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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My daughter passed away and I have a question?

134 replies

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:20

My daughter passed away after a short illness. She was 4 and i wish i could be with her. I dont really know what to do or say.
Her funeral is booked for 3 days time and the funeral service have asked us to finalise if and what we put in her coffin.
She had a teddy, a little lion she carried everywhere. Didn't sleep without it.
My husband wants to bury her with it, says she never slept without it and she will need it.
I agree but it has her smell and I dont know whether I can part with it..
I used mumsnet so much and i never thought id be posting this but I really need an outsides opinion

OP posts:
LittlePetitePsychopath · 01/04/2026 21:36

I’ve got nothing to add here except that I’m so, so sorry and sending you so much love and strength.

MrsAppleron · 01/04/2026 21:38

Nothing to add, but just so sorry for your loss, can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling

BeepBoopBop · 01/04/2026 21:41

I am so sorry for your loss.

GodThatsBrilliant · 01/04/2026 21:42

I would buy a second toy and bury her with that, and then keep hers specially. I’m so sorry

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 01/04/2026 21:44

Oh god @bdhshsnsb sending you all the love in the world. I am so very sorry for our loss.

My stepson died suddenly 2 years ago, he was older (16) but my dh had a similar dilemma over what to put in the coffin with his son. There was a charity as part of the bereavement support form the hospital who gave a teddy to be put in the coffin with him. You should have a liaison/advocate assigned as part of the coroner process who can support you with finding out.

But honestly do whatever feels right on the day. Therr id a chance you will regret it not being with her but there is equally the chance you will regret not keeping it.

DogsandFlowers · 01/04/2026 21:44

I know this isn’t really comparable but when I lost my dad (he was young) for some reason I wanted to give him my childhood teddy to go with him and my mum said I’d regret it, I took off the little hat he had and gave him that then just had a new one made. I don’t know if Simba has any accessories you could take off? Sorry 🌺 xxx

ridingfreely · 01/04/2026 21:50

I’m so sorry for your loss. My daughter has a small cat toy that she has slept with every night. We accidentally lost this cat during a hotel stay and thankfully found a replacement on eBay.

daughter was thrilled and knew no different. In this situation I would keep the original. And spend the next few days with the replacement as you suggested and then she will have your familiar smell and her treasured toy.
sending so much love

21ZIGGY · 01/04/2026 21:52

❣️ all my thoughts, prayers and love to you and your husband and family. Im so sorry that this has happened

Superfoodie123 · 01/04/2026 21:54

So sorry this happened to you. There are words.

Your daughter has gone to a better place. You haven't. Keep the lion x

BeaLola · 01/04/2026 22:03

I am so very very sorry on the loss of your beautiful daughter. There are no words I can offer, you both sound so incredibly lovely and kind and it’s something no parent should have to live through.

I think your update re the new Simba is a lovely one and very fitting in light of that she would offer you her Simba when you were sad.

(I know someone else commented about fingerprints - if they were able to do this you may want to have and in the future you could have them exactly in a necklace charm)

I will be keeping you both and your daughter in my prayers. So very sorry.

Pricelessadvice · 01/04/2026 22:04

I’m so sorry for your loss xxx

thinkofsomethingdifferent · 01/04/2026 22:10

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss. This brought back memories for my cousin, who lost their son after a short illness. He also carried a favourite toy everywhere, a monkey. They too therefore had this dilemma. The monkey formed part of their many holiday photos in his short life, they would place him in funny places to make him laugh. They decided they would buy another monkey (cartoon character, similar to your situation), and they slept with it until the day of the funeral and then put that one in his coffin. The original stayed with them, and all these years later I see the monkey popping up on holiday pictures with their two surviving children. The monkey is very much part of their family life, and obviously a part of their son which they carry with them everywhere they go.

What they also did though, which might be an idea, is to ask your daughter’s friends/relatives to also place something in the coffin so she won’t be lonely. My cousins son was only 3, but a handful of his nursery friends brought small teddies, playing cards, fidget toys - even a football kit. Obviously I can appreciate this makes the coffin quite crowded, but they must have made it work somehow.

Sending huge virtual hugs at this sad time.

RollOnSunshine · 01/04/2026 22:18

Sorry for your loss.

Knowing the strong attachment that children can have to one special comfort teddy. I don't think I could keep teddy away from DD in that situation. A replacement is simply not the same.

As a slight aside remember this is mumsnet. So responses will typically be slightly biassed towards the mothers point of view.

Sending love at this difficult time.

honeyfox · 01/04/2026 22:20

I'm so sorry OP.

I think it's a great idea to have a similar lion that you sleep with for a few nights go with her on her journey. I think her own lion will give you great comfort.

HeartyViper · 01/04/2026 22:25

I have no advice, OP, but couldn’t read and run.

I am SO sorry for your tragic loss. Sending you both gentle hugs and strength 💐 xx

hannahbanana2007 · 01/04/2026 22:27

I’m so very sorry for your loss, i just can’t imagine your pain x

MabelAnderson · 01/04/2026 22:31

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

I am so terribly sorry op.
What a dilemma. I think I would also want to keep her lion while wanting her to have it with her too. The smell will fade over time but less so if you keep lion in a lidded box. After my Mum died I brought home my brother’s childhood teddy from Mum’s house, and one of my daughters loved to smell it because it smelt of her Grandmother’s house. Over ten years and a wash later the scent has faded but you can still faintly smell it, so if you keep Lion in a container that will help .
I think keeping her lion and finding another lion for her to have with her, might be best.
Again, I am so very sorry that you have lost your little girl.

Simplestars · 01/04/2026 22:34

💐 ❤️ my thoughts are with you.

baytreelane23 · 01/04/2026 22:37

Sending you so so much love at this incredibly difficult time for you both xxx

garlictwist · 01/04/2026 22:39

Could you keep the lion for as long as you feel you need it for and then if you want to bury it next to her if the time feels right? I’m so sorry for your loss.

Nickynackynoooo · 01/04/2026 22:41

Dearest stranger on the internet, I lost my daughter as a young adult, she was the love of my life and I know something of how you feel. This is the hardest thing you will ever endure.
My daughter's teddy was precious to her even when she grew up. I had the very same dilemma and I am so glad I kept him as even now, five years later he still smells of her and I can close my eyes and imagine her arms around my neck.
One thing that I really remember stood out was my elderly uncle saying to me, just remember you are not the only one that's lost her which I thought was harsh in the moment but he had lost his son at a young age and it seems there was some wisdom in his words.
Alongside your own unutterable torment, seeing the grief in others for your daughter is strangely validating to the special place they held on this planet. They meant something, they were amazing and they changed the lives of people who knew them.
Something else which helped is I have a small silver pendant around my neck that holds some of her ashes, that way she is always close to my heart and I never leave the house without her. I still hear her responses to many things in my head and I will always be open to hearing her laugh or take the mickey. She will always be with me as will your daughter always be with you.
These are the raw, bleeding, empty days. Take one hour at a time.
Sending you so much love and to everyone here that has lost someone dear, but especially their child.
Please forgive me if I have upset or offended anyone with my clumsy attempts at comfort, I am not brilliant with words, but if there was some small chance of me being able to help I wanted to try.

Derbee · 01/04/2026 22:42

@bdhshsnsb I am so sorry for what you are having to endure, losing your sweet girl. Your decision sounds like a good one, in the most difficult of circumstances. Your little girl will understand whatever your decision, she will know that mummy and daddy have done what they think is best for her.

user954309886 · 01/04/2026 22:51

I am so sorry for you. I am glad you have found a solution. I am weeping as I read this. Such unbearable pain. Sending love ❤️

Safxxx · 01/04/2026 22:52

So sorry for your loss 💔 definitely keep it as a memory of her, and replace it with another, you too need a comfort and her scent with you to get through these toughest days 🙏 wishing you all the best. I lost my baby..and the first year is the hardest 🥹 but time is a healer 🙏

TheChosenTwo · 01/04/2026 23:01

I think your compromise is just perfect.
I’m so sorry for you and your husband and anyone else who has walked this path, I can’t begin to think of the enormity of your grief but I’m sending love and strength to you and hope you have a strong network around you both to support you. 💐