OK, so the thread begins! I tried to think og something better to call it, but all I have in my head (still) is Shabsters comment about how it would have been better if we'd all met on a thread called 'how to cope with excessive wind'!
Anyway, we have somewhere to come now. Somewhere 'proper' where we can chat and remember our precious lost children, whether they were stillborn like my angel, or whether they were with us for 2 hours, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years or 20 years. No matter how long they were here it is still so very wrong to lose a child.
I just wanted to tell you all about yesterday. It was such a very strange day. Dp and I were collected by the FD in the limo that Eris was in and we drove slowly down our road behind one of the FD men. I felt like a fraudster, like I was going to be caught out and asked what the hell we were doing 'playing' around.
Anyway, it turns out that the crem we went to is absolutely beautiful, really gogeous gardens. The service was lovely. The songs and music we chose were perfect, and both my mum and mil got up and said some really touching, beautiful words. The minister read a story I had chosen and also an extract from Winnie the Pooh that he suggested. I sat with my dd1 on one side and my ds the other, then dp next to him. We all had our arms around each other and I cried silently throughout. Then at the end the minister asked everyone else to leave so the 4 of us could say our final goodbyes, at which point I started weeping with a vengeance. It wasn't til we went outside to join everyone else that I saw all the people who had come to be with us.
We went back to my parents house for brunch, which went really well. I come from a family who crack open the wine and beer at the earliest opportunity, so the wine flowed along with the tea and coffee for the drivers. It was a beautiful day, the sun shining, so we went into the garden. The children and the men played football, the ladies chatted and did a bit of skipping (who would have ever known that I could still 'jump in'???. I had got some helium balloons printed with the words "Too beautiful for earth..." so everyone released one and 'raised a toast' to Eris. People gradually drifted off home, but a group of people stayed with us all afternoon and into the evening. We had takeaway and eventually got home about 10pm. It was a very special day. I talked about Eris lots and, very importantly, people had fun. A very important thing to do, IMO, when celebrating a life instead of mourning a death. As people left I asked them all to be sure to remember my little baby girl, to think of her often and not let her be forgotten.
Dp and I set up a fundraising page to raise money for SaNDS for people to make donations instead of brining flowers. When I checked earlier today, we have had donations of £1360! It makes me sad that we're in the position to have received those donations, but we smile when we realise how much people care.
Anyway, dp went to the FD this afternoon and picked up Eris' ashes, so we at least have now brought our daughter home. It raised a few laughs yesterday when we were asked what we planned to do with the ashes and I said we would bring her home and put her in the wardrobe with nanny (whose ashes have been in my wardrobe for 2 years now!). Some might find this odd, but others thought it touching and comforting that they would be in the wardrobe together.
Anyway, I have wittered on more than I intended. I am pleased to say that I do actually feel a sense of peace now that the funeral is over. Both dp and I had been scared of yesterday as we were both aware that a funeral brings about a finality and reality to what has happened. And somehow, facing that finality has helped me achieve a degree of acceptance.
So, in memory of my precious baby daughter, Eris, I would like to pronounce this thread for bereaved mummies "OPEN"!!