My mum died suddenly

[Ruthie71]

I lost my mum recently. I wondered if there was anybody else going through something similar. It's been 8 weeks. I still can't believe she's gone and I miss her terribly.

[Libera945]

My Mum died on the 28th February. She was 61. Every day she was in intensive care was a rollercoaster ride, but I never, ever, for one moment think she was going to die. It was a complete shock. I was there when she passed away, holding her hand. I can't believe she's gone. I feel as if I'm living in a parallel world, watching myself go through the daily motions. I haven't had a chance to sit and think and grieve, as I've been arranging to have her flown back to Italy and buried over there where she came from. Every day I've been dealing with paperwork, funeral directors in the uk and Italy, being strong for the family, for my Dad, my Sister, my husband, while looking after my 3yr old. I have no idea how I will cope in Italy. I want her back to say sorry for not doing more to keep her well. I want to say so many things to her, spend more time to talk to her. Listen to her old stories. I miss her.

[FionaHen]

Dear Libera945,
I am so sorry to hear about your mum, as like yourself i was with my mum when she passed away, don't tear yourself up about feeling you hadn't done enough to keep her well, i thought that too, things happen for a reason, I know from my experience i am so glad i was with my mum when she passed away that meant more to me than anything telling her not to be scared,also i had a cord at mum's funeral having that last contact with my caring loving mum helped me a lot she was my rock. Your mum, like my mum in there own special way know that we loved them, still speak to your mum as if she was right by your side it helps me. Take Care & hope all goes well in Italy. Fiona Hen x

[kittycaty]

My mum has passed a way 5 months ago and I do not know what to do. I want see her again, hear her voice and play with her hair. I want her back so much. She died suddenly and I cannot get into terms with it. Will I ever see her again?

[bekisl8a]

i feel for you all, i really do, i lost my mum very suddenly in may last year she was 48, i still miss her now and i think i always will, a family friend sent us a poem when mum died i read it now and it really helps, i thought id share it with you:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there: I do not sleep,
I am the thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain,
When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush,
Of quiet birbs in circling flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night,
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.. xx

[helsbels4]

My dear mum died nearly four years ago and I still find it all so really, really hard.

I found out in July '04 that I was expecting my second child, mum was then diagnosed with cancer in the October, my dd was born March '05 and mum died nine weeks later in the May

My mum said all through my pregnancy that she was so sorry to put me through all the worry of her illness but that was typical of my mum - always thinking of others before herself!

I am so thankful that she at least saw my dd and I have photos and some video of them together but it is just so hard not having her around.

My mum was always such a large piece of my ds' life but she didn't even get to push my dd in her pram.

I have lots of photos of her all around my house and I "talk" to her all the time. Mostly I can smile but there are days (sometimes weeks) when I just cry and cry because it is so hard to come to terms with.

I still find myself wanting to pick up the phone to tell her a juicy bit of gossip or whatever!

My mum was my best friend and I miss her with all of my heart

[katesgiggles]

My Mum died on 09/04/09. We buried her on Easter Sunday. She had a terribly sudden & painful horrific 2 week illness leading up to her death and we had a horrible rollercoaster ride in ICU Units of two hospitals watching her demise while she writhed in pain constantly, losing bit by bit of her life with each passing hour.

I haven't cried since 3 days before she died. I don't know if I'm numb or if I had accepted that she was going to die before she left us. (3 days before she died, I knew she was dying, whereas everyone else still had hope.....I let rip at one of the most negligant, obnoxious doctors 've ever met, who was "caring" for her, or should I say completely ignoring her, through her illness and I cried and cried for about 10 minutes afterwards and really got alot off my chest)

I'm a single mum and myself and my 5 year old daughter live in the "home" house with Mum & Dad. I was in the process of finalising details in relation to buying our very own home, with mortgage approval secured and deposit on house etc. I've struggled financially while working full-time for 5 years, saving every cent I could in order to afford our own house. It has been my dream and a hot topic of conversation with Mum for years now, we had the whole house (my new house) decorated in our minds and she had plans to "do" my new bak garden as a moving in gift. Now...my whole life changes. Not only have I lost my lovely Mum, but my daughter has lost the closest thing she had to a second parent, her loving Granny. Our every-day life had changed in so many ways (me & mum sat together chatting every evening, drinking tea and did the weekly shopping together every weekend, went on sun holidays together etc and she babysat for me whenever I wanted a weekend away or a night out. She was the first I phoned or emailed or talked to when I had decisions to make or gossip or worries) She was such a support to me over the last few years in every way, not least emotionally & financially also.

My father doesn't want me to move out now. He's so serious about it he's offered to sign the house over to me, which I don't want as I have siblings and I think it's unfair, he's just trying to make sure I don't go leaving him, taking his little granddaughter with him, leaving him alone....lonely!!! I can't go, I'd feel too guilty leaving him to fend for himself now. He was with my Mum for 40 years, since he was 14!! And already, I realise I'm expected to fill her shoes in the home. It's so much to take on whilst losing her, and losing the support I relied on so much, being a single mother, I haven't even had time yet to think about the fact that I'll never get to talk to my best friend again

So so sad, don't know what we'll do without her. She was so young and so full of life. Such a busy, happy, strong, powerful, beautiful woman! Love her so much x

[FrancyMgo]

Kate I have nothing but respect and admiration for you in a truly difficult time, take some comfort in the knowledge that she was a wonderful human being, that she adored you and your family and you were lucky that she was (always will be) YOUR mum, it will get easier and she'll always be there x

[kittycaty]

Bekisl8a Thank you for the poem. As I was reading it my tears just jumped out of my eyes. My mum died on the 27/12/08 and it was a sock. I spoke to her on the 25th and she was fine having Christmas dinner with my dad and watching Cinderella story on a television.
On the day of my mum?s funeral the snow started to fall down. It was so difficult for my dad as my parents had their wedding when the snow was falling down.
I live in a different continent and I did not have that many opportunities to celebrate Christmas times, birthdays or visit my parents for weekends. I feel very guilty for making a choice in my live to move away that far. My mum, dad and I were planning holidays this year to meet together so we could celebrate my sister?s and mine?s 30th birthday. I was planning my wedding and showing my mum where it was going to be and she was looking forward to it. Why did she have to go? Have I done something wrong? Was I selfish? I am still looking at my phone and expecting a text message from my mum.
My partner came to pick me up after a month and I had to drive myself out and that was very difficult. Leaving my dad behind by himself. I was crying the whole time while driving, but now I know why he did it. I did not wanted to go and my dad and my partner saw it in my eyes but I had to go. I am going back for a week this month with my sister and I do not know why but I still think that I am going to see my mum. I was at work and I was really looking forward to go home as I was going to call my mum but then I realised that she is not here. I cannot speak to her or hear her. My mum was a person who always gave to others and helped others. Never wanted anything even when we wanted her to have something she was always looking what she can do or give to the others then herself. My mum's words "something bad is for something good" I do not understand. I know that we have to go through these stages of our lives but a huge chunk of my heart has gone and it hurts so much. I do not have close friends that I could talk to about my mum because my mum was the closest friend. I have her photograph in our front room and every day I say to her ?Good morning mummy and Good night mummy?. I am finding myself at a stage when I am talking to her but I cannot look at the photograph any more because I do not want to talk to a photograph.

I cannot describe this in words of how much this is tearing me inside and I do not know where my strength is or how to go on without her being here. I do not know if she was proud of her daughters (me and my sister) and my dad, what her last wishes were because it was so unexpected and we have never talked about this with our mum. I am OK when I am at work or just working and not thinking about what has happened. But when I am at home by myself it is just hitting me and I am crying and crying and crying. Being lost. I know that my mum would want me to be strong and cope and go on and be there for my dad and my sister and that is what I am doing being there for them. I talk to my partner about my mum and even that he has known her only for seven years my mum has made him to feel about her like he would not never think that he would feel about but just his own mum.

I do apologise for any misspelling, I have tears in my eyes. I miss her and love her so much. I just hope that she is happy and is not in pain and does not cry of what has happened because it was a shock to her as well.

[mulranno]

HI ladies I lost my mum recently and traumatically. It was not fair, she was in extreme pain and far too young. I still love her dearly and always will. I try to remember that I was lucky to have had this great person in my life...I cry loads, I feel like I am walking thru treacle....I look at this as the worst time of my life..it shocks me sometimes that I can still breathe and walk and talk. Our world is different now, changed forever.

But everyone will go through this. Everyone will loose their mother. I just happened to us all now.

[DrNortherner]

My Dad died 3 weeks ago, I adored him. I thought I was coping OK, but today, well, it al came out as a huge burst of anger directed at my poor dh......fortunatley he understands.

I feel exhasuted, achey, and have a cold coming on, plus tomorrow I have to start a new job. Plus, I feel sick everytime I think about my poor Mum all alone on a Sunday and I live 90 miles away although we did spend the day with her yesterday.

I feel that I am going through the motions. Will I ever feel like me again? If I smile or laugh, my grief is always there, just below the surface.

[tiredtortoise]

Dear Kittykat

I understand how you feel.My mum died on the 13th Dec at 10.58pm form lung and brain cancer. She was only diagnosed 6 weeks earlier and when she went into hopsital she never came out. She was so brave and deserved so much better having had a hard life. I find myself looking at people and thinking why my mum why not you which i know is horrible. But I just want her back and I know it isn't possible It is over 5 months since she died and I find myself crying and crying and just feel like I cannot cope. Like you I throw myself into my work. I have a wonderful son 9 year old son who loves his nana dearly. When I cry he puts his arm around me and tells me not to because nana is with us she isn't really gone. I find myself sending her text messages just so I can talk to her. I am now waking up in the night thinking did i do the right thing telling her it was ok to go - she was just clinging on and I felt I had to say it was ok to go - I felt my uncle bob's presence a lot like he was waiting for her.

Does it get easier. Ian finding that now the numbness is starting to wear off it hurts so much nothing else in life is really worthwhile

[DrNortherner]

I lost my dad 5 weeks ago. I feel so sad, words do not do it justice.

Sorry for your loss Ruthie, and everyone else who is greiving.

[tiredtortoise]

The thing I have got from this thread is the fact I am not alone in the way that I feel which has allowed me to look out of the window tonight and smile

thank you to everyone

[tiredtortoise]

DrNortherner

I went back to work 3 weeks ater my mum died and I didn't think I could do it but you will and you think if your dad when you think you cannot make it
Be strong
Thinking of you

[jobbo]

i am so sorry to hear what happened to you. My mum much> has just died - last saturday and I feel so guilty for all thetimes I should have phoned / visited and was just too busy> I always knew i loved her but only realise now how much. Does this get any better?

[jobbo]

hi ruthie 71 - I have just lost my mum on the 17th October - really suddenly and unexpetedly . I am totally devastated and dont know what to do - how are you doing?

[Libera945]

Dear All,
I really sympathise with you all.
It will be 1 year on the 28th Feb that my mum passed away. For the first 8 months my life was a blur of emotions and trying to stay in balance. I didn't know if I was coming or going.
I started grief counselling in June of last year, and it's been the only thing that's allowed me some sense of normality. Finally 2 months ago I started to feel "normal" again.
I still miss my mum every single day. Think about her when I'm driving or visiting my dad, or looking at old photos.
Grieving is painful there's no denying it. But I've finally come to believe that she's in a place of no pain. When I wrote back in March I was in a turmoil of emotions and I think I've come out of it.
I am thinking of you all.
xx

[Pikelit]

My mum died suddenly today at home in N.Ireland. She was 84 and had lived a long and fascinating life. If there is a "good" death then my mother had it. No illness, no pain and in the comfort of her own home.

[PictureThis]

Pikelit, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's good that these thoughts can provide a source of comfort for you.

[ChippingIn]

Pikelit - how lovely for your Mum to have had a long & fascinating life and not to have suffered will illness or pain before she died. I am, however, sorry for your loss as it's never easy is it, no matter how old they are or how good a life they had x

[Pikelit]

Thanks for kind words. Because no, you'd still rather have the person, not the memories. Unfortunately, as the days have gone by, more and more information has come out - shockingly, the post-mortem revealed that she died of hypothermia and not, as we thought, of something heart or stroke related. She lived in a modern house with central heating in every room but like a lot of people her age, thought central heating was "unhealthy". I've been told that the temperatures were exceptionally low in NI last weekend yet my fiercely independent mother must have thought she'd be fine. Until it was too late.

[ChippingIn]

Pikelet - I am really, really sorry to hear that. I wonder if we will be that stubborn about things when we get older that our kids will at? I'm not sure there was any benefit in you having been told that though - it doesn't change anything and now you have something else to deal with.

Try to hang onto the fact that she did have a great life and her death was still very peaceful, without pain or illness x

[Ness70]

Hi all my mum died suddenly two weeks ago and I don't know what to do. Apart from the fact she was my best friend and supported me through everything, she also looked after my 21 month old while I worked. I feel sick, keep getting the shakes and don't feel I have the strength to cope with finding childcare or going to work. I have a wonderful partner but just feel so alone without my mum. Not sure how to cope.....

[marymay]

Hi Ness70....Sending you a hug .My lovely mum also died suddenly 10 months ago .She went to bed and she didnt wake up.I miss her every day and often weep for all the missed times we could have had together.All i can say is allow yourself time to cry and be cross ,but also think of all the great things you did together and what wonderful things you brought to each others life.look after yourself and take any help you need from others xx