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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My daughter passed away and I have a question?

134 replies

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:20

My daughter passed away after a short illness. She was 4 and i wish i could be with her. I dont really know what to do or say.
Her funeral is booked for 3 days time and the funeral service have asked us to finalise if and what we put in her coffin.
She had a teddy, a little lion she carried everywhere. Didn't sleep without it.
My husband wants to bury her with it, says she never slept without it and she will need it.
I agree but it has her smell and I dont know whether I can part with it..
I used mumsnet so much and i never thought id be posting this but I really need an outsides opinion

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 01/04/2026 23:03

I’m so sorry lovely
my little girl died just short of turning 2 in 1995
she had a wiggly blue worm toy she was fond of, bought for her by her Nan
that was placed in with her
if you want a personal opinion, then I would place it with her
it might give some degree of comfort to you DH in the knowledge she’s not alone
there is no right or wrong in any of this, it’s a decision that once it’s made cannot be undone
there is no pain like it, it’s shit and it’s not fair why us why her
we endure because we have no other choice, there’s no rules nothing you need to do for anyone else
be gentle with yourselves , one foot in front of the other
I will be thinking of you as I think will the other ladies on this site
its not mumsnet tradition but have a hug from another who’s been where you are now x

Ineffable23 · 01/04/2026 23:06

I think that the answer you've come to is the best one, in the circumstances. My thoughts are with you and your husband Bdhshsnsb.

OnceUponATimed · 01/04/2026 23:09

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

This is a perfect solution. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

babyproblems · 01/04/2026 23:18

@bdhshsnsb I am so so sorry for your loss.
I think I would keep her lion; and bury her with another toy that she was fond of; or something of yours that you would like to share with her.

I am so sorry for your loss and sending love and light to all on here that have lost their children. 🩷

babyproblems · 01/04/2026 23:40

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

This is a lovely idea @bdhshsnsb ❤️

GalaxyStars · 01/04/2026 23:54

I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️

Madthings · 01/04/2026 23:55

bdhshsnsb · 01/04/2026 13:43

Thank you. My husband is reading them with me and its by no means an argument or an easy decision. My husband is thinking of getting another lion, it's a simba from lion king so easily obtained and us sleeping with it until Saturday and then giving her that one. So she has our smell with her. And we keep the original. We've agreed she needs her elsa blanket but any more thought and all we do is cry. It doesn't feel real l. I miss her so much

This is a lovely idea. That way she has lion and it has part of you to be with her.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Wonkywalker · 02/04/2026 00:18

Some friends of mine had a similar dilemma after their 11 year old son died after extensive treatment for cancer - he had been comforted throughout his time in hospital by a soft toy we had bought him. His parents came to the decision that the toy should be placed in the coffin with him as a comfort.

There is no right or wrong answer but for what it is worth I think the smell would fade in time but the comfort of knowing the toy is with your daughter would last forever.

xx

MissSophiaGrace · 02/04/2026 00:38

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you both.

In time, you could have her pyjamas or a t-shirt made into a memory bear. It won't necessarily smell of her but will obviously be part of her.

I've also put hair into resin for people before at their request.

Biggiraffe · 02/04/2026 10:31

So very sorry for the loss of your little girl, and I send my heartfelt wishes to you to be kind to yourself as you grieve .
My little boy died 25 years ago now.
My advice is let her have the lion to rest in peace with , you are trying to deal with an unimaginable loss and hold on to anything to lessen that loss, which is understandable.
I think I would let it go with her as in time you will feel that you did the right thing for her .
And to prevent friction with your husband as you will both grieve differently , it will avoid conflict .
so sorry you have this difficult decision to make.
My son was adopted by us 10 months before his death , his birth family placed items from them in his coffin, I respected that as it was special for him

Original poster
bdhshsnsb · 04/04/2026 15:36

We laid her to rest today. Thank you for everyone's kind words. We buried her with a letter from us both, her blanket and the new simba we slept with

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 04/04/2026 15:46

Sending love on this difficult day.

Jellybelly80 · 04/04/2026 15:50

I’m so sorry❤️.

Burntt · 04/04/2026 16:03

I’m so sorry op. Your poor family xx

JMSA · 04/04/2026 16:04

Give yourself permission to keep the lion. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

Clearinguptheclutter · 04/04/2026 16:05

I don’t think there is a right or wrong here but I’m very sorry for your loss

JMSA · 04/04/2026 16:06

So sorry, I’ve just read your update. What you did was perfect, for her and for you xxx

MarxistMags · 04/04/2026 16:15

Oh my dear, my sincere condolences to you at this awful time. I'd keep the lion.
My heart goes out to you and Dad and all the family.💙

Xelda · 04/04/2026 16:17

Sending much love to you both, thinking of you Flowers

Thechateau · 04/04/2026 16:28

I'm so very OP, sending my love to you xx

Madthings · 04/04/2026 16:31

That sounds perfect @bdhshsnsb .
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love and strength 💐🦁

highlandponymummy · 04/04/2026 16:44

So sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Xx

horsesaanddogs · 04/04/2026 16:46

I’m so sorry for your loss! What you have decided sounds beautiful x

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 05/04/2026 11:47

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m too late to help you in your decision but what you have done sounds absolutely perfect.

Our darling daughter died 5 months ago. Totally unexpectedly. She was 24. She still lived at home with us and there was never a day in her life I had not spoken with her and rarely a day I had not seen her.

My daughter had a favourite necklace she always wore. It had a similar decision to make and ended up doing as you did. I bought a replacement for her to wear and I wear hers now.

I understand your pain. And the longing to join your beloved daughter. I hope you and your husband can support each other and that you find peace.

My thoughts will remain with you.

ohtobethin · 05/04/2026 11:59

I don’t know. I’m so sorry.

I don’t know about the lion, but how about wrapping her in a cardigan or something of yours? Something that smells of you so she always has you with her xxx