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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

For Bereaved Mummies. Remembering Jack and our other precious little ones... the sharing of hurt is the beginnning of healing.

1000 replies

lottiejenkins · 10/09/2008 14:01

Third time lucky........ Thanks to Shabs and FMN. I hope i can carry the baton as well as you did. I havent made a good start though. Things can only get better.........

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Kat172 · 20/09/2008 11:28

Morning shab hunny hows your staurday morning doing, The wording for macys stone is so difficult to choose but gone with this

Gently the leaves of memory fall
gently i gather and treasure them all
unseen, unheard your always near
so missed, so loved, so very dear

triplets · 20/09/2008 11:29

Thats lovely Kat xxx

shabster · 20/09/2008 13:45

We have the boys pictures on the stone and their details. Underneath it says .....'only a whisper away'

feedmenow · 20/09/2008 20:33

Evening all. Not hanging around as I'm shattered (numerous children's birthday parties in one day!)and need my comfy bed! But just wanted to say a quick hello/goodbye!

lottiejenkins · 20/09/2008 20:52

Ive just found this poem and as we were talking about our
childrens resting places i thought it apt to post it......

WEEP NOT FOR ME BY ANN UPEX
*

I AM NOT HERE BENEATH THIS STONE YOU PLANT FOR ME.
I AM ABOVE IN SUN AND SHOWER, I FALL UPON EACH BEAUTIFUL FLOWER.
I AM THE WARM BREEZE UPON YOUR CHEEK.
I AM THE HAPPINESS YOU SEEK.
WEEP NOT FOR ME, MOTHER OF MINE.
I AM ALWAYS HERE, JUST LOCKED IN TIME.

Very simple but very true.....

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mel1981 · 20/09/2008 21:40

Evening all!
Kat & lottie- they are both perfect. Such lovely meaning to them.

Kat172 · 20/09/2008 21:43

lottie thats beautiful hun

lottiejenkins · 21/09/2008 09:48

Morning all............. Ive beaten you to it this morning Shabs....... xxxxxxxx

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shabster · 21/09/2008 10:21

Morning Lottie LOL - Morning girls xx

lottiejenkins · 21/09/2008 20:27

Hello all xxxxxxx Just got in from Harvest Festival with the Bishop! Am off to hospital tomorrow for an xray on my troublesome hip. Its nice though because my friend is the radiographer.

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Thelighthousekeeper · 21/09/2008 20:43

Hi Lottie, Hope your appointment goes ok x

Hi everyone. DD went to her first birthday party today. She was very excited about wearing a pretty 'gown' (as she calls her dresses - she is a true princess!) and her new sparkly shoes.

lottiejenkins · 21/09/2008 22:17

I am sure she is a proper princess... Wilf is turning into a proper male Vicky Pollard....... Some friends stopped by with their baby so i got him to come out and have a look,,,, he gave a cursory glance into the pram, waved and said "ehhho" Wilfspeak for "hello" I fingerspelt that it the baby was called Finlay,,,, he looked me up and down like i was about five and said " I know" and walked off, leaving my friends howling with laughter and me about 2 inches tall !

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lottiejenkins · 21/09/2008 22:33

Oh and he "doesnt do flowers" either because they are "boring" so he stayed with my neighbour yesterday afternoon so i could go to the flower festival!!

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Thelighthousekeeper · 21/09/2008 22:45

Ah bless him!

Aurelie seems to be 3 going on 15! I announced this afternoon after the party that we had to go to the tip and she announced that she didn't want to so she was going to stay with Milo (our dog)! I also get this reaction quite often in the morning when we have to get up early to take DH to the train station. She just turns over in bed and like a sulky teenager says 'leave me alone!)

shabster · 22/09/2008 06:57

Good morning girls xx

travellingwilbury · 22/09/2008 07:25

Good morning all

I hope you don't mind me stopping by to say hello . I am a berevaed mum (my son was 14mths old and d**d in 2001 of an acute asthma attack )

I was just looking at some old poems that I have and thought some of you might like this one . I think it is so true and I wish people who still had all their children would read this and learn .

Ask My Mum How She Is

My Mum, she tells a lot of lies, she never did before,
From now until the day she dies, she'll tell a whole lot more.
She used to tell the truth a lot, but now it doesn't matter,
I died and went to heaven, now her life is all a-shatter?d.

Ask my Mum how she is, and she'll say "oh yes, I'm fine!"
She wants to beg, "Please help me, ?cause I?ve lost that boy of mine".
Ask my Mum how she is, and she'll say, "oh I'm alright",
If that's the truth then tell me please, why does she cry each night?

Ask my Mum how she is, ?cause she seems to cope so well,
She didn't have a choice, you see, nor yet the strength to yell.
You think you know the feeling, but in fact this cannot be,
For even though you loved me, it was not as much as she.

She?ll smile and she will tell you, "It's OK, God has a plan?
But then she?ll turn away and cry, ?cause she can't understand.
You tell a joke, she giggles, but in fact she?s not OK,
She wants to share the joke with me, but it won?t be today.

I watch her here in Heaven, her distress disturbs my peace,
Will someone please take care of her, and thus take care of me?
"Some day you will feel better", "Yes, I will, one day", she lies,
She knows this will not happen until the day she dies.

Ask my Mum how she is and she'll say, "I?m doing good",
She cannot tell you how she feels - oh, how I wish she could.
Ask my Mum how she is: "I'm ok, I'm fine, I'm coping.?
For God's sake, Mum! just tell the truth and say your heart is broken.

Ask my Mum how she is: she?ll reply "I'm well, and you??
I'll shake my head in Heaven, ?cause it simply isn't true.
She'll love me all her life, just like I loved her all of mine,
She'll lie and try to hide the pain, pretending that she's fine.

Her carnival is over, she's stepped off the carousel,
But to save you feeling bad she'll say, "Yes thankyou, all is well".
My Mum, she's not gone mad quite yet, but oh, so very nearly,
Don't ask her how she's doing; ask her how she?s doing ...really.

I?m watching her from Heaven, and I cannot hug from here,
If she lies to you, don't listen, but please hug her, hold her near.
On the day we meet for ever we shall smile and I'll be bold:
"You're lucky to get in here, Mum, with all the lies you've told!!"

Love to all of you

xx

lottiejenkins · 22/09/2008 07:41

Good Morning TW welcome to Jacks leg of the journey.....what a lovely poem....... What was your sons name?

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shabster · 22/09/2008 07:44

Good morning Wilbury - welcome to our lovely thread - wish we didn't have to meet this way but unfortunatly we have no choice.

You have just made me sob at that poem. Its so true....I rarely tell people the truth as to how I am feeling and it has been 26 and 16 years since I lost my sons.

Keep visiting us my love....we all have different stories and different experiences but we all help each other. So sorry that you lost your son, so sorry.

xxxx

travellingwilbury · 22/09/2008 07:50

Thank you for the kind welcome Lottie and Shabs . My son was called Harry .

Sorry I made you sob , it gets me every time . Like you say it is so true .

I will go and have a read of the beginning and try and get to know you all a bit .
(hope I don't sound like a mad stalker )

xx

shabster · 22/09/2008 07:56

Stalk away my love!!!

You will soon get used to us!

lottiejenkins · 22/09/2008 08:03

Morning Shabs.............

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shabster · 22/09/2008 08:30

Morning Lottie xx

Isabellasmam · 22/09/2008 09:46

Good morning girls

I hope you dont mind me joining as I didnt lose my baby but my sister's little boy was born at 28 weeks last saturday and only lived 3 hours. I was with them when he died and although I can in no way understand how she feels, feel like I've lost my own baby.

We have pulled together as a family and in just a short time she seems to be coping and has even taken her 3 yo son to his first day of school. What worries me is the poem posted above by TW. Is she never going to feel better, will she be sad forever, will she be wishing her life away to be with him? I am completely devastated by this but I couldnt bare the thought of her keeping her true feelings to herself and thinking that her life is over.

shabster · 22/09/2008 09:51

OMG Isabella - I am sorry for your families loss.

It is good that your sister has taken her little one to school. I know that she is craving normality and it is the best thing she could have done.

I hate the saying 'time heals' but it is true. She (and all your family) will never, ever be the same again. As the weeks go by there will be many, many 'ups and downs.' Over the years the memories soften and you will all smile again. Its hard to put it into words because it is such an un-natural thing for our children to die before us.

Be there for each other....it is a crappy path we are all travelling but it has to be travelled.

Every mum on here will help - they are a wonderful bunch. Please pass on my deepest sympathy and love to your family xxx

babyangels · 22/09/2008 09:57

Hi Shabster

Its Isabellasmam I've just changed my nickname.

Thanks for the advice and the kind words. I have only managed to have a quick look back on the thread and see that you lost two sons a while back. Do you still cry at night and lie about how you feel to others. I cant bare her suffering in silence, I just wish I could take her pain away.

BA

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