For Anyone Needing Support After Losing A Parent. Very Supportive Thread

[Mummylin]

Luckily I was keeping my eye on the thread so it would of been ok. Hopefully this new thread will once again bring comfort to newly bereaved.
To the newest posters, I wish you all the best in the coming weeks / months.
And to the longer term posters, thankyou for being such a support to each other. 💐

@Cathced and @BeautyGoesToBenidorm I’m so sorry you find yourselves here and for your losses. What horrible and cruel diseases they are. You’ll get a lot of support here so do post whenever you need to

@Cathced and @BeautyGoesToBenidorm - I’ve found the first couple of weeks incredibly tough, don’t make yourself do anything. For the first time in my life I have said to myself “nothing else matters” - I’ve cancelled stuff, told people I’m not around and ignored pretty much everything else. Take care, let yourselves grieve whenever and however you want and remember you’re not alone. People here have been very kind.

Thank you everyone 🤍🤍 I just keep getting this awful pang of sadness. It comes over me all of a sudden. I have some of my Dad's stuff here from the hospital. A few clothes and his mobile phone. I keep looking, feeling and touching them. I know my Dad was ready to go. He had given up. He couldn't cope with all the new symptoms of the MND that were happening to his poor body. I used to phone him when I woke up then early afternoon. I'm finding that really hard!xx

@Cathced so sorry to hear of your loss.
I find it hard to maintain focus on the thread. It's been so hard lately. My mum died in June very suddenly - a split in an artery in her heart.
I would say my grief is like a thunderstorm that is coming and going. When it booms it's thunder I really can't breathe almost. She was basically my soul mate, the person who cared most about the little things in my life.
I loved her so much. Nobody will ever care about me that much, and I know that from how much I love my two children.
The pain of knowing they will forget her (they are very young) is just too much sometimes.
I send all of you my best thoughts as we go through this horrific time.

@Cathced and @BeautyGoesToBenidorm am sorry that you both find yourself here and condolences on your loss. This really is just the beginning for you both. Am 6 months in after loosing my mum after a sudden illness and an 11 day fight for her life in hospital. I was with her for 9 whole days and after reading a lot of other people's situations on here I know that in a way I was very fortunate to have been allowed in by the hospital staff. I really didn't give them much choice I just kept showing up on the ward they must have sensed the desperation.

6 months on for me am upset a lot less now just carrying a weight of sadness around with me and disbelief at what has happened. You will find great support here with people who 100% get what you are going through.

@kittlesticks I to am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Mother and how sudden it was.

I totally agree with you I loved my Dad so, so much and I know he loved me so much to.
And the thunderstorm analogy is so true.
Luckily my children are older 17, 15 and 9 year old twins and they did get to say goodbye to my Dad. My Dad was unresponsive at this point mind.
Much love to you and your family 💕💕

[quote Ttc42nearly43]**@Cathced* and @BeautyGoesToBenidorm* am sorry that you both find yourself here and condolences on your loss. This really is just the beginning for you both. Am 6 months in after loosing my mum after a sudden illness and an 11 day fight for her life in hospital. I was with her for 9 whole days and after reading a lot of other people's situations on here I know that in a way I was very fortunate to have been allowed in by the hospital staff. I really didn't give them much choice I just kept showing up on the ward they must have sensed the desperation.

6 months on for me am upset a lot less now just carrying a weight of sadness around with me and disbelief at what has happened. You will find great support here with people who 100% get what you are going through.[/quote]
I'm so glad for you that you were allowed that time. I hope it brought you at least some comfort. Sadly I was there everyday too but was not allowed in. Fortunately my mum thought we were there at the end (not that anyone knew it was the end) and I think it's important to remember that that's what counts. Like we loved them didn't we. That's why we are on this thread. So that's enough.

I know I've posted this before but is anyone else struggling to believe what has happened that they are gone forever. I just listened to my mum's answering machine message on her mobile as I really needed to hear her voice. It's totally set me off I can't get my head around the fact that I'll never see or speak to her again I keep thinking if her under the ground at the cemetery it's just awful

@Ttc42nearly43 me too. I'm sorry for how your feeling. My dad isn't anywhere anymore. (His wishes, ashes scattered). How is it possible?

I've been getting some things from not on the high street to make a little home memory spot for lighting a candle and being "with" dad.

I'm sorry

@Ttc42nearly43

I know I've posted this before but is anyone else struggling to believe what has happened that they are gone forever. I just listened to my mum's answering machine message on her mobile as I really needed to hear her voice. It's totally set me off I can't get my head around the fact that I'll never see or speak to her again I keep thinking if her under the ground at the cemetery it's just awful

I can't either, @Ttc42nearly43. It's been 7 weeks since my mum died out of the blue, without warning and almost instantly. I'm very much in denial, it's very easy to tricky myself into thinking she's just at home or work doing her thing. Although, when I turned 40 two days after the funeral a couple of weeks ago I couldn't think about it at all. It just seems completely inconceivable that it's happened without any warning or even illness. I'm still reeling. Not sure if I'll ever believe it or take it in.

My mum isn't "anywhere" either - at her own request. Coming up to the year of losing her and the pain, sorrow, sadness and disbelief of the early days has reared its ugly head again.

To those in the very early stages, it does get "easier" and more manageable. You even manage to have moments of positivity and fun but you always come back to the loss. I think that's how grief works. It's an utter bastard!!!

@bangwhistle

I know how you feel it's easy to think that they are still alive sometimes the mind plays tricks on you doesn't it and got a moment you let yourself believe that this was all just a horrible nightmare and they are still alive.

@Chotuladoo

That sounds like a lovely idea for your dad. Some people have said to me that I should still talk to my mum. I do when am at the cemetery but no where else it just feels strange for me.

@Crunchymum

I never had that conversation with my mum about her wishes at 66 years old I never knew my mum would die so young. I wish I did asked her tho I don't know what she wanted. I just thought that she'd want whatever brought her family some if any comfort. I used to go every day for weeks but I couldn't keep that up when I went back to work full time as mum was laid to rest in the local cemetery where she brought me up and I have moved from there not far just about 7 miles. I now go once a week to take mum fresh flowers am the only one who goes regularly. Sometimes I wonder if burying mum was the best thing to do as the thought of her there is just so painful and it haunts my mind a lot. I don't know I had no clue what to do when my mum died with the arrangements. The only thing am sure of is that when I go I want to be buried next to my mum. When I go to the cemetery I look at her name on the plaque and it's like looking at someone else's name it's such a surreal feeling. I didn't want her completely gone but then even though mum is buried I know that I will never get her back and can never see her again.

It was only that my mum had mentioned a few things in passing @Ttc42nearly43 but she had quite a strong view on not wanting us "traipsing" somewhere to see her on special occasions etc.

My mum was only 65 and it was sudden.

I completely understand the 'wondering' as there were no plans in place per se but I'm sure you've done your mum proud. It just goes goes show how ambiguous and doubtful this whole death thing is? I'm sad as I have no place to see mum and you sometimes wonder if you made the right choice by having a very tangible place to go?

The idea of you being buried beside her must be very comforting but of course I hope this is not for many, many, many years.

I believe I'll find mum again when I go. My body will dissipate but my "soul" will find hers waiting beside a perfectly formed rainbow or under the clouds of an electric thunderstorm or the shining in the starlight of a cloudless night.

I have found myself very spiritually drawn to nature since mum died. She wasn't overtly into all things nature but she was definitely an advocate of natural health care and being in tune with ones body and surroundings.

I find seeing certain things (like rainbows or the full moon or Venus shining bright in the deepest of night) give me huge comfort and make me feel close to her. Even little things like rubbing lavender between my fingers, has the same effect.

She is never far away when I see the beauty in what is around.

@Crunchymum

This is so lovely how you stay connected to your mum. I see my mum when I look in the mirror every day as we have the exact same eyes. Keep seeing the beauty in life it sounds like this would be what your mum would want for you ♥️

@Ttc42nearly43 completely know what you mean by looking at the name plaque it's just shocking to the core I've only been twice then feel guilty for that as it's local but I know for a fact she wouldn't want me weeping beside a grave. I went to a wedding yesterday on my own 40+ miles away and for the first 20 miles tears just streamed down my face I very rarely get time to myself without the baby (not a complaint just painting the picture) so rare moments alone knock me for six it was such an emotional day as the grooms MIL has termina cancer I've known her since I was a child I cried so much all day I feel exhausted today

I feel incapable of reading posts at the moment properly. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that we are all going through this. I've recently felt weirdly stronger in the last couple of days and I am frightening myself worried I'm going to have a breakdown because I'm shielding myself from the grief.
The thing is, I loved my mum so much and she loved me. She would WANT me to be enjoying time with my children. Wouldn't she?
I see white butterflies everywhere. There are always two dancing in our back garden and today there was one at the park when I met up with my Dad. There was even one fluttering outside a big building I had to go to in London last week. A few days ago I was losing it (just stuck in a proper grief wave) sobbing in the garden and one of the kids shouted so I got up, and a white butterfly had been on my shoulder and flew away.
I'm not really into signs and signals but I do sometimes wonder if the universe is also sad that I've lost suddenly and instantly someone so fundamental to my life.

I have felt similar over a few days this week kittlesticks and then panicked that I'm covering up my grief or something. But I'm just trying to accept how I feel in each moment and let that be, rather than applying extra worry about things. Easier said than done!
I like the thought that the universe is sad too. That's really comforting.

My mums funeral is tomorrow and I'm bringing my daughter to it. Wonder how that will go!

Wishing you well for tomorrow Kitkatchunkyplease sending you lots of strength.

I love the idea that the universe is speaking to you kittlesticks I find that seeing natural beauty soothes. It always brings me back to mum but not in a sad way.

I'm having a wobbly few days. The anniversary is inching forward and I just want it done.

How can a date on the calendar do this to me?

I have the 14th to get through first. It's my DC3 first day of preschool (which is a good milestone but something I want so very much to share with mum, DC3 is disabled and we never knew if this day would come) the 14th is also a year since we had to get our beloved 12yo cat PTS as she was very poorly. Mum was so kind and sympathetic and helpful that day, little did I know a week later she would drop dead herself?

I watched "A Star Is Born" for the first time last night - what an amazing and utterly heartbreaking film - I sobbed most of the way through (to be honest its been a really tearful weekend and I've been in tears for most of it)

@Kitkatchunkyplease big hugs and strength t you for tomorrow how old is your daughter ?

@Crunchymum I don't know how a date can be so poignant but they just are the reality is you won't be any sadder than the day before or the day after but I think the actual date you just play it all over again in your mind minute by minute.

@kittlesticks I think we are quite similar, we have young children and lost our mums so fast and unexpected it's rocked our worlds forever I don't have any words of wisdom but I am sure I feel a very similar way to you not that it's any consolation but I truly feel your pain. They weren't just mums they were best friends too for many of us the magnitude of this I don't think will ever really sink in. For me it's everything that's happened since too I just cannot fathom that my dad has moved another woman in I cannot believe this is happening and he thinks it's ok

@Kitkatchunkyplease

Sending you strength for tomorrow. My daughter came to her granny's funeral she was insistent. My husband was against it but after speaking to themin

[quote mrssunshinexxx]@Kitkatchunkyplease big hugs and strength t you for tomorrow how old is your daughter ?

@Crunchymum I don't know how a date can be so poignant but they just are the reality is you won't be any sadder than the day before or the day after but I think the actual date you just play it all over again in your mind minute by minute.

@kittlesticks I think we are quite similar, we have young children and lost our mums so fast and unexpected it's rocked our worlds forever I don't have any words of wisdom but I am sure I feel a very similar way to you not that it's any consolation but I truly feel your pain. They weren't just mums they were best friends too for many of us the magnitude of this I don't think will ever really sink in. For me it's everything that's happened since too I just cannot fathom that my dad has moved another woman in I cannot believe this is happening and he thinks it's ok[/quote]
She is just over 3. I'm hoping she is glad she came. She is so close to my mum and of course she doesn't understand, and she won't remember mum but I hope when she is older she is glad that she came.

I lost my mum very suddenly too. I am sorry for you that things are hard with your dad meeting someone new. It's quite common isn't it for men to do that, and it cant be easy for you at all ❤️

Sorry something happened to my phone there and it sent my post incompleted. I was saying that afternoon speaking to the minister what he said really hit home that my daughter (she's 7) had as much right to be there as anyone else. My daughter was so strong she clung to me through the whole service and at the grave side. I was an absolute mess. You will get through it it will be hard but it's just something that you need to do just be present and cry as hard as you need to. I found it all very unreal even looking back now I couldn't believe that my mum was in the coffin in front of me. We will all be thinking about you tomorrow. All of us united in this horrible journey that we are all on every one of us are all struggling to cope with what has happened.

@kitcatchunkyplease - wishing you strength and peace for your mum’s funeral and I think having your daughter with you will be the right thing for both of you.

I’m dreading this week, it’s my mum’s funeral on Thursday and I’m really not looking forward to the service at all. I think it’s partly because it makes the whole thing properly real, like the turning of the last page and closing the book. It’s almost 3 weeks since she died and I’m still reliving the last few moments, yet in some ways it feels like a lifetime ago.

I thought it was like closing a book too. But I'm trying to rethink it that the chapter has ended but another one starts. I am so much of my mum and the way she raised me. So in some way she still lives on and the story doesn't end. It isn't anywhere near the same, but her impact continues and that brings less of a finality for me. Thinking of you.