For Bereaved Mummies. Remembering Jack and our other precious little ones... the sharing of hurt is the beginnning of healing.

[lottiejenkins]

Third time lucky........ Thanks to Shabs and FMN. I hope i can carry the baton as well as you did. I havent made a good start though. Things can only get better.........

I can't believe nobody else has been in in the last 4 hours! Hope you're not all off having too much fun?

Izziesmum, my dd2, Eris, was stillborn 7 months ago at 39 weeks. I found myself a bit of a lifeline by coming on here, and making friends with ladies who truly understand how I feel. This is somewhere that we really seem to be able to say what we feel without needing worry about hurting peoples feelings. You'll find you get a variety of responses to questions you ask - none are right, none are wrong - they are just our own ways of getting by. There doesn't even seem to be a problem with diferent peoples religious and spiritual beliefs - we just listen to one another and take on board the useful bits IYSWIM?

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. My way is seemingly to get on with things. But the days when I have downers I can come here and know I have love and support. The times I don't have downers, I can come here and have smiles.

Tiasmum, I have posted on your other threads too. I don't know what it is like to lose a child who you have actually had and held seemingly safe in your arms. I've sometimes toyed with the question of whether it would have been better to have known Eris in this world then lost her, or if it was "easier" to have lost her before she was truly here. But I know that it is not really a question any of us can answer. At the end of the day, it would be better for all of us to have our children safely in our arms for a long, long, long time. Sadly that is something we have all been robbed of

As for your dh, I know others have said to let him see the support you are getting here. I did that with my dp. I don't think he understood at first why I was on the computer so much, but then I showed him some of the messages, some of the truly lovely, heartfelt things people had said. How people come back even when you aren't online to ask how you are. Some of the things brought him to tears. I doubt he still actually "gets it" but he seems a lot more understanding now. And when he hears me talk about my MN friends like REAL friends I think it makes him understand even more.

Anyway, off to read ds school book with him before tucking him into bed, then tuckng myself into bed immediately after

Hi all......... im having a girly night with my neighbour tonight.......our passion is Toby Stephens and he is on itv tonight at 9pm which will be exciting......... I had a real go at someone earlier on The X Factor thread......they referred to Daniel whos wife died last year as "The Widower" i replied that i hoped i wasnt known as "The Widow".............!

Thanks again for your wise words, and I'm so sorry for all your losses. But thank you all for being so strong and kind to take time to help people like me.
It's "nice" (not quite the right word, but hopefully you know what I mean) to hear from people who actually understand and who I can say some of these things to.
We've not really had that much support in RL and I think people assume that because I'm back at work I'm feeling ok. I also get the feeling that people don't think it's the same - almost like it wasn't a real loss - as she wasn't actually born alive. Maybe that's just me being over-sensitive, but very few people ask about her or mention her name. I feel like she's been forgotten.
Frasersmummy - I like your idea about trying to get through an hour at a time at work. But then I feel guilty for being able to get on with things. And then people think I'm doing ok, when inside I just feel like crawling back into bed and hiding.
Feedmenow - I want to be able to get on with things, and I suppose I've made steps towards that by going back to work, but everything feels wrong. It's like I'm not meant to be at work, as I'm meant to be on my maternity leave. And I'm not meant to be sat at home, as I'm meant to be busy with my darling baby.

Hi,

Welcome Izziesmummy and Tiasmummy. Sorry we have to meet like this but I hope you will find the support here helpful in the months to come. The ladies here are a lovely bunch I don't know where I'd be now if I hadn't come here. xxx

Mel, Shabs and Lottie - thanks for adding me on Facebook. Can I add you FMN?

Hope everyone is okay. xxxx

IzziesmummyI really feel for you when my son was stillborn I had mixed reactions, some people were as devastated as we were, some avoided us and others like you said just in a way shrugged it off, because Jack wasnt born alive it didnt matter. I personally felt that from my older relatives more so though it was an old fashioned way of thinking.
My gran in law showered her GD who gave birth to a disabled son with attention, love, support and money and when my DH rung her to tell the bad news all we got was 'Jack who?' and he never got mentioned again.
I know not everyone has to agree on things in life but sometimes I find other peoples reactions to things infuriating sometimes.
Keeping busy helped me I started a at home course soon after loosing Jack to help distract me. Didnt finish it mind, but at the time I think I would of gone crazy if I hadnt started it.

Dont think FMN realises the wonderful gift Eris gave us. Remember we nagged her to carry on the thread - now when I think about it I bet she didn't want to be bothered BUT thankfully she did.

Over the weeks the thread changed from being full of to loads of and quite a few .

We all have a lifetime path to walk down. I know we can all help each other walk it. There is light at the end of our tunnels its just that sometimes the bulb needs changing

Our children would be so proud that we are all sticking together. xxxxx

yes girls everyone is so great here,i came here after my daughter lost her tn week old son december 2006,has been my lifeline.
these girls kept me going at the time when it was so hard watching my daughter and eldest granddaughter going through hellx

Shabster - I really like that "bulb needs changing" comment. I just hope that I get to see the light at the end of the tunnel some time soon.
But it does give me some hope, seeing comments from people who have been through such terrible losses and who have come through the other side.
Thank you all.

Izzie - it will happen my love....I hate the saying that 'time heals' but honestly it does. The bad memories start to fade and our smiles do come back. But even know after all the years without my two precious sons I have bad days. This thread is very important to me because other people help me and I hope I help other people.

Stay around my darling - I will help change your light bulb if I can xxx

Someone close to me as if i was going to stop going to the babyloss services now? I said i would continue to go as i wanted to remember Jack.................

Someone close to me as if i was going to stop going to the babyloss services now? I said i would continue to go as i wanted to remember Jack.................

You OK lottie - want to gab about it?

Have to go to bed my loves. Just watching different streets in our area having power cuts. Want to be in bed with my vanilla candles and matches before it gets to us See you all in the morning. Good night everyone xx

Good morning girls xx

morning girls glad to see electric back on shabster dont like it with no lights as worry about safety with candles,my youngest dd always lightsthem and i blow out if i leave room,seen as im mad as dd says.
if anyone else wants to add me to face book im hazel jeffkyns .
shabster you do help on here your sorted my light bulb many a time recently when life has been shit.
welcome to new ladies too,and its true life goes on for us all it changes bu we survive we dont forget them,never willxxxxxxxx

Hiya Hazy - think me and you are both a bit mad Ive found that it helps though!!

hows lewiss doing ,is emma getting there.amelia can stand for ages but won do any steps

Emma is doing fantastic. Still on her anti depressents - but, what the hell!! She has started telling me about Lewis' birth. It was the exact opposite of everything she wanted and I think that was the beginning of the depression. She is a wonderful mum and Dan is one amazing dad. I am so happy for them that everything is coming together.

Lew is almost 5 months - can you believe that? He is 14lbs 4ounces, he flipped over onto his tummy a couple of weeks ago. He is really verbal and 'gabs' away! Still hardly any hair and still dark blue eyes.

Emma is going back to work in January and they still want me to look after Lewis - so I am getting excited. Will need lessons on how to push a pram again

How is your daughter doing Hazy - I often think about her and you. xxx

dd is doing great back with dp again,has good days and bad times and is brill with amelia,we have her when they are both working,i never thought id feeel the same about her,but worship her,everyone seems to think jayden doesnt matter now she i here, but he does ill always miss our little man.
i cant believe lewis is five months old already,he looks a lovely little chap is he good xyoull soon get the hang of the pram just remember the brake,ha ha

Oh Hazy - dont know how you cope with the loss of a grandchild - you are a good grandma.

So glad to hear your daughter is back with DP. They need each other dont they? Jayden will never ever be forgotten but it sounds like Amelia is a reason to carry on. My Danny was always my reason for getting up in the morning and doing the best I could do all day.

Wish we didn't have to be on our thread.....so glad we have each other. Think my lightbulb needs changing today

its funny the week before dh moaned about toys etc allove,his garage full of car seats and pushchairs and sticky fingers on tv,jayden died we said wed never moan again and im sat here staring at finger prints all over screen again but laugh about it now,thoseprecious handprints.
im taking it easy today as working tnitex

Thanks for pics hazy - just beautiful x

Hazy - I'm so pleased your DD and her DP are back together. Thats such wonderful news. Will you give her my best? I often think about her and Jayden. xxx

Hello, is it possible to talk to someone at the moment

hi tiamummy are you ok