Princess, thanks for posting, and I'm so sorry to hear about your brothers. Even though it's sad, it's also very helpful for us 'newbies' to know how people cope with life after death, as it were. So really, thank you for your words, it's, for me anyway, a 'comfort' to know that my very particular feelings for my brother will never go away but will be incorporated into my future. I NEVER want to forget how I feel now, I want this to be a part of me forever.
Shelley, can you tell me how you got your vials made? I really want to do something like that with the beard. It feels so weird saying that, I wouldn't be able to say it anywhere but here, which is why I'm so thankful for you lot being around. Noone understands unless they've been trhough it.
It's also so normal, shelley, that you haven't accepted it. It's so early for you. There's no time limit for things, though. Funnily enough, our FLO gave us a photo back today after the inquest that we had given them at the time of Jonny's death to help identify him on CCTV. I'd totally forgotten about it, and when I saw it today it was heartbreaking. But my point is, that my mum and I both said when looking at it, it's hard to believe that person is gone. He's so beautifully alive in it. I'm gonna put it on my profile, the one with him and a blonde, if you want to look. Also, drink and fags has been my coping mechanism from the start. Not the best way I know, but that's the way I've chosen. I had sleeping tablets too for about 5 months. I've said it before, and I'll say it every time I need to, you do whatever you have to to get through this.
Today was dreadful. The worst bits for me were hearing my other brother's character statement read out. The way he described his brother (Jonny) and best friend just broke my heart. Also seeing the photos of the scene, with the pool of blood, and his shoes on either side of the road, and the damage to the car. Tonight I feel like I did when he died. Lost, aching, drained, dazed and so so tired. I didn't expect anything really, but I am still dissatisfied with the outcome. 'Accidental death' = death by accident = accident is something which can't be avoided, this could have been..,
All it comes down to really is that nobody really knows how it happened. Jonny should have seen the car, the driver should've seen Jonny, and can't explain what happened. There were two people seen at the scene who have never come forward. We will never know if they were involved, saw what happened, or what. It's very frustrating.
Shelley, the inquest doesn't usually take place until after criminal proceedings (and even then, if there has been a court case, there is not always an inquest). The driver was sentenced in April. The inquest was set for July, but we were all due to be starting our holidays the date they had set so we asked it to be moved. This was the date they came up with. That's why it was so long after Jonny died.
I'm so so so sorry for going on and on. I needed to get this off my chest.