For Bereaved Mummies. Remembering Jack and our other precious little ones... the sharing of hurt is the beginnning of healing.

[lottiejenkins]

Third time lucky........ Thanks to Shabs and FMN. I hope i can carry the baton as well as you did. I havent made a good start though. Things can only get better.........

Do you need some help love? Have to go for my son in ten mins but will help if you need me to

I will get back on about 6pm love....hope you are ok. xx

I feeling very lost and alone today, even though i've been with a friend, who i know is trying her best to be there for me. We're meeting with my parents and husbands parents tonight to talk about the funeral, i'm finding all of this too hard and too soon. Tia's been at the funeral directors for a while now, since we had the order from the coroner, but we haven't been strong enough to let her finally go. The director dealing with us has been wonderful and hasn't put a timescale on this, and is offering this to us free of charge. But money isn't the object here at all. The fact is i can't let her go

i know how you feel love it broke our hearts knowing its the last time,its so hard im sorry i dont know what to say x just were all here for you

do you want to talk about tiax

HI Tias mummy , I answered your other thread , I am so sorry you are hurting so much .

I remember that feeling only too well of not wanting to talk about the funeral , Have you been to see Tia ? We did go a few times and every time I went it felt less like Harry which did make the funeral easier to cope with . I just knew that it wasn't him at the funeral it was just what had been carrying him around all that time . Your Tia is with you all the time . I think other people thought of the funeral as a time to say goodbye but for me it was just Au revoir .

I am here for a while if you would like to talk
xx

Not right now if that's ok, i'm struggling with myself today and dealing with all these emotions. I don't want to be choosing caskets and headstones, i want to be choosing proper stuff for her

Of course its ok . You shouldn't have to be doing all these things . Are you on your own at the moment ? Are you getting good support from your gp ? I don't necessarilly mean meds but mine was really good at just coming round and having a cuppa and keeping me company

Travellingwilbury, i've tried to go everyday because i feel like if i don't then she will be all alone, and i don't want her to feel alone. That sounds mad doesn't it, and i don't know if it's even healthy for me to go so often. I'm crying so much as i write this

It doesn't sound mad at all . I know what you mean about not wanting her to be left by herself . I remember in the hospital when we went to see Harry the day after he died , they had put him in a little cot and when we went to leave I made sure the cot side was up properly . You are a mummy and you love your little girl . Don't worry at the moment about how mad you look or what you should or shouldn't be doing . Whatever you are doing is right for you and that is all you can do .
xxx

Yeah, i'm on my own but my husband should be home around 6. Our GP's been to see us a few times since we lost Tia, and we were put in contact with FSID which has been good for all the info we've needed with the practical stuff.

I am so sorry you are going through this and I know it isn't much but we are all here to help you through this xxx

Oh sweetheart - My 11 yr old just got straight onto the computer but looked on Mumsnet and said 'Mum you can go on the computer if you want there's a lady on who doesn't feel very well.'

My gran said, when I lost the boys, 'thats only the shell they came in darling (meaning the body) their spirit and soul will live inside you forever and ever.

It is the hardest, hardest thing to do...to say goodbye when you just want to say hello. Is there anything I can do to help? I know that Compassionate Friends are a wonderful self help group for bereaved parents of children of any age. If you would like me to get their information for you I will do.

Keep posting sweetheart. We all have a good idea of the way you are feeling.

If there is anything anyone can do to help us i would appreciate it

Tiasmum, this bit is one of the hardest, or at least it was for me. We had a 5 week wait from Eris being born to her funeral, partly because of pm, partly because of booked up FD. I went to see her twice and each time it was so hard to walk away, mostly the second time I went, knowing I would never see her again. And the morning of her funeral was nothing more than horrific (sorry to be blunt, don't mean to make it harder for you x)because I just so did not want to have to do it, so did not want it to be real. It's hard to make that final decision to let thme go, albeit just their shells (I believe what your gran said Shabs, but its still not easy, eh?). I kept wanting that little bit more. I suppose really it is partly about acceptance.

The Compassionate Friends (Support group for bereaved parents and families)

National Office: 53 North Street, Bristol, BS3 1EN

www.tcf.org.uk

telephone: 0117 966 5202

I first met Triplets through Compassionate Friends, they were a massive help for our family.

Tias mummy the hardest part is letting go...

unfortunatly as fmn and tw say the funeral and the preparation for it will be awful however once you have laid Tia to rest you will know that she is safe and no more harm can befall her

If you have a burial or bury the ashes it gives you somewhere to go visit anytime you want without feeling like someone is judging you (not that they are) iyswim

When the time comes you will find the strenght to let go... dont know how but trust me you will

I dont know if its the same south of the border but I know in Scotland the fds dont charge for a childs funeral.

death leaves a heartache
no can heal
love leaves a memory
no-one can steal

Tia's Mummy, I know you said you have heard from FSID but have would it be helpful to talk to a befriender? They are someone who has also lost a child and are there to just listen or offer advice. I spoke to one lady on the supportline and it did really help. I then asked for a befriender and my DH now has one too (he was very against it at first but has since been very grateful for the support they have given) They will also provide you with a phonecard so you can call whenever you want. I think there is always someone to talk to until about 11pm. xxxx

Lighthouse - that is a brilliant idea that FSID have. How wonderful. I was very involved with Compassionate Friends for many years. Groups like that are so very helpful aren't they?

Good morning girls xx

Morning all xxxxx

I have been busy for a few days, so havn't had time to post.

I see we have some new friends on the thread, so sorry we have to meet like this.

tiamummy - as others have said, what you are feeling is so very normal. Cole died and was laid to rest at home until his funeral. We were lucky that we were able to go in a touch and talk to him as often as we wanted. And for us this helped us accept that he was gone, so if you feel it is right for you to keep visiting Tia, do it.

Also, when we had to go and register Cole's death we couldn't stand the idea of him being in the house alone, so we had someone come and stay with him. That probably sounds very odd to a lot of people who haven't experienced what we have all been through, but I hope it makes you realise that it is normal that you don't want Tia to be alone.

The funeral was a hard day, but it felt like a small hurdle had been leaped. There are many others along the way, but each time you make a jump the weight on your shoulders feels a little less.

The above is my experieance of how I was feeling at your stage, so I hope it helps you in some small way.

So much love to you all and to little Tia xxx

shabs - I got the remember day phrase from you, and it is the 7th Nov. I can already feel myself getting wound up and upset by it.

Try to keep calm darling - so easy for me to say I always find that 'the day' is never as bad as I dread it being.

Good to see you here xxx

AWWW Ilike I had a little sniffle when you said you had someone come sit with cole while you went to the registry office..

I think that is really really sweet.

You must have really lovely friends and/or family.. I think if i had askedmy family/friends they would have said absolutley bloody not ..

the run up to the remember day is always soo much harder than the day itself isnt ...

at least mac will give you another focus some of the time.. hold him tight

Morning all!

Been to ds Harvest Festival at school today - he did a tango!!

So, I have a day off work and I'm doing lots of "exciting" things! Got the dental hygenist in 20 mins, a bikini wax at lunchtime and midwife this afternoon. Also have to squeeze in going to the bank and getting some paper and pens for revision for a course I'm doing next month! Oh what a life I lead!!