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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Ds1 15 killed himself.

235 replies

Makinglists · 15/07/2021 10:06

Ds1 who was 15 killed himself. He spent a week in hospital but the damage was too great and he died on 11 July.
We are still near the hospital sorting things out (he was in a childrens unit away from home). The feelings are overwhelming, I can't think of returning to the house where I found him. We have another child who is 10 and he is with friends.
There were no signs he would so this - he was stressed about Gcses and recently lost his grandfather but he seemed to be handling it. His emotions seemed normal for a 15 year old.
Awful though it is I wondered if there are others this has happened to and can share their story so we feel less alone.
We are broken.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 15/07/2021 12:27

I am so very sorry. I hardly know what to say. I can barely imagine your pain.

I hope you have plenty of family and friends around you for support right now.

ChaToilLeam · 15/07/2021 12:28

I am so, so sorry, @Makinglists. 💐

Tisforptarmigan · 15/07/2021 12:29

I am so sorry for your loss. Last summer my 17 year old son attempted suicide. I still have no idea why, he will not talk about it. It was a total shock, I just thought he was fed up with lockdowns and isolation. Try not to think that it was your fault in anyway, teenage boys seem to bottle things up.

Sending much love at this unimaginable painful time. Flowers

GreenLeafTurnip · 15/07/2021 12:33

I'm so sorry for what you are going through now OP. You and your family are in my thoughts.

80sPadme · 15/07/2021 12:34

I'm sorry for you loss, I hope you have a good support network.
It hasn't happens directly to me but a friend of mine had a 19 year old son, away at uni, no signs of withdrawing/anxiety/depression. He was achieving good grades at uni, had a good social life, lots of friends.
His dorm mates found him after he took his own life about 4 years ago. They had no idea he was suicidal, nor his family member, nor his long term girlfriend.
It was a huge shock to our community.
His mother is still horrified from seeing him i the mortuary and two of the room mates that found him now have PTSD from the shock.
Please use any of the support services offered to you and take as much time as you need for you and your 10 year old.

bilbodog · 15/07/2021 12:38

So sorry to hear this 💐💐

Panicmode1 · 15/07/2021 12:40

I am so very very sorry for your loss.

Sending love and strength to you and your family.

WhatMattersMost · 15/07/2021 12:40

@Makinglists - You and your family are in my thoughts and heart. I hope you are getting every bit of support you want and need.

MichelleScarn · 15/07/2021 12:46

I am so sorry @Makinglists, there will always be someone about on MN even in the wee hours to hand hold for you.
For your younger child, Winstons Wish also offer bereavement support for children who have lost a loved one through suicide.

Sending you all love

yourestandingonmyneck · 15/07/2021 12:48

I am so, so terribly sorry. Thanks

cakeandchampagne · 15/07/2021 12:48

Flowers I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.

Geordieoldgirl · 15/07/2021 12:50

I am so sorry for your terrible loss.

CarryOnNurse20 · 15/07/2021 12:51

I’m so sorry OP. No words just love Flowers

Charley50 · 15/07/2021 12:53

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sibling to suicide. It is a devastating event and type of grief. I don't know what to say but take things day by day, and use any support offered and mentioned. ❤️

almahart · 15/07/2021 12:54

So very sorry. Thanks

coodawoodashooda · 15/07/2021 12:55

I am so sorry for your devastating loss.

EspressoDoubleShot · 15/07/2021 12:56

Also, I want to acknowledge that other posters have experienced death of a young person too.

saraclara · 15/07/2021 12:56

I'm so desperately sorry. This has to be just about the worst thing that a parent could have to endure.
Please reach out to the organisations that have been recommended, if you can find the strength. And let those friends who will want to support you (and can) do so.

bringincrazyback · 15/07/2021 12:59

So sorry for your loss OP. I can't even imagine. Flowers

saraclara · 15/07/2021 12:59

For your younger child, Winstons Wish also offer bereavement support for children who have lost a loved one through suicide.

I'm quoting this to bold it. Because your ten year old is really going to need this. I don't know if he was with you when you found your eldest, OP, but either way, he is going to need a professional shoulder as well as your own.

Anonapapple · 15/07/2021 13:02

I'm crying for you, OP. Just terrible. I cannot imagine your pain.

MrsCremuel · 15/07/2021 13:03

I’m so sorry OP. I remember those dark early days well when we were overwhelmed with the horror of it all and the dreadful numbing shock.

My brother took his life when he was 19, 11 years ago now. Like you we had no clue he was in distress. We were, and remain, a very close family so we were devastated he couldn’t tell us he was feeling this way. We would have done anything to help. There were no signs, there was no note. He was just suddenly gone. As a mother now I can tap into a fresh stream of pain and understanding. As a sister I was devastated still as he was my best friend and the person I loved the most. I only say this because I found it so isolating at first, like suicide is this big dark secret club you never wanted to be a part of but was there all along. Those early days were a sort of madness of grief and confusion so do what you need to do to get through them.

The only thing I can say is that although the pain never goes away, things do change and dare I say, get better.

Someone once described it to me as if your life is a circle and when suicide happens the circle fills up with this black dot and there’s nothing else you can think about. But your life circle keeps growing and although the black dot doesn’t get smaller, the circle around it gets bigger and your life fills up with more things and so that dot no longer becomes your entire existence. I’ve found this to be true, so even though you are in a terrible place right now and he won’t come back, it won’t be like this forever. And that’s ok - you won’t love or miss him any less but things do get better.

MrsCremuel · 15/07/2021 13:05

I would also second SOBs as a great resource where you can talk candidly about your experiences with people who understand. Cruz bereavement were very helpful for one on one counselling too.

All of you take care, I’m so dreadfully sorry.x

BountyIsUnderrated · 15/07/2021 13:21

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Depression can be unpredictable, I have struggled through it all my life and in my teenage years when I was in school had a hard time with it.
I remember one night I took my mums sleeping tablets and overdosed. I was feeling regret soon after (even though I still was upset at the time) so I went downstairs and told her.
I will never forget the look on her face and the feeling of sadness and pain on that day.
Luckily I just was very ill and sick, it was not enough to cause serious damage. She stayed with me for 2 weeks off work and it helped me realise how much the people around me would suffer if I left.

There was no way you could have known how DS was feeling. Unfortunately teenagers can be very good at keeping things bottled up inside. Flowers

Tangledtresses · 15/07/2021 13:36

So sorry for the loss of your lovely son, I also have a 16 yr old son

heartbreaking xx