My mum died suddenly

[Ruthie71]

I lost my mum recently. I wondered if there was anybody else going through something similar. It's been 8 weeks. I still can't believe she's gone and I miss her terribly.

[Bizzylizzylou]

Hi

I'm definitely going to keep on posting - ive never done this before & joined mumsnet because I saw this thread, I do have 3 stepdaughters but they've left school & live with their mum.
Today my good friend said I should do the little things which give me pleasure & perk me up like: having a cappucino, a warm aromatherapy oil bath, buying some nice face cream, watching an uplifting film, treating myself to a yummy dinner or anything that make me feel good. she is so right, it just takes you out of the despair & is a little feel good therapy.
i hope you all find a little somehthing that puts a ray of sunshine into your day. "keep looking at the sun & you wont see the shadows"
thanks again to all, prayers are with you

[claireb64]

bizzylizzylou - i feel for you so much. i was thinking today its nearly 3 months for me now. i cant really believe that, as every single day since mum died she has been at the forefront of my mind, constantly. i was thinking what i would give to just have a few minutes with her to tell her all the stuff i didnt have chance to. thats the bugger about the suddenness. no chance to say good bye. it gets a bit easier, honest - i have some days now where i dont cry but i still feel very empty. and i miss the chats and just sitting with her. take care x

[Bizzylizzylou]

Hi Claire

Thanks for your message, it really does help to know that we're all feeling the same. The suddenness is what I'm really struggling with, not having the chance to exchange Xmas presents (theyre still all wrapped up) not seeing her, saying goodbye or remembering the last moment I saw her alive. Blame & guilt are my worst things. I haven't cried today, after 5 weeks of being in floods of tears every day & howling like a baby Ive all of a sudden stopped. It's not that I don't feel sad, i sort of don't feel anything, numb I suppose & trying to cry make my throat go tight & painful. Maybe it's survival mode, I was probably in danger of becoming dehydrated!
What we wouldn't give for just an hour more of their lives, it's a yearning Ive never had before & I don't think I will ever be at peace with what happened. But my mum always used to say "life is for the living" so we must continue.
You, & everyone here are in my thoughts, keep putting one foot infront of the other & we'll get by.
Best, Lizzy x

[LadyMacca]

Hello Everyone, Just wanted to say thinking of you all and Lizzy I am so sorry for your sadness, Its been 19 weeks and 2 days since my mum passed away and as you can see I count everyday, Nothing can take away the daily pain I feel however this site has made me realise I am not alone and other people are going this though such heartache every minute of every day.
All we can do is take comfort that we were blessed with such wonderful loving mums and spent precious times of our lives laughing, chatting, smiling and just being loved....And we will go on being loved the sad thing is we psycially cannot touch or feel them xxxxxxx thinking of you all xxx

[Bizzylizzylou]

Thankyou for your thoughts, it's good to know someone is there when you feel alone. I don't always want to keep talking about my mum to my boyfriend as I feel he's getting depressed by it all. He suffers from that anyway & then I won't be able to deal with him & his worries while I feel this way.
I do feel blessed to have had such a beautiful, loving mum, my only worry is that I think about her every waking moment & feel that life & work interfere with my grieving. I thought work was supposed to take my mind off things but I find it annoying to have to 'ignore' my mum to deal with trivia!
Well, I should try to be more positive, hope you are all coping & finding your way somehow.
Thanks for the support everyone, my prayers are with you x

[claireb64]

and its good to know others are 'in the same boat' as it were. a good friend of mine has just lost his dad and it makes me think how far ive come actually. that intial raw pain has gone now. but it leaves something else doesnt it - a sort of plodding emptiness. i know JUST what you mean lizzy, about work getting in the way of grieving.
my mum also used to say 'life is for the living' and she also used to say 'lifes too short/this isnt a rehearsal' etc etc etc all so true. i keep telling myself what we are experiencing IS a normal part of life. a crap one, but normal.
thanks for everyones comments it really helps. thinking of you all xx

[sweethart]

Its been 4 months since I lost my best friend and it doesn't get any easier.
I miss mum so bad its hard to carry on.have been strong for my family but I am dying inside.

[elizadoestoomuch]

Today is 18 years since my mum passed away. I was 16. It was a shock to all of us. She took an overdose. We didn't find her until 20hours later so in our hearts she died on the 24/2/93. i miss her all the time. I miss that she never got to meet my children (even tho i know if she was here she would be so interfering!!) but god what I would give for her to turn up at the door with her "saturday night special" and tell me what I was doing wrong! (tho if she did I'd probably be on MN bitching about her . It does get easier but the loss is still there.

[LadyMacca]

Sweethart I know exactly what you mean, its nearly 5 months now that mum passed away, the pain is sometimes just too great. I look so brave on the outside and everyone is so ' proud' of me but inside I feel dead but I have to be strong, brave and happy for my 3yr old son xxxxxxxx

[Ness70]

Hello all just wanted to say I was thinking of you all. It's been 6 months for me now. I still find it hard to believe in some ways but in other ways I guess it's something you get used to - I suppose you learn to live with the loss. Never want to get used to it and can't believe I will never see mum again. As LadyMacca says I too have to be strong for my two year old son instead of curl up and die myself. It hurts unbearably sometimes.... Hope everybody is coping. X

[choclab]

Ness70 - so sorry for your loss ((hug)


I to lost my mum 6 months ago , although feels like yesterday

i dont want time to move on as then i feel it was long ago , but it isnt in my eyes , and even saying last year sounds so long ago , but isnt (if that makes sense )

comes in huge waves , and with Mothers day looming finding it hard
...

thinking of us all who have lost a mum (((hugs))))x

[Sexonlegs]

Hello all.

Sorry to hear of sadness amongst us.

It will be 3 months this week that my Mum went. I cleared out her wardrobes and drawers on Saturday; one of the hardest things I have ever done :( I found a couple of Mothers Day cards that I had sent her over the last 2 years, and just wept. I miss her like nothing else.
Like you, I am chirpy on the outside, but when I am alone, I feel like my heart will break.

I hate the fact that Mum is no longer here.

Love and strength to all of us going through this.

[jpsmum]

I just found this thread today, mothers day, and I'm so pleased I did. My mum went into hospital on 19th January with a stroke, the day before I was induced with my first child (I'm 30). On 21st January my son was born and I was told my mum had suffered another stroke and a heart attack whilst I was in labour. I felt like one coming in, one going out. I had an emergency cesarian, so was in hospital for a few days, but unable to see my mum as there was novo-virus on her ward. I am single, so the only visitors I had were my family, and they were all just shell-shocked with what was happening with my mum. I have never been so sad, just as my DS was looking up with his big eyes at his mum. The stroke left my mum blind, and they recommended no visitors whilst they found out what was wrong. Several weeks later they found cancer. It was only then that I was allowed to see her. One week later, on 10th March, she died. She never got to see my son, although I took him in to touch his hand, but by that point she could only just tap a finger to let you know she could hear you. It was the most upsetting thing, and I can't get the image of her crazy eyes just staring out when we all knew she was dying and she was just rasping breath and in pain. We buried my mum last Thursday, and today, mothers day, I have just fallen apart. She was very upset when she found out I was pregnant and told me that she cried her eyes out all night because she didn't want me to struggle as a single parent, that she wanted me to have everything. And I just wish she could see how happy I am to be a mum, how beautiful my son is, and how I'm not struggling at all. I regret so much all the arguments we had when I was pregnant. And because she was ill with a suspected chest infection before she had the stroke, I wasn't allowed to see her from xmas incase I caught it whilst pregnant. I lost that time with my mum, I have no mum to share the new mum experience with, and I feel such a hole in my life. It's only been three weeks, but I feel like my safety net has gone, my one constant in my life gone, and I just wish I could have a cuddle from her. I wouldn't want anyone to feel this pain, but knowing that you are all out there too, makes me feel a bit better. Love to you all on mothers day xxxxxxxx

[trumpton]

Had to post. JPSMUM I am lighting a candle for my lovely mum tonight. Your gift to your mother will be you being a wonderful mother to your DS. What our mothers gave us we pass on to the next generation and ( in my case ) to the generation after that.

My mother had a dreadful death but I take consolation in the fact she had a wonderful life and was loved so well.

My condolences to you.

[Sexonlegs]

Jjp'smum, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum; what a heartbreaking situation to have been in- a real mix of emotions for you.

I wish you love and strength, and best wishes for you and your ds.

[jpsmum]

I certainly didn't expect dedicated replies, or to see anything on here so soon it's really warmed my heart thank you :-D Visiting the grave yesterday was really tough, but strangely, as the cemetery was filled with other mourners young and old, to new graves and to older ones, it made me feel a bit better that all of us were there to respect our special mothers and hope that they could see that they still mean a lot to us. Best wishes to all xxx

[scissors36]

Sorry to all who have lost loved ones xx, my mum sadly passed away at the age of 57 on 30th sept 2010, she was my everything and I'm finding it really hard without her, I feel like the shoulder for my dad, sister and brother, but don't feel strong myself although I pretend in a way around them, I'm 37 and have three absolutely smashing kids, but at the moment I'm either crying or getting shouty and stressed, is anyone else feeling this way if so any advise please? :( thankyou in advance xx

[Sexonlegs]

Scissors, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. That is so young :(

No real advice, but wanted to say that I too am either crying or shouting, with not much in between.

I also feel exhausted by it all; emotional stress is tiring.

As I said, no real advice, other than be kind to yourself, and take time for yourself.

x

[claireb64]

not been on here for a while, but glad i came back to see how everyone is doing. nearly 5 months for me now and have just hit another wall. dont know about everyone else but i can feel ok ish for a few weeks and then plummet again. in the midst of all the grief ive tried to change my life a bit - changed job (lucky i know in the current climate) to make less stress for myself as my kids were hearing me shout a bit too much. theyre young and although they miss nanny, i cant expect them to 'get' how i feel. its just so hard, painful etc etc mothers day was a toughie for me - and for others too i see. lovely idea to light a candle. xx

[sweethart]

Its been almost 7 months since we lost mum and even though it still does not feel real I am learning to cope with missing her.It will never go away but I am dealing with it.One day at a time I go on because thats what she would have told me to do.

[nometime]

Something from my DH who lost his dad and mum some years ago. You never stop missing them but you do learn to live with it and the rawness does go. One day you will have a memory and laugh I promise.

Thinking of you all. Take care.

[home00]

Sometime I wonder does it ever get easier. I remember after losing my dad I was really upset but the pain eased in time. With Mum it is so different. If anything it seems to get harder. I know its early days. Only been a couple of months but it is still so raw. Sorry to everyone struggling.

[angiepangy]

my Mum died on Wednesday, i am so sad. She was poorly and in hospital, my sister and i thought she would be ok. her death came as such a shock. i feel really bad i didnt see her before she died. i miss her so much it hurts

[Sexonlegs]

angiepangy,

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. It is very early days.

It is easy to feel guilty about not seeing someone often or before they died, but it could have happened at any time, so please don't be hard on yourself.

Can you tell us any more about your lovely Mum?

[sueandjames]

My mum died 8 weeks ago from cancer it was a big shock because she died very suddenly. Since then I feel ill and worried that I am going to get it. My body aches and i feel discomfort in my tummy. I miss her really bad as since my husband died 2 years ago she has been my rock and always been there for my. I worry about something happening to me and leaving my 9 year old son alone. Help am I going mad