My mum died suddenly

[Ruthie71]

I lost my mum recently. I wondered if there was anybody else going through something similar. It's been 8 weeks. I still can't believe she's gone and I miss her terribly.

Your describing exactly the same thing as happened to my mum. She had really bad lungs from an infection. She went in on Christmas day and her body could not cope with the drugs they were giving her and she had heart failure. When we went to see her yesterday I believe she had already gone but it was the machines that were making her lungs go up and down as if she was breathing. They switched off the machines. I am filled with this remorse as I was so pleased she was admittd to hospital on xmas day as I thought she will get better now, she is in hospital, they will make her well. But she died. I should of stayed. But now she is gone. My dad has cancer and he was been spending his time arranging his own funeral and sorting out paperwork so mum would be looked after when he went and it is mum who has died. His grief is unbearable to watch. I do not know what to say to him to help, and probably nothing can. I can't talk to my dad properly, we were always bought up so strictly and did not show emotion. My mum was loving and wonderful and loved her grandchildren but I still expected her to be around for a few more years. Mum I love you.

:( Mumforever123

Ness70 I am truthfully hurting so bad its hard to get through the day.But life goes on so I just keep busy and hope it will be bedtime soon so I can sleep and dream of a place she is there still.I would give everything to have her here and like you said christmas or not.Mumforever123 I wish I could say it gets better as I heard so many times however I am not there yet.Its different for everyone unfortunately we all have to find our way through it.Just remmeber the positive times and remember the love it will help you through.I am so sorry for your loss.

Ness70 I am truthfully hurting so bad its hard to get through the day.But life goes on so I just keep busy and hope it will be bedtime soon so I can sleep and dream of a place she is there still.I would give everything to have her here and like you said christmas or not.Mumforever123 I wish I could say it gets better as I heard so many times however I am not there yet.Its different for everyone unfortunately we all have to find our way through it.Just remmeber the positive times and remember the love it will help you through.I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you so much for the kind words. My Aunt said it would be nice if one of us (I am the eldest of six) said some words at the funeral which is next Friday 7th - how will I find the courage and not break down on the day?

Hi mumforever123 I'm so sorry for your loss. Do any of your siblings feel more capable of saying something? Some people have a natural ability... It wouldn't matter if you did break down anyway. My brother said something (I wouldn't have been able to) and he got through most of it. People don't expect you to be a composed daughter at this time. You may feel like you should do it but don't feel like you have to.... Your mum wouldn't want to cause you any angst.

Hi everyone, went to see mum at the funeral home today with dad, watched him take a great does of morphine before going. Watching him greive over my mum and he is dying himself is unbearable. Nothing I can say or do. Now left him in the house on his own, with his grief. I am trying to talk to him and he doesn't want to. I have asked him if he wishes to have people in like Cruse Bereavement but doesn't want that either. My dad is greiving over my mum and he is dying himself. Had a shock when I rang the McMillan Nurse who has been previously to see my dad. Told her about my mum dying and could she come round and see my dad to check if he taking his medication etc. etc. and she said she doesn't do bereavement calls. I said I am not asking you for a bereavement call, I'm asking you to check on my dad. See your GP she said. Wow.

Mumforever123 I am so sorry for your loss and that your Dad is so ill, too. I lost my Dad to cancer seven years ago, and my Mum has recently been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour, so I have some idea of how you are feeling right now.

WRT saying a few words at the funeral - I did the eulogy at my Dad's funeral. I asked various family members for memories of Dad and used those as the basis to talk about him and his life. I had notes which I read out and asked DH to stand next to me in case I couldn't get through it. I managed it because I wanted to talk about my Dad, rather than having it done by a priest/minister who didn't know him, and by reminding myself that it was a mark of respect to my Dad and a means of supporting my Mum. However, as Ness70 says don't feel that you have to do it. Everyone who is at the funeral will understand if you can't.

I see that the funeral is tomorrow and that you may not see this in time, but I wish you strength to get through the day.

Today would have been my mother's 84th birthday. My second Christmas without her. It hurts still. She died very suddenly, of liver cancer. My sympahty to all of you who have borne this loss.

Mumforever123 I hope you get through it all tomorrow. It's tough (to say the least) but you know that already. Thinking of you and everybody who is suffering this horrible pain and hole in their life.

Will be thinking of you.

Buried my mum very recently.

hi everyone im 21 years old and my mum died on the 10th december 2010 which is 4 weeks today, she died of a heart attack she had heart problems, she was also told that she had lung cancer in september and she only had a year to live, just thought we had longer with her to say what we wanted to say and go on one last holiday, she was so looking forward to this christmas together, i miss her sooo much i just want to talk to her again and give her a cuddle, i never got to tell her i thought she was the bravest,strongest kindest mum, it makes it harder as i dont talk to my dad, i do have wonderful sisters, boyfriend and nan but just want my mum, miss talking to her about silly things, im thinking of everyone thats going through the same.

Hi there.

My Mum died on New Years Eve :( So, a week ago today. She had been battling cancer for 2 years, but you would never have known she was ill. She looked amazing and was with us on a big family holiday at the end of October.

Sadly, from November, she started to go downhill and passed away at home, with Dad having cared for her 24/7. I was lucky to have been there when she died. Although it was expected, I was so shocked when dad said "she's gone", and tbh feel like I am in denial. I am trying to keep busy, but feel utterly exhausted. I am quite snappy with my dd's too.

Had to sort out flowers and music today for the funeral which is on Tuesday. Trying to write a card with the flowers was unbearable :(

I feel for everyone who has lost anyone they love.

I will never forget Mum; she was a wonderful, thoughtful, fun-loving lady.

Dear Sexonlegs, when you talked of writing the card for the funeral flowers I nearly broke down.

I remember that so clearly.

Writing a small note to say goodbye to one so loved is heartbreaking.

Mum, I still miss you so much.

I talk to her photo every day (still grieving mad woman I am x)

hi all - my mum died suddenly mid november - so 7 weeks ago. suddenly this week the reality of it all isstarting to hit me big time i think. anxiety, snappiness, tears, finding it all too much and hard to cope with. my dad died 7 years ago and i missed him dreadfully too, but then i had mum to think about, look after and be with. she was so well - she had had her share of illness after dad died ( breast cancer, arthritis etc) but was doing really well and had been on holiday. she died suddenly the day after she got home. i used to spend lots of time worrying about her and 'what if' she died etc. i feel like i took my eye off the ball (cos she had had a great holiday etc) and that was it, she had gone just when no one expected it. i wouldnt have wished illness or a lingering death on mum, but the shock is so intense and hard to bear.

My Mum was being treated for food poisoning in november by her GP. She was last in hospital 30 yrs ago when my little brother was born. She worked up til retirement 2yrs ago. She was a very young active 62 year old. She was sent to the hospital on the 13 November for routine scans re the food poisoning. She was given an emergency bowel op. Cancer was found. She was home 7 days after the op but went down hill rapid. I brought my June 2011 wedding forward to December the 27th in her front room. My mum was in pain on the 13th December admitted to St Columbus that afternoon and was dead 12 hrs later on the 14th December. 4 days before my 34 birthday. We, my brohter dad and I,were with her as she slept away painfree. I cried that morning and sobbed at her funeral but I haven't cried properly since. I keep stopping myself. I saw mum almost everyday. She lived next to my 6yr daughters school. My daughter was the only grandchild and my mum looked after her the days I worked. We were very close. Close doesnt mean best friends. We had our disagreements and we are both so different but we both knew we loved each other loads. I called her at least 2 times a day. Much to my dads annoyance! My question is why am I not crying, I want to but am scared to start. And think what good will crying do. I almost feel if I cry I will be admitting she is gone. I have never felt so sad.

Kirsty and Claire, I am so sorry :(

I can totally empathise with the anxiety, snappiness and feeling overwhelmed. And the crying as well- cried loads when Mum died, but not as much as I feel I should.

From what I understand, grief and mourning takes time, and is such a personal thing - there are no right or wrong ways.

I find it comes in waves.

Kirsty, my mum had bowel cancer too, which the doctor fobbed off as IBS. Had they taken notice several years ago, we may not have been in this situation.

Thinking of you and all those who are going through this.

Cheers

NikNak I feel the same way. Just want to talk to her about nonsense. I still go to pick up the phone but then remember she's not there. I don't allow myself to think about it too long as then it will seem real. I'm older than you, 34, but feel too young to be without my mum so goodness knows how you feel. I dont want to talk to anyone else either as how would they have any idea how I feel??? She was my mum as yours was yours. hugs xxxx

sorry nicnak28 x

I can tell you I feal the same way as the o3kirsty I am also 34 and some days I feal like I just cannot go on without my mum.I talk to my dad everyday on the internet as I am overseas but its not the same kind of chat I had with mum we talked about the silliest stuff but then we loved that we could.I am stressed out alot more because I dont have the awesome voice of reason who told me its ok.Its been 3 months and it already feals like a lifetime.I feal like I will fall down anytime because I have lost my ROCK.

i too feel like ive lost my backstop - mum was always there for advice, help, support, a listening ear. my kids meant the world to her and she to them and nothin can replace that ever.

I agree with everybody about their mum being their rock. I feel like I am not complete anymore. It's been 4 months now since she died. My little boy was 21 months when it happened and I didn't know what to say so didn't really say anything-I thought he was too young to grasp the facts. She used to look after him and was always around. Now he's 25 months and because I've started bringing some of mums stuff home (can't bring myself to throw anything away) and saying this is nanas so and so, he's repeating everything. I don't want to confuse him but I don't want him to forget her because they adored each other. Does anybody have any ideas as to what I should say/do? I am drowning in my own grief and feel like I'm failing him anyway so would like to do the right thing... Any ideas?

I am so sorry to read more sad and tragic postings. mumforever my mum also passed away in September last year, she has Luekemia and her body could not cope with the drugs anymore, she had heart failure and was on life support. I experienced the same as you where the machine was breathing for her, she was asleep and on a high dosage of pain killers, We sat in her room in Intensive care for 2 hours while they turned the machines off and we stayed with her until she passed away. That is something I will never ever understand or even get my head around, even now 4 months on nearly I think about her every minute of every day, the pain is unbearable as she was my rock, my life and the person who made me, without her I would be nothing. My thoughts are with everyone xxxxxxx

Hello Ness, My mum use to look after my little boy ( who turned 3 last week)1 day a week until she got Luekemia, even when she was out of hospital she still looked after him, he was one of 4 grandsons and she just adored him. My boy saw my grief and me crying and being away alot so I had to explain to him that Nanny had to be with the fairies. He knew Nanny was poorly anyway. I know he is too young to understand loosing someone but he knows Nanny is being looked after my the fairies and everynight he blows her a kiss and tells her he loves her. At least this way he can slightly understand if mummy is sad. xxxxxx