For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (November 2023)

[Crunchymum]

I hope no-one minds me starting a new thread, the old one is almost full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022?page=39&reply=130357515

As always lots of love and strength and support to you all xxx

Thank you so much for that. I'll watch it later. I know I'm struggling because any kindness and I well up, as I just have done right now.

My deepest sympathies go out to you.

I have just experienced something very similar. Found out dad had lung cancer just under 4 weeks ago and then he died this past weekend. Feel as if it's all been terribly handled by the hospital, and felt very alone and unsupported when he passed; I was with him.

@temo I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself. X

It has been a while since I posted here. Thinking of you all. Today would have been my mother’s birthday. The first since my Dad died last year.

Sorry @Mepop anniversaries / birthdays just hit that bit worse don't they x

Is it just self indulgent to be lying on my bed sobbing today? It's nearly a year since Dad died. It's exactly a year since I found out he had stage 4 cancer..I'm just full of stress and grief and feel like hiding from the world.

I feel like it just seems really self indulgent. My best friend lost both her parents. My boss lost her Dad a couple years before I did. It all feels too hard just now and the grief is just hitting me on top of work stress and chronic illness and single parenting and my child being bullied and and and... The grief just has made it to the top of the pile today.

No, it's not indulgent at all!! Allow the grief to rise to the surface as often as it calls for you to do so. Mine hit me again last night, and I just sobbed it out while my lovely husband held me. It sounds as though there is so much going on for you on top of your grief. Sending virtual hugs and flowers.

I’ve just lost my mum, 62, less than 3 months after diagnosis and in an awfully sad way I’m comforted to know there’s others out there sharing this heartbreaking tragic experience. I’m sure none of us want to be in this horrible fucking club and how I wish it never happened for any of us, I’m glad I’m not alone x

@Thby2023 It's the most life changing and shocking and monumental experience that is so everyday and mundane at the same time. I'm sorry you're going through it too.

I'm really having a tough week. The anniversary feels like it's a month long. It was 3 weeks of hell last March from diagnosis to dying. Too fast to get a handle on it and I am missing him so so much. I'm crying every day just now. I don't think I cried this much a year ago.

Grief is bluddy weird.

I've been hanging out a bit with my boss. Not in a weird way but just because I miss my Dad and he's older and reminds me of him in some ways. I know he'll retire soon. I spent a lovely hour just having a chat about his life and my life and stuff today. Was really nice. Making time for those things is important.

@Sohereitissuddenly bless you. It’s so bloody awful. We got 11 weeks but the doctors were looking at years, not weeks so it was such a shock. I’m still reeling from diagnosis, never mind the hell I’ve just experienced of watching my mother die in a hospice. She was 62, so healthy it’s just shit luck.

I get what you’re saying, I’m drawn towards people like mum or people who have lost their parents at present. I hope you had a better day today. Takes a long time to process trauma. I’ve not even begun x

I’m so sorry. It is so hard. Just take it day by day, minute by minute.

Like others are saying it is so hard. My Dad died a few months ago. No warning, he was healthy it was a RTA, he was a pedestrian. I think I was in shock for many weeks.

@Mepop that is so so heartbreaking I’m so sorry. I know from experience sorry isn’t nearly enough but all people can offer. All this is another world to me that I never even thought of before. I hope you’re starting to heal x

Anyone else just finding today really heavy and unbearable already in anticipation of tomorrow?

Yes @PepsiCoco dh and Ds are taking me for lunch, and we’ve invited my dad too. Mum died in August but there’s still a massive gap, I think tomorrow will be bittersweet, I will raise a glass to her and probably cry in private

I’ve been compartmentalizing recently as work has been hectic so have buried any proper contemplation. I suspect that might come out this week

@PepsiCoco yes, tomorrow is going to be difficult. Mum died 5 weeks ago and we thought tomorrow would be a very fitting day to scatter her ashes. So the family are doing that tomorrow morning and then I'm being taken out for lunch by DH's son, partner and little one and my dad is coming along too. So something nice to look forward to as well. But it's hard, love and much support to all those who will find tomorrow difficult xx

Just wanted to pop on and send love and light to everyone who will have to struggle through tomorrow without their beloved mum's.

Massive hugs to anyone going through their first mother's day without their mother.

This is my 4th one since I lost my mum in 2020 and although in some ways it gets 'easier' it's still weighing so heavily on my heart I feel like I could implode.

I've actually been a ball of anger today. I just feel rabid to be honest. I'm a mother without a mother and it's incredibly painful that I'm having to endure another 'hallmark' day without my mum.

I'll be going to inlaws tomorrow for a family gathering (I have a lovely SIL who no longer has her mum either and my wonderful MIL always makes sure we are well looked after on mother's day! My MIL is epic). I'll paint on a smile and I'll probably even have a nice enough day but I'll be glad when it's bloody over.

Keep strong and know you all were cherished by the women who carried you, birthed you and loved you absolutely from before you took your very first breath until they took their very last breath.

I lost my mum a week ago today. Completely unexpected, we were so so close.

Me and my sister are seeing each other, my dads taken his mum on the holiday that he was supposed to go on with my mum. First Mother’s Day with my 2 month old daughter. I’m in so much pain.

So sorry @Thby2023 it’s so raw still for you. I lost my mum a year ago, four days before Mother’s Day so last year I was just in a fog every day so no day was particularly more painful than the other whereas this year is different. Glad your mum got to meet your lo

I hope you get through okay❤️ I keep reminding myself it’s just a day. I’m blogging a lot x

Thinking of all of you, missing your mums today. Xx

In the words of King Charles

"Wishing all Mothers, and those who are missing their Mum's today, a peaceful Mothering Sunday"

Well done to you all who got through without your mums. My heart is still shattered but I started collecting for a charity in memory of my mum and it’s hit 1775 today. The charity shared her picture and a lovely tribute and people all over the world are commenting on my beautiful mum. It has added some light to a very sad day 💕

It's Monday now. Some sense of relief it's not yesterday.

I'm so sorry to all of you in your shock and grief.

I lost my mum September 2023.

Have name changed as I'm sick of seeing the other one iyswim.

Much love

X

12 months ago today I lost my lovely mum. It was a few days before Mother’s Day last year and it was just a fog. It doesn’t seem to be getting any easier and I still have PTSD type symptoms from the last few days.

I am so sorry. Anniversaries are so hard. I hope today is gentle for you.

Have you tried to find some counselling that might help, I would think if you have PTSD symptoms your GP should be able to refer you? Though I know it is hard to get with huge waiting lists.