Tiamummy I feel your pain sweetheart I really do.
My DH just asked why I was looking down and I just cried for you as I told him what you were trying to cope with.
She won't cope yet he said it is too early and too raw. I'm afraid he is probably right. It is very early days my love very early days. The pain does not go away but you get better at coping with it. I can sit and cry all day and night and obsess about things whereas DH bottles it up and said to me recently he can not think to much about what happened or it would drive him to the edge. We all have our coping mechanisms but remember yours and your DHs may be different and allow each other the space to grieve both together and apart.
The first of everything was difficult for me. I do not mean to depress you and you may not find it the same as I have but maybe forewarned is forearmed. I found the first few days after the funeral really difficult as I had nothing to plan/arrange or deal with anymore. I also found out just after the funeral that my DTs were identical and that is a mixed blessing in itself. I have not sorted out a headstone for B yet as in my head that would finalise things (as if not having one makes a jot of a difference) he is not coming back whether there is a stone in the ground or not.
I am not coping so well having gone back to work a few months ago as there are still casual aquaintances who knew I was expecting twins who I bump into and ask me how they are. I end up comforting them as they are so remorseful that they may have upset me by asking.
I found comfort from people and things where I least expected it from. Unfortunately some of the people who I expected it from let me down.
Benjamin has a memory box with some hair his foot/handprints, photos and other precious things. My DH bought me a gold locket which I put a small lock of his hair in.
I'm not sure why I am saying all this as it is probably no comfort to any of you but sometimes it is just useful to get things off your chest and it helps to know you are not the only one gong through something. Unfortunatley no-one even those of us who have lost a child feel your pain in exactly the same way as you do but we do share some common experiences and hopefully we can pull each other along this road.
I echo what TW has put if you feel up to it please share with us some of your precious memories of Tia. A lot of us have pics of our babies/children on our profile pages. You can set one up fairly easily and you can limit who can view it.
Sorry Tiamumy for rambling on at you. Another thing with MN there is quite often someone around at most hours of the day given there are some late/early birds and people in different time zones.
Anyway I had better get off before I make an even bigger fool of myself, sleep tight. Night night.