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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My daughter passed away and I have a question?

134 replies

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:20

My daughter passed away after a short illness. She was 4 and i wish i could be with her. I dont really know what to do or say.
Her funeral is booked for 3 days time and the funeral service have asked us to finalise if and what we put in her coffin.
She had a teddy, a little lion she carried everywhere. Didn't sleep without it.
My husband wants to bury her with it, says she never slept without it and she will need it.
I agree but it has her smell and I dont know whether I can part with it..
I used mumsnet so much and i never thought id be posting this but I really need an outsides opinion

OP posts:
HighlandTERF · 01/04/2026 13:22

I am so sorry OP.

Personally, I would keep the lion and bury her with another toy she was fond of.

Take care of yourself.

TofuTuesday · 01/04/2026 13:23

I would bury her with the lion and take a photo of it for my own memories. It’s irrational but I worry that you might be upset about her not having it.

BigOldBlobsy · 01/04/2026 13:24

OP im so sorry you have to go through this. I’m not sure, is there anything else that has her smell you can keep? I think I’d feel similar to your husband - some comfort for her to pass on with. X

ainsleysanob · 01/04/2026 13:24

Crikey that is a tough one and my thoughts are with you all OP. ❤️

Personally, I wouldn't be able to be parted from it but I entirely see where your husband is coming from. I don’t know is the short answer but I’d struggle not to have it with me.

Giftspread · 01/04/2026 13:25

Can you put a special blanket or toy in the coffin and keep the lion? I'm sure it will bring you comfort in the coming months. I'm so sorry OP.

Scruffysquirrels · 01/04/2026 13:25

I wouldn't want to part with the toy either. What about keeping that and giving her something that smells of you and DH. I'm sure she'd sleep with you close by 💐

Littletreefrog · 01/04/2026 13:25

What an awful decision to make but I think I would let her have her lion with her.

Greenmeansgogogo · 01/04/2026 13:25

So sorry for your loss OP.

I would bury her with the lion. You are in such grief and shock I understand why you want this special thing to connect yourself to her, but I think in time you would regret not giving it to her. Let her go to sleep with it.

Missingthesea · 01/04/2026 13:26

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. I lost a daughter suddenly last year; she was an adult but I'm sure the agony is the same.

Such a difficult decision to make. I don't feel I can advise one way or the other. Though her smell will gradually wear off the lion. Sending hugs.

Manzana · 01/04/2026 13:26

I am so sorry for your loss. A family member lost their husband and was going to bury his favourite piece of clothing with him (wore it all the time) but couldn't bear to part with it at the last moment and didn't regret it, it was a poignant reminder.

Ovaryinatwist · 01/04/2026 13:28

I’m so sorry you’ve had to face this.

Is it possible to get another one of the same teddy easily? Then have the new one with her and keep the old one?

DSisNolongerhere · 01/04/2026 13:29

I am so sorry OP.

I know it's not the same at all as losing a child but I had a similar dilemma about a ring when my DSis passed away unexpectedly and spoke to a few friends about it. Her husband had offered me her engagement ring (she had lost her wedding ring), initially I felt that she should be buried with her ring as it was part of her but then a couple of good friends I spoke to thought I should have the ring as a momento of her (it was of sentimental value only really and I had nothing else of hers).

After a lot of thought, in the end I did take the ring and have worn it every day since. I get comfort from just seeing it on my finger every day.

Honestly in your situation, I would keep the lion, particularly because of the smell of her being on it. Your DD had the comfort of the lion while she was here and I'm sure she would want you to have that comfort now.

Sending hugs Flowers

FKAT · 01/04/2026 13:30

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. Flowers

I would put the lion in the coffin with her and find something else with her smell.

DSisNolongerhere · 01/04/2026 13:32

I also like a PP's suggestion of putting something with your and DH's smell in with her instead.

PC20 · 01/04/2026 13:39

Oh bless you. I am so sorry for your loss.
This was me 26 years ago. Our daughter was born premature and lived a few weeks in SCBU. We had a small Tigger in her cot her whole life. We were asked what to put in the coffin and dithered. In the end the Tigger went on top of her coffin at the funeral & we had it back after. For quite a number of years that same Tigger came with us on all holidays - taking a piece of her everywhere we went. It was very important to us that we still kept that piece of her. I can still see the image of Tigger on her coffin and I am proud of her.
Please show these messages in the thread to your husband so he can see all the options.

XMissPlacedX · 01/04/2026 13:39

OP I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I like another posters idea of burying her with something of yours and dh’s, and keeping her little lion. Sending hugs to you and your DH.

Silverbirchleaf · 01/04/2026 13:41

Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

OP posts:
LadyWiddiothethird · 01/04/2026 13:45

Oh how sad.I would put the lion with her.Otherwise you will be obsessed with where it is and if you ever lose it or something happens to it,you will be heartbroken.

I was a young widow and kept something of my husband’s,then I lost it.I was devastated,I used to take it everywhere with me.

Thinking of you and understand the dilemma you have.

DSisNolongerhere · 01/04/2026 13:45

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

I think that is a lovely idea. Thinking of you both so much.

busyd4y · 01/04/2026 13:47

What an awful situation, I think I'd have to keep the original toy, your compromise is a good one.

sixsept · 01/04/2026 13:48

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

That's a really lovely idea.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, my heart really goes out to you both.

Boustany · 01/04/2026 13:49

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband's idea is very good.

SilkyredPjs1 · 01/04/2026 13:49

I would be keeping the lion.

God, my heart is breaking for you OP. I have a nearly 4 year old DD and this just brings home how volatile and precious life is.

You and your husband and your darling daughter will be in my thoughts a lot. Sending you so much love and strength. X

MyOliveStork · 01/04/2026 13:49

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are doing ok, my thoughts are with you.

My daughter died suddenly 25 years ago and reading your post reminded me about her teddy. I left it with her at the funeral directors but I told her that I was going to keep it with me as I really needed it to help look after me. I know she would have wanted me to have it.

Instead she was buried with my necklace that I wore everyday and she used to play with when I carried her (she was 14 months old), a photo of me, her and Daddy, and a blanket which was made for her when she was born.

Her teddy was a huge help to me and I am glad I kept it.

Stay strong. You WILL get through this xxxx