My mum died suddenly

[Ruthie71]

I lost my mum recently. I wondered if there was anybody else going through something similar. It's been 8 weeks. I still can't believe she's gone and I miss her terribly.

[Ness70]

Thank you Marymay
I am trying to accept it but can't believe she will never be here for me again. That probably sounds selfish. I miss her constantly because she knew everything about me and we chatted all the time. My dad and my brother are much more 'well this has happened so we need to accept and get on with it'. I know where they're coming from I just can't do it. I can't believe my little boy is going to grow up without her. Everytime I look at him I think of her and what his life should be like. She loved him so much and couldn't stop telling me how gorgeous he is and how much she loved him. Finding it tough but I guess that's what people go through. Just thought I had so much more time.... Sending you a big hug too for your loss. X

[zen1980]

Hi
I too lost my mum last week very suddenly and on our 4th wedding anniversary after she had been in hospital 2 weeks and they mis diagnosed her and didnt take her being ill seriously. We are still in shock and I still cant believe it. My DD is only 8 months and she doted on her and was sooo proud to be a mum and grandma. What has made this worse is that I also lost my gran the week before and when DD was born she spent 3 weeks in intensive care. At the moment i dont think i can stand anymore knocks and setbacks i dont know how to move forward, x

[Ness70]

Hi Zen1980
I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't think I can be of any help as I am feeling completely lost too so I know where you are. I'm sorry about your nan too. My nan died 11 years ago and I didn't cope with that very well but I had my mum to get me through it. I still don't really believe my mum has gone. I keep thinking she'll turn up. We had so many plans and things coming up. I guess I'm better than I was 2 weeks ago so it should get a little easier for you. You won't have any more setbacks; you've had enough. I hope things get better for you. X

[sweethart]

I lost my mum 3 weeks ago,she had been sick for a while but died from something completly different to her illness.I live overseas so had spoken with my mum at the weekend and she had been tired but said she was ok.I called on the monday to find out something and found my dad crying on the phone they had rushed my mum to hospital not sure what had happened.She died on the thursday before I could get home.She was 55 years old.I miss her so much that I find it hard to get through the day sometimes.I have 2 kids that need me so know I have to move on but the child in me just wants my mum.I never got to say goodbye or tell her one last time that I loved her.Everyone keeps saying time will heal but not sure I will ever heal.Reading other messages makes me realise I am not alone.I miss my best friend my inspiration my strength.

[sweethart]

I lost my mum 3 weeks ago,she had been sick for a while but died from something completly different to her illness.I live overseas so had spoken with my mum at the weekend and she had been tired but said she was ok.I called on the monday to find out something and found my dad crying on the phone they had rushed my mum to hospital not sure what had happened.She died on the thursday before I could get home.She was 55 years old.I miss her so much that I find it hard to get through the day sometimes.I have 2 kids that need me so know I have to move on but the child in me just wants my mum.I never got to say goodbye or tell her one last time that I loved her.Everyone keeps saying time will heal but not sure I will ever heal.Reading other messages makes me realise I am not alone.I miss my best friend my inspiration my strength.

[sweethart]

Its been 3 weeks since I lost my mum and I still am in shock.I know she is gone and I saw her in the chapel of rest.We scattered her ashes but I still feel she will walk through the door or the phone will ring and it will be mum.My mind tells me ok think of the good times but my heart is crying out for the chance to tell her I love her and miss her.I would do anything for one last hug.

[blueberrycustard]

Hi, I lost my mum suddenly a little more than one week ago. We spoke everyday (by phone, she was abroad). Find it terribly hard. Also, she had lots of contact with dd. Dd and I are planning to make a scrapbook about her ... not sure when we start with it though.

[sweethart]

I realized today that I missed my mum before she passed away because we live so far apart so now she is gone I miss her twice as much.It hurts so bad that she is gone and I never got to say goodbye.Life is so cruel.

[blueberrycustard]

What I find almost the worse thing, is that if dd had done something clever/naughty/whatever I could always tell her, talk about it, she was always interested, whereas dh might not necessarily be interested in these things. It just means it has become more difficult to share things about dd as well, I find that really hard. She wasn't just my mom, she was my best friend, and I didn't even tell her that. Never occurred to me. So many things I should have told her and I didn't. Feel awful.

[zen1980]

Blueberry you echo how I feel, its those thingsthat you take for granted you could share with her. My mum would be so excited as much as me and my oh about the smallest thing that the baby did, an now I just feel that I don't have that with anyone. Most of all at the moment I just feel like I've lost my connection to who I am if that makes sense. This week has been one of the hardest, first of all I went back to work and in total have been off a year but on the way to or home from work I would ring my mum so I cried all the way home. Also it was my 30th birthday on thurs an I can't help feeling so lost xx I miss her so much xx

[choclab]

i lost my mum in August .. .

trying so very hard to hold it together , as my DD has suffered with seeing me upset ...so been getting on with life ...
but deep inside im falling apart , my DH doesnt want to know about it anymore ...

he has NO IDEA how this feels ...and im beginning to resent his lack of understanding ...

hugs to you all i know how you feel (((hugs)))

[LadyMacca]

Hello, I am so sorry for your loss and am also feeling your pain, I lost my mum 6 weeks ago to Luekemia, it was a total shock as the Luekemia has more or less gone, she actually had a heart attack as her body could take no more drugs and anti biotics. i was with my mum the day before as she was in hospital, She was my best friend, my mum , my companion and my life. Nothing in this world prepare you for when they are taken from you, especially when its such a shock. We were with mum in Intensive care when they turned her machines off!!. One of the most heartbreaking things to ever have to be part of. I visited my mum alot in the chapel before her funeral and took comfort from that but now I cannot even do that its very very hard to understand she really has gone. I feel devastated my 2 year old who she simply adored will never see her again, She loved him and he loved her. Everyone tells me time heals but I cannot see that right now, me, my dad, my sister and brother are simply devastated and feel life will never be the same again........Love Emm

[blueberrycustard]

LM - I agree, it is so hard to understand/realise that she is really gone. And in my case at least, no, life will never be the same again. I think maybe over time it will feel less bad but I am pretty sure that it will stay with me the rest of my life, e.g. sorrow, feeling of loss, feeling of missing out sharing things about my dd/myself/dh. I have started writing about all the things we have done (my mom and me) and quite soon I am going to start a scrapbook about my mom together with dd, we are going to put photos in, drawings, poems, letters, nice things, like dried flowers, coloured leaves (my mom loved nature), favorite recipes, pictures of art/art exhibitions (she loved art) etc. I want to try to make it a celebration of her life. I do feel at times terribly upset, and do cry also when dd is there but I have explained to dd why I find it so hard and that if she wants to cry or talk about it we can do that. I think that grieving is part of life and hope that this experience and seeing me go through it (hopefully in a positive way) helps her when my time comes (hopefully a long time away). But I do find it difficult though. I also do find it useful to read about grieving and on one website I read that some people believe that you grieve in stages, whereas others believe that it is not a process with a begin and end, but that it will continue your whole life, because at each new stage in your life you miss her again. Also feel quite bad that sometimes I feel really angry at my mom that she didn't accept medical help earlier, clearly it was a choice she made, but I do find it so hard, because she could still have been here.

[sweethart]

Ladies,
I lost my mum almost 5 weeks ago and like yourselves its hard to believe she is realy gone.I can go for a whole day where I think I am doing ok and then it hits me and I think this can't be real what happened?.Am trying to be strong for my family but deap inside I am dying.I keep being told time will heal and it will get better but am finding it harder not easier as time goes by.I miss her and wish I had gotten time to tell her just how much she meant to us.I told her everyday when we spoke that I loved her and hope she knew how much.I am sure the could have ,should have thoughts will always be there just will get easier to cope with.I find comfort in this site that I am dealing the same way as other people are and that I am not alone.

[Monkey1989]

Hello all,

We lost my mother-in-law on October 7th. We were on holiday and it was very sudden. They called it a "Massive Pulmonary Embolism".
She was 49.
Myself and my partner (her son) were very close to her. When my partner and I got engaged, she gave me her own mother's engagement ring (her mum died 14 years ago). Last night my partner told me it's hitting him hard now, and I feel like he may be heading towards a breakdown. I'm pretending to cope for him, but when I'm alone I'm falling apart. It's the first death I've experienced.
I sobbed in the middle of Boots the other day because I saw a gift that she may like for Christmas - remembering that she isn't here was like a punch in the stomach.

Has anyone else found this? That you can't stop your brain thinking something that would be so natural if they were still here. But it hurts so much...

I really, truely am so sorry for all of your losses. I can only imagine the grief you must feel for your parents. My love and best wishes are with you all x

[LadyMacca]

I am so so sorry to hear your sad news. I think everyone can relate to the sudden thoughts and pangs of pain for mising someone so much. I went to a christmas event my mum use to go to every year, I went in honour of her and spent most of the evening in tears. I have no idea how we will make it through Christmas this year! We collected my mums ashes last week from the funeral directors, it all seems just so sureal and untrue, I expect my phone to ring and it be her, an email to pop into my inbox or her come round my house to look after my 2 year old son, Life just seems to unfair at the moment, why did she have to die and leave us, who made that decision!!!!!. The one thing we have on our side is we are an exceptionly close family and love and care for each other so much and with that strength we live and breath each day :-) . My thoughts are with you all xxxx

[sweethart]

Christmas is going to be so hard,went shopping the other day and found myself rushing home to get on webcam chat with mum and show her what I found.Only to get home and realise she wouldnt be there.It feals like the air rushes out of my body and I cannot breath.How I will get through this holiday I do not know.I miss mum so much.

[Ness70]

Hi sweetheart I know where you are. It's been 12 weeks for me now and it feels like last week. Because we were so close and spoke every day everything I do I want to tell her about. I've spoken to lots of people and read lots and realise this is the way it will be. I feel like I'm a different person now but my boy is 2 next week so I have to carry on. Everything I see and do reminds me of mum. I can only hope it gets better. Everybody tells me it will in some way/shape. Thinking of you all. Xxx

[sweethart]

9 weeks down and still doesnt seam real.I keep thinking ok its time to wake up from this horrible dream.Only thing is when I do wake up mum is still gone.I see its the same for others who miss her too but nothing I can do to help when I cant help myself.:(

[Ness70]

Just come back from a wedding reception with my dad which my mum and dad were due to go to together. It's weird. I'm not sure what I feel. Everybody there having a great time (as it should be). I feel sort of numb. I do feel like it's not real and I've just taken her place for a bit and she will turn up soon. Sounds daft I know. Sweethart I know what you mean. One day I'll wake up and it will all be as it should be. But I can only think of the people who have lost their mum much younger than me so I have to be grateful that I had as long as I did I guess. So hard cos I still feel like a little girl who needs her mum. I am 40. It's never easy but I guess there's always somebody worse off??? Not making much sense now, but thinking of everybody who's lost somebody close. Xxx

[sweethart]

Thats how I feal too that I am going to wake up and mum will be here and it will have all been a dream.I keep thinking she will be real mad we got rid of her clothes and stuff which is crazy.Feals like I have lost a huge part of me and I simply am struggling to carry on without it.Just when I think I can't miss her more I wake up to another day without her and prove myself wrong.I am 34 years old and all I want for christmas is the one thing I cannot ever have ..My mum back :(

[seb1]

When we were selling my Mum's house I had a really vivid dream in which I was in her empty house, the guy who was buying her house was in the garden waiting to get in and my Mum was there asking what was the man was doing in the garden, when I woke up it felt so real and I felt very confused.

[Ness70]

I too am having dreams. The one I've had about 4 times is mum turns up and it's all been a horrible mistake. I am so pleased to have her there.....
How are you doing sweethart and anybody else that feels like this? It's a tough time I know although I find it hard to distinguish between any other time because I just want her here Christmas or not.....

[Mumforever123]

I lost my mum yesterday and it hurts.

[BigBoldAndBeautiful]

My mum died this September. I loved her so much and miss her very much.

Grief is very individual and personal, but it (grief) is absolutely normal.

I am not 'being strong' as I am constantly being told to do, usually by those who have not loss someone close to them.