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Widows, Widowers And Everyone Welcome
123

CommonPersonLikeMe · 04/01/2022 17:54

Hi all,
As promised a shiny new thread to talk freely without judgement.

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Oneforthemoneytwo · 04/01/2022 17:58

Great idea. I will join. Good to have a safe space as I’m fed up of reading comments from people who have never walked in our shoes

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CommonPersonLikeMe · 04/01/2022 18:01

Me too Oneforthemoneytwo

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CommonPersonLikeMe · 04/01/2022 18:06

I think that people are well meaning and like to think that they know what you are going through but obviously they have no idea. Your world becomes a different place overnight and the loneliness is indescribable. Even when i am in a room full of people I can feel lonely because the one person you need to be there isnt

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BlazingFlames · 04/01/2022 18:21

Thanks for this. Coronavirus has made my sense of isolation even worse. I can’t imagine being happy again. I try and count my blessings (the kids) but some days I just struggle.

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CthulhuInDisguise · 04/01/2022 19:10

Can I join in too? I have found a lot of judgement on MN for my new relationship, because everyone said I am going too fast, but all I wanted was advice on how to stop being obsessed with WhatsApp if he was working and didn't text me immediately Grin

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Colinthedaxi · 04/01/2022 19:35

Joining too please, nearly six years for me when I was 39. Get married this year, eeek!!

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PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2022 19:40

Hello Smile

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Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 04/01/2022 19:48

Also joining if that's ok? 10 years down the line now

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BlazingFlames · 04/01/2022 20:00

@CthulhuInDisguise

I wish you all the very best in your relationship - entirely up to you - no one else’s business. I hope you have friends IRL who behave better than that and are happy to see you happy.

X

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CthulhuInDisguise · 04/01/2022 20:04

[quote BlazingFlames]@CthulhuInDisguise

I wish you all the very best in your relationship - entirely up to you - no one else’s business. I hope you have friends IRL who behave better than that and are happy to see you happy.

X[/quote]
Thanks. I only met him in person last week but already we both feel as though we've known each other forever. I can see a tentative future with him, and I think I'm falling in love with him. It's been nearly 3 years since DH died.

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onedayoranother · 04/01/2022 20:35

12 years for me. My kids were very young then but I wasn't - I didn't marry until I was 40.
I get 'isn't it time you got out there dating', as if there are men lining up! Emotionally I was ready after a couple years, but it just hasn't happened and I'm not actively looking. I'm pretty content on my own and I still have a child in school.
I miss my husband a lot, but do not miss having a man in my life. I think my son in particular has been affected greatly affected by not having a strong role model. I wish things were different, but they aren't.
It's interesting talking with friends about their marriages. All 25 years plus, and one has just separated after 36 years! A different kjnd of loss, filled with anger.

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Djwil · 04/01/2022 21:41

Signing in. 6.5 years for me. 2 kiddies. New relationship 1.5 years later, which I didn't expect, but it's worked out so well. Getting married in the next year or so.

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Chasingsquirrels · 04/01/2022 21:46

@Colinthedaxi

Joining too please, nearly six years for me when I was 39. Get married this year, eeek!!

Congratulations!

My DH died nearly 5 years ago, my 2 children weren't his but he'd been a significant part of their lives.

I started a new relationship just over a year later, which is still going strong.
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Chasingsquirrels · 04/01/2022 21:46

I misread that as getting married this week! Lol
Congratulations anyway 🙂

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notapizzaeater · 04/01/2022 22:18

Can I join ? It's just coming up to the one year anniversary of my DH death.

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Plump50 · 04/01/2022 23:28

This thread is a great idea, thanks **CommonPersonLikeMe.

My DH died suddenly just over a year ago. Married 20 years with 3 DC.

I'm so glad to be through the total awfulness of the first year. I'm starting to look towards the future and really interested and encouraged to hear fellow mumsnetters tales of finding love again. Personally I'm not ready to look for a new relationship yet but a date in the next year or so might be nice Smile.

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PermanentTemporary · 04/01/2022 23:37

I started seeing a man for proper dating just over a year ago, almost three years after my husband died. I went into grief counselling and then psychotherapy for over two years and that gave me safety. I don't know how I would be without it. OK, maybe? I was lucky to have it.

Almost four years now. It seems like forever and no time at all.

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Chasingsquirrels · 04/01/2022 23:56

It seems like forever and no time at all.

Definitely!

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echt · 05/01/2022 03:29

Thank you for starting this thread, CommonPersonLikeMe, great username by the way.

I'm on this board a lot, I hope being supportive of those in grief, but it's different to have one's own thread.

👍

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Willowkins · 05/01/2022 03:47

This is so cool. Coming up to 3 years for me.

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MiddleAgedLurker · 05/01/2022 07:36

4.5 years for me. Two young adult children and a newish partner. I think of it as plan B

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NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 05/01/2022 07:54

13 years ago for me, we were both mid 30s and I had two baby dc.

Now re-married with 2 more dc. Met now DH a year after and married him 3 years after DH1's death.

I miss DH1 but I'm not overwhelmed with grief, I'm happy and calm.

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OnwardsAndSideways1 · 05/01/2022 08:33

My husband died two years ago, after a long terminal illness. So I knew it was coming, it wasn't the shock that some of you have had which might throw up different things, I don't know. Those last couple of years were horrendous, and I think it's taken me at least 18 months before I can even start to think about him properly, rather than the trauma of the last days. Such a shame as he was a lovely man, and it doesn't do him justice to remember only that.

I'm also starting to date, but extremely slowly, haven't manged even a hand hold yet!

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Colinthedaxi · 05/01/2022 15:02

If it’s ok I thought maybe we could talk about some of the common themes that come up on widowed threads, so that anyone finding this post later had information to hand?

I was going to start with Widowed and Young (WAY) Which is a charity that supports anyone widowed under the age of fifty. It is a group I recommend to others with the caveat it isn’t for everyone. You do pay an annual fee (£25 I think) which includes access to a helpline including legal advice.

I was in WAY for several years, made one really good friend and many others I will always remember fondly. My current job came through a WAY contact too. Had a fabulous holiday with a group of WAYWOKS (widowed and young without kids)

Busy active FB groups and a mix of people so you are likely to find someone that gets your experience. As with anything though you do need to be aware, not everyone is lovely, there will be opportunists and on very very rare occasions there has been particularly unpleasant people in the group potentially preying on the vulnerable.

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CthulhuInDisguise · 05/01/2022 17:32

My earlier optimism has been shattered. I've been dumped. It feels more of a loss than losing my DH in a way, because I had forgotten how hard ending a relationship whilst both people are still living is. And I adore the new guy. But he is finding it difficult being in a relationship (I'm probably too intense) and he realised it isn't fair on either of us. I mean, it's not exactly fair him dumping me.

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