DP has died. Don't know what to do.

[LlamaGiles]

My beloved DP died last night after routine surgery. A total shock. We have a 2 year old. We had plans for a second child, a bigger house and marriage and my future all evaporated in an instant. I don't know how to carry on alone. I'm in bits.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I am so sorry to raise practicalities when you are still in shock, Llama, but if you are dealing with the bereavement office make sure you get at least 6 certificates, not just one. You will have to send originals to several places and it is much more expensive to order them separately than if you get several from the hospital.
Many of us here have been through the sudden loss of a loved one, so please know you can ask anything at all on here and we will help.

I'm so sorry this has happened Llama

Llama spend more time with him if you need to. As much as you need. Perhaps take your little one to see him too. His worn clothing might be comforting and give you something to hold onto and smell. Cry as much as you need to, cry together, tears can be very healing xx

What a terrible shock for you. Just awful and I am so sorry.

I agree with the poster who talked about minutes and hours rather than thinking beyond that. Your feelings now are going to be all over the place and you're almost not grieving properly yet (if that makes sense) this is the bit before where it's all just so surreal and unpredictable. Think about what you can cope with from minute to minute and hour to hour - and no longer.

Do I want to cry?
Do I want to talk to someone?
Could I drink some tea?
Do I want to look at photos/go for a walk/sleep/scream?

Try and fulfil your most basic needs and no more than that. Your lovely DD will not remember how 'present' or 'absent' you were mentally during the next few days. Don't ask too much of yourself you poor poor love.

@endofagain thank you, someone irl also gave me that advice but apparently in covid times they now email them anyway? At least I think that's what she said.

My sister has taken dd out so I'm on my own until bil arrives in a couple of hours. It's unbearable.

Go to bed and have a bloody good cry. Or try to sleep if you don't want to cry right now. Or at least lie down and rest physically if you can't do either of those.

I'm so very sorry.

I am so sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dp died suddenly 16 months ago. Our kids were 2 & 6. Its just devastating. Try not to think too far ahead. Easier said than done I know. Try to get some rest if you can. Take all the help you can get. Thinking of you and sending you solidarity and strength💔

Again, I am sorry to dwell on practicalities, but it is so hard to think straight when you are in shock.
Find a notebook and a pen.
When you speak to the bereavement office, make a note of what they tell you, don't be afraid to ask them to repeat things.
Your notebook will help you to remember what you need to do.
Having something to refer to helps you to feel a bit more in control.
Ask people to help, they can do practical things like getting some shopping, preparing meals, do a bit of washing.

I am so sorry to read this. Your pain is obvious and you must feel utterly heartbroken. Remind yourself that you are doing your best and that’s all that you can do. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Let anyone who offers pick up the slack and help you out.

And although you won’t be feeling like it at all, make sure you’re eating and drinking even if it’s a bit of toast and a cup of tea. x

I'm so sorry, it sounds unbearable. There is no rulebook to grief and loss, just try to eat and drink and sleep and keep your body running and lean on other people

Thanks everyone. Thank you @endofagain it's actually really useful, I'm in no position to think straight. I've just messaged a few people to ask them to pop in over the weekend as I feel like I need company at the moment.

@CCC2 sorry for your loss too. I never could have comprehended before today the magnitude of the impact it could have.

So very sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry reading this

So so sorry

Im so sorry OP

When I lost someone close to me, I found it helpful to set a timer for 2 mins and just remember happy memories of them for those minutes. I didnt let myself remember the reality of loss. It was like a little holiday from the pain. To start with I was doing it every hour, then as time moved on it got less frequent. I now spend 10 mins on Sunday mornings remembering as a kind of meditation.

He absolutely adored being a dad. I'm broken hearted that my little girl won't grow up with him.

Just on a practical note I found it really helpful to have a notebook nearby to write things down as I couldn't retain any information. I still do it now. xx

Oh I am so very sorry - what a terrible shock. Accept any offers of help and support, and please look after yourself. Hugs &

So sorry OP.

I am so, so sorry. What an awful shock. Thinking of you and your little girl

I'm so sorry. You should spend your time just feeling whatever you need to feel. Be selfish right now; you dont need to provide support to other family members or friends. This is your time to be whatever you need to be.

Your daughter will grow up with you and your memories of him. She'll have him there in everything you two do together. And you'll have him there too.

You do whatever you need to do right now to just feel. Do you want to talk through what happened? If you do, then find someone who will listen without making it about them.

Op I'm so so sorry.

I can't even begin to imagine what must be going through your mind.

I am so sorry,cannot imagine where your poor brain is . Literally only think an hour ahead. Main priority is your 2 year old and that she is clean ,fed and occupied. If someone can take over with those practicalities you can look after yourself ie cry ,shout ,eat ,drink etc . It is Friday so you will have the weekend to start getting your head around the sadness and enormity of this desperate situation before having to start sorting out arrangements. Let your family and good friends take over and care for you . Am so so sorry 💐😢X

I'm so so sorry