For Anyone Needing Support After Losing a Parent. Very Supportive Thread (November 2023)

[Crunchymum]

I hope no-one minds me starting a new thread, the old one is almost full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/bereavement/4493231-For-Anyone-Needing-Support-After-Losing-a-Parent-Very-Supportive-Thread-March-2022?page=39&reply=130357515

As always lots of love and strength and support to you all xxx

Thank You The grief is like a non stop panic attack. I see something on the telly that i think Dad would be interested in and think Must tell him then i remember he isnt here any more

I spoke to a counsellor after my Dad died. It helped me to organise my thoughts a little bit.

I’m so sorry for your loss

Thank you. Sorry for your loss.

Hello all, joining this thread as I lost my dear Mum this morning. I am thinking of everyone who is going through this. Feels surreal at the moment and I almost feel hungover and tired even though I have slept and haven't drank for months.

Sorry for your loss @KylieKangaroo

I think our brains simply can't accept the finality at first.

You might find this helpful at some point. She doesn't try to minimise or downplay grief. I found it kind of comforting:

https://refugeingrief.com/grief-resources

Thank You so much @WristCandy

Thanks @JenniferBooth I'm sorry for your loss too 💚

Does anyone find the loss is just making them exhausted. I feel so tired and can't shake the exhaustion of thinking things over all the time.

Yes, and I think it's a really common reaction. Can you try to almost 'schedule' in some distractions, such as a film etc when you are consciously not thinking over things? Just to give your brain a break. 🫂

Thank you yes I am trying to do that but find I am easily distracted at the moment. I guess will all come in time.

Hello,
Can I join you please?
My DF died on Wednesday last week. He had been in hospital for a month, and looked like he was recovering but palliative care was started a week before he died. I stayed with him for the 30+ hours leading up to when he died and it was torturous for me. He was comfortable and settled but sounded awful due to the heart and lung condition that he died from.

I’m an only child, now trying to support my DM who has been suddenly widowed in her early 70s. We have a long road ahead of us I think. DM is very needy and I also need to juggle my two children. I feel like there is very little space for my own thoughts and emotions on this due to needing to support everyone else.

@KylieKangaroo, the exhaustion sounds very familiar. I hope you can find the space to get some rest.

@Earlydarkdays I'm really sorry for your loss. Even if you are expecting it to some degree the finality of it is what hits you the hardest. Do make sure you take some time for yourself, hard with young kids I know. I have found my children to be a good distraction but I know what you mean about supporting everyone else x

Can I join too please x I lost my beautiful mum in the summer and I've been trying to keep it together for my dad and family and be the organised and supportive one. Cracking under the pressure and wishing I didn't have to worry about everyone else and others would take it off me. Missing my darling mum and best friend so much .

@Audacity7 I'm really sorry for your loss. Sounds like you and your Mum were really close 🩷

Can I join too please.

We lost mum at the weekend. I feel terribly guilty as I'd not seen her for a week due to my illness (Covid).

We got a call from her neighbours as they were concerned that they'd not seen her for a few days. We went straight over and found that she'd died in her sleep.
The police who attended estimated that she had probably died three or four days previously.

I just feel so overwhelmed with grief, guilt and the fear of what's to come. I've never dealt with all the end of life admin before and I don't know where to begin.

I've not even told my 3DDs yet as they were with their dad at the weekend and I didn't want to spoil it for them.

I feel paralysed.

@Audacity7 I'm so sorry, I'm sending you all the strength and good wishes. I also lost my beloved, gorgeous mum in June after a very unexpected illness. She died 6 weeks after being diagnosed with a brain tumour. I'm struggling with trying to cope with it all too. Most days are okay but these past few days I feel scooped out again, unravelling. Trying to support my lovely dad is heartbreaking. Encouraging him to seek some professional support as I can't manage his grief as well as my own, then I feel guilty. We've become empty nesters recently too as DCs both at uni. It's been a lot! DH is wonderful but he's away visiting his DM who isn't in the best of health.
Hope you have the support you need. Take care.

@MozartsMothballs I'm really sorry for your loss, it is such a shock isn't it.. just try and get through each day and go easy on yourself x

Im so sorry to see others going through the same emotional pain. Its like having a panic attack when you realize you are never going to see them again or hear their voice again

Thank you. Told the girls this evening (12, 14 and 18). Obviously they were sad but we answered all their questions and lightened the mood with a film and pizza.

My father died suddenly in an accident ten days ago. My head is all over the place. He was not an easy person and my mum was not happy but stuck in there. Me and my siblings did not have a happy childhood but he was a great grandad and the grandchildren are really sad.
it is my first major bereavement. Last week there was so much to do with the funeral, this week I just feel exhausted. I am not sure if I feel sad or not. Or if the sadness is coming and it has not sunk in properly yet.
any advice would be welcome. Work have said to take this week off and I definitely do not have the bandwidth for work at present

@ipredictariot5 I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. You are probably still in shock and it brings so many emotions to the surface, even more complicated if you didn't have the best childhood.

I've found it helps by taking each day as it comes, and just trying to let the feelings sit for a bit. My grief comes in waves, it's been four months now and I'm very much steeped in sadness still. Just overwhelming sadness at losing mum so quickly and brutally. It comes in waves and when it does, I just batten down the hatches and wait til it passes. Which it does.
Most days are okay, I can function, work, see friends, exercise, do life admin etc, but some days I just feel scooped out and hollow. I'm learning not to rush things or try to force a resolution.

Can I join mum died unexpectedly in May, it's just approaching 6 months .I feel like I have gone to pieces everything can just chuff off Back to crying unexpectedly. Relationship with spouse in the gutter, Christmas approaching, adult dc with relationship breakdown want to run away really. Stared some counselling don't know if that's helping.Sad and lost again, it's shit.

@roosterroo I'm really sorry for your loss. This time of year is all about family so just makes it even harder doesn't it.

Feels like I'm in a bit of a fog at the moment.