For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (November 2023)

[Crunchymum]

I hope no-one minds me starting a new thread, the old one is almost full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022?page=39&reply=130357515

As always lots of love and strength and support to you all xxx

How is everyone?

So sorry to see more people joining us. I’m very sorry for your loss.

We are still a week away from DF’s funeral here. I’ve spent the last 10 days in a numb exhausted state trying to organise everything, but it has started to hit home more this week. I can’t get it out of my head how sad DF would be to be missing so much of his beloved grandchildren’s lives (they are only 7 and 9). Their loss is making me feel sadder than trying to process my own loss really at this point. He adored them and was so proud of them.

Hello I am still here lurking!

Still struggling here too, not crying every day but still keeps hitting me out of nowhere and the fact that I'll never see her again is making my heart hurt so much 😓

I know what you mean about the kids, my youngest has changed so much in just a month since Mum passed and I know she would hate to be missing them too. It's so surreal all of it and leaves so many unanswered questions about life and death.

Still two and a half weeks away from Dads funeral and @KylieKangaroo I know what you mean The grief comes in waves and they are like mini panic attacks when i realise i REALLY AM never going to see him again or hear his voice again.

Yes it's so overwhelming! Almost like it's unthinkable that you'll never see them again but you know it's actually reality 😓

Its very very hard

I really wish I had a strong belief in the afterlife too, I have been reading so many near death experiences but all it confirms is that we don't know what happens and that's also hard to take!

My wonderful mum died today. I can't begin to explain my grief
I think on here you'll understand.

@IWanderedLonely im so sorry

@IWanderedLonely I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such an awful shock, take care of yourself x

@IWanderedLonely go easy on yourself, one step at a time, no more. Try to eat and sleep if you can. I felt the very early days were an absence of feeling more than anything. Wishing you peace x

just joining…
I lost my dad in September 💔.
end of April this year he was still mowing my lawn then wham lung liver kidney colon and bone cancer house bound within a week of diagnosis. It physically hurts

@Fleetwoodmac23 I'm so sorry for your loss 😥

@Fleetwoodmac23 I'm so sorry, it's just brutal isn't it? Am glad you've found this group, there's no substitute for support from people who can understand, sadly from experience, what you're navigating right now.

I’m still lurking. Lost my mum in the summer. Completely floored me.

My eldest went to stay with my dad at the weekend to keep him company. I called her on Sunday night after she got back to uni. We had a little cry on the phone together. She is very close to my parents. And I felt so so sad.

Then yesterday I went for a walk by myself in the sunshine and kicked some leaves. I actually felt happy. I said to myself out loud, gosh I feel happy sort of in surprise really.

So very much up and down for me. Unmumsnetty hugs to all

@Sourisblanche I've been kicking a LOT of leaves too in recent weeks. Has some beautiful blue skies and sun the past few days after weeks of heavy cloud. Definitely makes a difference.

Yes Its the speed of it Last Christmas Day my dad was cooking Christmas dinner In May he told me he had prostate cancer

Thank you all for your kind words. Met today with my siblings, waiting for death certificate now, apparently the process has changed. Undertaker told us he can provisionally book the crem. I can't believe that I'll never see her again.

Hi all, been lurking for a while, so sorry you're all having a tough time. Lost my dad 3 months ago, cancer, things suddenly went downhill after having a diagnosis for years and various treatments.
I've had to sort out his affairs as executor, I'm pregnant and just so sad he'll never get to meet the baby and my DC's will now grow up without him. Mum has advanced dementia so doesn't really understand and can't be involved.
I manage most days in terms of work and plodding on but others I just feel so sad, that there's no one left that I can share childhood memories with, loves me unconditionally or able to share those milestone/happy events with.

@hobbledyhoy I'm really sorry about your Dad, it sounds really tough with your Mum as well. Life definitely has a way of throwing us under the bus sometimes doesn't it ☹️

I’m so sorry to see more of us needing to join here. Reading posts makes me reflect on how much the loss of a DParent hits us long passed the funeral, and also how difficult it can be to support your surviving parent. I’m timings my DM’s grief hard to handle whilst feeling so much sympathy for her, but also finding it hard to meet her needs along with that of my young children. Goodness only knows how I will cope when I’m back at work!

How are you all?

I just clicked on this thread - was on it last year. Read your post and wanted to reply.
For me, when I lost my mum, I think this element was the worst thing. That she wouldn't see my then 3 year old grow up, wouldn't meet future children, that their bond was gone, in an instant. I just want to say that it gets less hard to cope with, you think at key events how proud your parent would be etc, but the horror of it is not with you all the time. I just want you to know - it doesn't get better - it just gets more normal, as it were. It doesn't hurt in the same way now.
Hope all goes well with your DF's funeral. It is truly hideous to lose a dear parent.

I don't recall such an emphasis on " family" re Christmas. It's awful for those of us who struggle.

Thank you, this is really helpful to read. We have a lot of family birthdays and events between Nov-Jan that usually had my DF right in the middle of all the fun and action so I think trying to plan for those is also making me focus on it. In some ways I’m grateful it is soon as at least it gets the first one without him out the way quickly.

I hope your little one continues to grow up secure in the knowledge of your mum’s pride in them.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

My mum died in early May. It's been such an odd year. I felt I was doing ok but am having a bad few weeks. DHs friend's mum has been in hospital a while and just recently died and hearing about that has brought it all back up for me.

Also I just heard from the coroner yesterday that I can now register the death so I need to do that.

Lately I've been watching films snuggled under a wool blanket my mum used to use as a shawl. For some reason this evening I was struck by an image of my mum wearing it on our last day out together. It made my cry so much, wishing I could go back in time and have that day again. A photo of my Nana (long gone now) in the same location also came to mind.

I feel heavy with sadness and wish my time was over too, as life feels pointless now. I'm surprised to find myself feeling like this.

I’m 7 months now since my DF died suddenly and the grief waves have hit me very hard the last few days . I’m tired of listening to other peoples gripes and moans about nothing and also seem to have reached the stage where people are bored of my grief , I think mainly because I’m surrounded by people who still have both parents . It’s very hard to have to put on a semi normal face every day and pretend to care about work and whatnot.
I just wish we knew for sure we would see them again I’m not religious at all but if someone was to tell me we would definitely all be together again life wouldn’t be so hard . It’s the thought of putting all that love and care into someone only to find them dead on their couch I can’t get over this feeling at all .