my sister every day.x

Binary if I don't get here on the 27th then I wish you a lot of strength and thoughts to get you through the day. The first anniversary is very very tough. Caroline's friends sound lovely. I'm sure she would be very proud of you in your new job.

My sister Amy died at aged 25 on May 13th (my birthday) this year.

She had a very sudden and massive bleed on her brain that nothing could have saved her from. Myself, my DH and her DP found her, without going into too much detail she had just gotten out the shower and had vommited.

They kept her alive on machines in hosp but was pronounced brain dead. We did donate a massive amount of her organs as this is what she wished but have to say this has yet to bring us comfort.

I miss her so much (there was 3 years between us) and it still feels so unreal, like all this has been a bad dream, how can I get my head round the fact that I'll never see her again.

I'm glad I found this thread as I feel like in RL no-one else can understand, I always feel llike I have to be strong for my mum and dad and no-one ever gets how I must be feeling.

So sorry for all of your losses :(

So sorry for you loss phineasnigellus - missing my brother constantly and think of him every moment - finding comfort from this thread - thank you so much EM - take care to all of you - really down today xx

Just wanted to send all of you peace and comfort today. I'm still away from home and my calendar, where all your dates are marked, so I'm sorry if I missed some.

Have been thinking of you all, and your siblings and mine, over the last 5 weeks, I've not had much of a chance to get on, but am glad to read you still find this a safe place, as it was intended to be.

Such a struggle, these up and downs, I feel for you all in my own ups and downs too.

xx

welcome phineasnigellus, you are among friends who understand. Love to everyone x