My Baby Boy died suddenly 4 weeks ago aged 10 weeks.

[Thelighthousekeeper]

Hi, I'm new here and am finding it very hard to cope since my son died. I put him to bed in the early hours of the 4th June and woke up just before 6am to find he had died.
I just miss him so much and spend every minute of every day thinking of him yet all around me life goes on as normal and I find this really hard.

Has anyone here gone through this? how did you cope?

TLHK - people react in such different ways to things, please try not to take too much to heart. I think until you have the same thing happen to you you dont know how to react and they think - wrongly- that not mentioning Noah means they wont be causing you more sadness.

Your pictures are so beautiful and show what a lovely family you are, and I really feel for you that your inlaws aren't sharing this when they could be a "sounding board" for your dh.

Do you and dh have your side of the family to talk to about Noah and your feelings?
xx

And Vio- your letter to Jim-Jim, I cant express how it has made me feel. Thank you for teaching me about EB too xx

I'm really sorry for your loss, it's not something I have experience of. My DD is coming up 4 and I can't even begin to imagine how painful this must be for you.

I don't know if you've come across it or anyone else has mentioned it, but there is a lovely book called 'Waterbugs and Dragonflies' which was recommended to us when we lost DH's nan earlier this year, to help explian things to our daughter. It's quite comforting to read as a grown up too.

We got ours from our local Christian bookshop, but it is not in-your-face religious, more spiritual in content, about the people we love and lose still being somewhere, just that we can't see them.

FWIW, my DH had some problems at work recently, and whilst he was there for a meeting I was tidying up our spare room and felt a very strong sense that someone was behind me, to the point where I could swear I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye. I immediately associated it with his nan, and in less than 2 minutes he walked through the front door and told me the work issues had been resolved completely. I think there is definitely something in what your friend said, and other people have touched on about people we love still being with us, and I'm sure you will know that feeling immediately when it comes to you, and I hope it happens for you soon and brings you some comfort.

Thank you for your kind donation UC.

Oh, it's no problem. Thinking of you and Thelighthousekeeper and your families xx

Thelighthousekeeper, what a truly awful thing. I was saddened to read about your loss.

Having read what has happened to you I felt compelled to immediately donate £500 (plus gift aid, of course) to FSID. I know it does nothing of your situation directly but hopefully it will go a tiny way to helping them in their research and helping parents like you who have suffered in such a tragic way.

I wish you well in coping with what has happened.

Thelighthousekeeper, I am in tears reading this thread and especially what you wrote about yr DD drawing a picture for Noah.

Thank you for sharing your memories and thoughts of him - what a beautiful little boy he is.

So sorry you have lost him. But I do believe that while we still think and talk about people they are not lost to us, they still live on. My dad died 20 years ago but I still laugh at his corny jokes.

Noah's smile will make you smile forever, I pray.

AnonymousForAWhile - Thank you so much for your amazing donation. I was just so blown away and even now I don't know what to say apart form thank you.

MollyCherry - I have heard of the book and will get a copy. We had a book called Heaven by Nicholas Allen (about a dog going to heaven) which we read to my daughter which seemed to help and for several days she would ask to have it at read to her night.

I so hope its true about our loved ones still being with us and that one day I will be lucky enough to get a sign. Although having said that the day Noah died I saw a white feather float down and have been told that that means there is any angel nearby. I just hope it was my little boy.

UniversallyChallenged - My parents are the complete opposite of the in-laws! Despite living in France (although they now want to come back to the UK to be near us and help out with DD) they phone twice a day to see how we are doing and they talk about Noah all the time. They were so devastated and came to stay in the first few weeks after he died. My mum is also staying with us this week as we've been finding things a bit tough lately so she offered to fly over.

the lighthousekeeper i too have on many occassions had the white feather come,it realy helps our jayden was also ten weeks old when taken by cot death,his pictures are on gonetoosoon and he is jayden jeffkyns danby ,im sorry i cant do links ,but on friday and i went to see a man called stephen holbrook and we got a message,my dd and i sat in tears ,honestly he knew things noone ever knew,i now know he is here still,even though we cant see him.can i just say noah is so lovely ,x big hugs.

the lighthousekeeper i too have on many occassions had the white feather come,it realy helps our jayden was also ten weeks old when taken by cot death,his pictures are on gonetoosoon and he is jayden jeffkyns danby ,im sorry i cant do links ,but on friday and i went to see a man called stephen holbrook and we got a message,my dd and i sat in tears ,honestly he knew things noone ever knew,i now know he is here still,even though we cant see him.can i just say noah is so lovely ,x big hugs.

Aah, thanks goodness for mums! Your parents sound so so lovely, bet you are looking forward to having your mum there this week. xx

Hazygirl - just looked at the Jayden's page - what an adorable little boy! I'm so happy for you that you got a message. Unfortunately my DH is rather cynical about stuff like that but I have to say I'm very curious although I think I'd be a bit scared (if that doesn't sound stupid). What was this guy like? By the way how are you and your DD doing? xx

thelighthousekeeper my husband is the same,but when we came back he is not so sure,my dh ,youngest dd and i went to chapel of rest and have never talked about what we did there to anybody ,yet this guy knew ,how i dont know.i havent slept properly since the night jayden died,ended up on alot of meds and seeing councillers ,been grandma and mum its awful because they want to be there for everyone,and watching my dd go through everything is just bloody awful,but on friday night i went to bed and was woken by my alarm saturday.
this man does venues all over country and there was a jam packed hall .and we cant believe we got message ,i know jayden is still here ,just like you will with noah.
my dd and her dp have split up,its been hard for them both,but he comes everyday to see amelia,it either pulls you apart or draws you together.
by the way the man we saw is steven holbrook,he does have a web site with venues on ,but honestly he knew everything .xx

I can only say sorry.
I don't have any first hand experience of this. My cousin went in his sleep at 9 months old.
Like everyone else, I just want to say sorry and to encourage you to talk to SANDS.
My aunt never really spoke about Andrew, you need an outlet.
So sorry

Have felt very sad today as Noah would have been 6 months old today.

DH met up with his father last week and he basically said we need to get over it and move on! This was the first time he had seen his father since Noah's funeral back in June. His mother is still being just as bad. My DH ended up sending her an email pouring out his heart to her about how he felt as she was being so unsuportive and she didn't bother to reply for 3 weeks and then said she had got it but had been far too busy to. I worry about him so much, he is such a broken man but obviously he has to go to work every day and has to be strong there, so he often comes home and just breaks down. I so scared he will make himself seriously ill, you hear of people who suffer a breavement and then die soon after. I just wish there was something I could do to make things better but I know I can't nothing will bring Noah back. At least he has a befrinder now (organised through FSID) and I think that is helping a little. Sorry to moan. xxx

Hugs Lighthouse.

Anniversarys are so hard aren't they? I dread the run up to them, the only comfort being I feel slightly better when they have passed.

Much love to you all xxx

Sending lots of love to you and your DH Thelighthousekeeper x

Thelighthousekeeper - this is absolutely tragic.

I feel so awful for you. My baby boy is 10 weeks old at the moment and I keep looking at him and hearing your words 'I miss him so much'. I feel SO desperately sad for you and you husband and daughter.

Noah is such an adorable name and both he and your daughter are absolutely beautiful.

I can't help crying when I read your replies to people. We are all completely powerless to help you and that's what I find most frustrating.

The only positive thing I can say is that you do have your gorgeous daughter to love and care for - but to be completely honest, I don't know what to say, as it's so sad. I just felt that I couldn't say nothing, even though I know I'm rambling.

I think you're so brave and Noah really is the cutest baby.

I just hope that time helps you to heal even a little and to allow you and your husband to look to the future with hope.

Once again, I'm so sorry.

Sorry I can't say anything to help you, but wanted to add to the many here who have expressed their sympathy. I hope you are finding the strength and support that you need.