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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My Baby Boy died suddenly 4 weeks ago aged 10 weeks.

244 replies

Thelighthousekeeper · 01/07/2008 22:10

Hi, I'm new here and am finding it very hard to cope since my son died. I put him to bed in the early hours of the 4th June and woke up just before 6am to find he had died.
I just miss him so much and spend every minute of every day thinking of him yet all around me life goes on as normal and I find this really hard.

Has anyone here gone through this? how did you cope?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thelighthousekeeper · 09/07/2008 21:05

My husband had a call from the coroners office today to say that they had had all the resuults from the post mortem and that it is SIDS. There will now be an inquest but they don't know when.

OP posts:
hazygirl · 09/07/2008 21:24

lighthousekeeper, i am so sorry noah was same age as jayden and he also was lost to sids,fsid are fantastic ,my dd also had a befriender and it helps ,it is nearly 19 months since jayden died ,big hugs to you x i dont know if you know about ourforeverbabies.com my dd has found the girls really helpful xbig hugs and so sorryx

Original poster
Thelighthousekeeper · 09/07/2008 21:36

Hazygirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. How are you and your daughter coping 19 months on? Do the days get more bearable? I've spoken to FSID and they have been really nice and have found me a befriender. x

OP posts:
chocolatekimmy · 09/07/2008 21:59

Thelighthousekeeper, I am so sorry to hear about your pain and also to everyone else who has suffered so greatly from the loss of a child.

You will have many people with you along this difficult road so draw support from everyone on here who cares.

x

hazygirl · 09/07/2008 22:14

LHK my dd copes great she had a baby girl last year ,she helps alot ,she is not a replacement and my dd gets upset when people suggest she is.jayden gave us 75 wonderful days,he laughed,smiled and what a giggle he had,i have a video on my mobile and can see how wonderful he swas

OurHamsterisevil · 11/07/2008 18:33

So sorry for your loss . I hope that you, your DH and your DD can take some help and comfort from the people who have been through this on here.

carysdaniel · 15/07/2008 21:38

Sorry for your loss. My son also passed away last year in Oct. I found dailystrength.com and it has helped me a lot. They have a SIDS support group there. My baby was not classified as SIDS, but I talk to many mommies who also lost their babies as well! Hope this helps!

bogwitch · 15/07/2008 22:10

Just wanted to say how sorry I am Lighthousekeeper. All my thoughts are with you and your family.

Original poster
Thelighthousekeeper · 17/07/2008 21:11

My DH came home this evening in bits. He'd called in at the cemetry on his way home from work and just broke down. I hate seeing him like this and wish I could do something to make it better, but I know I can't. 6 weeks has now gone by and the pain is still so raw and I can't imagine us ever getting through this.

After Noah's funeral people were saying we should go away on holiday so we are taking our DD on holiday in a couple of days time but our hearts aren't in it. I feel guilty going away as Noah won't be with us and I won't be able to visit him every day.

OP posts:
iBundle · 17/07/2008 21:14

sweetie, your little one will always be with you, no matter where you are.

don't feel bad about going away if it's already planned/paid for

i'm sorry your dh was so upset but it is perfectly normal/reasonable and tbh i think it's good that he's open about his grief

xxx

iBundle · 17/07/2008 21:17

I've just had a look at Noah's pictures, what a beautiful little boy! xx

uptomyeyes · 17/07/2008 21:33

to you LHK and to your DH too.

Thinking about you all.

SO the holiday won't be the usual type of holiday...but it will give the three of you time together - which is a good thing. Noah is in the nucleus of every cell in your body LHK, thats where you carry him now and always, in the fabric of who you are.

anniemac · 17/07/2008 21:34

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becaroo · 17/07/2008 21:34

So very sorry for your loss thelighthousekeeper

suwoo · 17/07/2008 21:48

So sorry to hear about the loss of your gorgeous boy Noah. I will give my Noah (19 months) an extra kiss tonight and think of your beautiful boy. Sending you lots of love.

goodasgold · 17/07/2008 22:00

I'm sorry too, and I love your description of your lovely little Noah.

shabster · 17/07/2008 22:17

Lighthouse - I have been on holiday and only just saw your thread.

Oh my darling I am so sorry for your loss, so very very sorry.

I have trod the path you are on twice and it is a hard road. BUT there are some truly lovely ladies on MN who will always help. Please come to talk on the Sunflower thread. We all have different stories - all of them sad, when the first thread started there was only emoticons. Bit by bit a few emoticons started and we have been known to have several emoticons.

Noah sounds so wonderful - I dont know why these things happen - I cant explain any of it - I dont know why we have to try and live through such awful times. Keep talking and telling your story.

I wish I could make things better for you. I truly do. I offer you a shoulder to cry on, a sarcastic sense of humour to smile with and a hug and a ready ear to listen to your thoughts.

I know my boys will be looking out for Noah - beautiful name by the way. Take care my darling xxx

shabster · 17/07/2008 22:19

Just had a nosey at your pictures - what a lovely, lovely family.

Holding you in my heart and my thoughts xxxx

mamabea · 17/07/2008 22:21

to those of you grieving my heart and thoughts go out to you.

HonoriaGlossop · 17/07/2008 22:38

Just wanted to add my voice to the others on here, so very sorry that your perfect little boy has gone and that you're all having to go through this. Just from your pictures it is possible to see what a loving family you are. And it's so wrong that such awful things happen. It is wrong, it shouldn't have happened to you or Noah, but I do hope that if you keep talking and as someone said earlier, telling your story, that it will help you in the long run.

Thinking of you all

shabster · 17/07/2008 22:42

Sunflower thread

Come and talk Lighthouse or just have a nosey. xxxxxxxx

SixSpotBurnet · 17/07/2008 22:44

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I do hope that you find comfort and strength from talking to other people here on mn x

anniemac · 18/07/2008 10:10

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wilbur · 18/07/2008 10:22

I'm so very sorry for your loss, lighthousekeeper. I hope some of the messages and contacts you've got here will help. Take care.

lilyloo · 18/07/2008 10:25

So so sorry what a beautiful boy especially love the picture with his daddy am so sorry for you and your family.