My daughter passed away and I have a question?

[bdhshsnsb]

My daughter passed away after a short illness. She was 4 and i wish i could be with her. I dont really know what to do or say.
Her funeral is booked for 3 days time and the funeral service have asked us to finalise if and what we put in her coffin.
She had a teddy, a little lion she carried everywhere. Didn't sleep without it.
My husband wants to bury her with it, says she never slept without it and she will need it.
I agree but it has her smell and I dont know whether I can part with it..
I used mumsnet so much and i never thought id be posting this but I really need an outsides opinion

I’m sure if you daughter knew how much you needed the teddy, she would want you have it. I think the idea of a second teddy you sleep with in the meantime is a perfect idea.

I’m so sorry for you loss, and you sound like wonderful parents.

I took the teddy with me to a hotel and stupidly left it behind (of all the things to leave) as it fell off the bed and wasn’t seen. Luckily the hotel staff went up to find it when I became slightly hysterical over the phone when they reeled off the standard lost property check. They found it and posted back to me.
After that, teddy always stayed by my bed, safe and sound x

The idea of the new Simba is probably a good option. But whatever you choose, it’s the right choice for now. Future you will understand. X

I totally get this - so sorry for your loss 💐

when my dh died (both 37) he had a fav shirt and obv a wedding ring

I thought long and hard and kept his fav shirt and put him in another one. And kept his ring - now in a box with my wedding ring as well

i would keep the lion and put another cuddly in

Bless you both. Whatever you decide is beyond heartbreaking but your husbands idea is a good one. I can’t imagine what you both are going through. You both sound like bloody lovely parents though. She was very lucky, even though you had each other for such a short time.

If your daughter was anything like most other sweet and thoughtful little girls, they often offer their special toys to others in need, especially family members or best friends. I think your little girl, now out of suffering, would have offered it to you.

She would offer her lion to me and my husband whenever she thought we were sad. She was so generous. We mis her so much. It doesn't seem like it's real at all

Your DH’s idea of a duplicate is a really good one

This is a lovely idea. I'm so sorry to you both I can't even imagine. Xxx

In that case you both keep it and put one with the scent of you both in. It seems the best way in awful circumstances, one your daughter would also want I think from what you have said.

I think getting another Simba and sleeping with it for a few nights is a wonderful idea. But as someone previously said, the original Simba will one day lose its precious scent of your beautiful little girl.

No one who hasn’t been in your position really know what they’d do after such a heartbreaking loss but that said I think I’d want Simba with her.

just a thought - could you get another Simba and put it in a ziplock bag with the original so the scent of your wee girl transfers to the new one which you’d keep in the ziplock bag?

This is is lovely idea and even more so with your next reply saying she would offer lion to you if thought you were sad

I have just had my dad cremated in his favourite Everton Zip up hoody. I regret this so much. The lion will bring you so much more comfort having it with you and you will really need that to grieve.
My dad died on 15th January and last night I had to sleep with one of his t shirts.
I would use the next couple of nights to cuddle a blanket and pop that in with her.
I'm sending you so much love.

I would agree. I am so sorry for your loss.

Im sorry your daughter has passed away. My 2 year old daughter died a few months ago suddenly. I have kept her favourite teddy, we cremated her with her favourite dolly, book and blanket. It is such a personal decision.

If you want to message me please do, id love to hear all about her if you want to talk xx

I cannot imaging the pain you and your family are suffering and I am so sorry. I think your plan is perfect. She gets a simba teddy and you can keep the one with her smell. Really good idea x

I think getting a duplicate and sleeping with it is a lovely idea. If you have a favourite perfume you could put a little of that on too.

I really don’t know the answer but just wanted to say how very very sorry I am for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through. It’s no help but I can understand exactly why you want to keep the lion but also why your husband thinks it should be with your daughter. As other people have said, is there anything else that still has her smell on it, or anything else special that you could place in the coffin instead?

I’m so, so sorry.

I'm so very sorry for your loss xxx

This is such a beautiful idea.

In that case I've changed my mind. I think your idea sounds perfect you keep her lion with you and she can have a new lion from Mummy and Daddy to take with her.

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing more heartbreaking to go through. There is no "right" way to do this, and whatever you decide is OK. No one has the right to tell you that your decision was wrong.

(I wrote the below before seeing your update that you have decided already to do pretty much this)

When our DC was little and became attached to a particular blue-bear teddy that became a constant companion, we bought a second copy of the same teddy so that they could "work in shifts" (allowed me to wash it because it got really grubby). Could you get hold of a second one of the same lion toy? Do you remember where you got it? Mumsnetters have regularly helped other mumsnetters to replace much-loved toys in much less tragic circumstances than this, we can help you get a duplicate. Then you just need to decide which one to bury with her and which one to keep - personally I think I would rather the "original" one stays with her, and its identical twin stay with you, but it's your choice and giving her the new one is equally valid.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss, OP.

I understand both perspectives but what you've said here clinches it for me - she would definitely want you both to have the lion because you are both so very sad. Sleeping with a new one that you can then give to her sounds like a perfect solution.

Wishing you strength and peace in the difficult weeks and months ahead.

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can see both sides here but I carried my Teddy everywhere when I was younger, he’s still in my bedside drawer now and I’m 46. I’ve told my kids in no uncertain terms he’s the one thing that comes with me for noone else to keep when I pass. That bear got me through some shady times and I want him with me. That’s just another perspective for you. Maybe she would want him with her as that’s also her connection to you? Whatever you decide will be the right thing x