My mum is dying of COVID, I am destroyed

[Bereftmypoormum]

My darling mum is only 70 and was in good health. She caught the virus in December and has been hospitalised for 5 weeks. She needed pressurised oxygen at the beginning but was then stepped down and they were preparing for discharge in the new year. At that time she still had a lot of COVID lung damage. She then got a secondary bacterial pneumonia and has been ventilated for a few days. She’s not responding, now other organs are failing and it is likely they will withdraw treatment today.

I feel so unbearably sad for her. To have this happen, to be without us all these weeks as we weren’t allowed to visit on the COVID ward. To be getting ready to go home then another week of slow deterioration and then a sepsis. And now she’s going to die.

I saw her the last few days, she’s starting to look like she’s dying, it’s like torture.

Poor teen DD is terribly upset, mum was like a third parent to her. We were so close, I keep seeing mum in her house, or walking around the town with me, our favourite coffee shops, and then think I’ll never be able to do any of that with her again. She was the person I’d call with good or bad news, my true friend. DH and DD are wonderful but how will I cope without her?

@Sssloou

Thank you for your kind words.

I just feel lost. I wish I could live in another world right now and escape anything and everything related to covid.

Going forwards will be a challenge indeed.

I’m so sorry sisterlove and mamazee and to all who tread this path.

I’ve no real words to say to you as I haven’t walked in your shoes. I live in fear of it though.

I hope you find peace and find it within yourself, when you are ready, to remember with a smile instead of tears.

Their love will carry you forward always. Sending love and the hope of brighter days. 🌻

Thank you for your kindest words. They are so greatly appreciated xx

I feel the same as you. And now the silly jokes or humour to all lift our spirits are now lost on me. It feels like the world is a scary place right now. Sending you love x

@Sisterlove haunted is exactly it. It’s like a traumatic reminder everywhere. I am sending you lots and lots of love. ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum on the 15th of this month after a month in ICU. I'm just heartbroken. She was 63 and it just all feels so heartbreaking. I also lost my Dad last November and can't believe they have both gone.
My Mum was die to retire this May, just so sad.
I read that we are now a member of a club that no one wants to be a member of but you only understand the pain of losing your Mum once you've lost her.

@terraclutter that is so shocking. It’s another layer of pain in loneliness when you lose your second parent - but to have had those losses so close together and your parents so young is cruel and must be intolerable for you. I am so sorry. You have it as hard as it can be. Pace yourself and rest as much as you can.

This poem by Carol Ann Duffy resonated with me. It is a story told backwards - rewinding back from the stuck horror images of hospitals and illness to a moment in time when that precious mother - daughter bond was just a simple part of everyday life.

www.theguardian.com/books/2009/may/02/premonitions-carol-ann-duffy

terraclutter

I don’t know your pain. I know I’ll have to one day and I know it is coming towards me quicker than I’d like.

My mam is always described as a lady. By everyone. Gentle, kind, stoic. Not one for huge displays of emotion.

The only time I have ever seen her really cry is when my gran died.

I’d come home on compassionate leave and she sat on the end of my bed and wept.

I’ve never forgotten the pain in her eyes when she turned round and said ‘I don’t have a mum any more’

I don’t know your pain but I’ve seen it and I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your pain and anguish are so familiar to me - I lost my darling mum to covid on Christmas Day. She was 73 and went downhill so quickly. I am still in disbelief that it took her life and also took her death from us. I still can’t believe it.
Much love to all.

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell
Your post made me sob 💔
I remember my mum the same the only time I've seen her properly cry and now I've lost mine
Life is shitty and cruel and always takes the ones it shouldn't

@mrssunshinexxx

I’m so sorry for making you cry and I’m sorry you are now feeling that pain.

I’m losing my mam a little every day. More forgetful. More puzzled. Nothing dreadfully drastic yet but I see the road we’re on with hideous clarity.

But she is still here and I’m so lucky for that. For the day she goes, I will have to parcel it as I will have other caring to do.

My heart physically aches at the mere thought. I can’t imagine how it will actually be.

My heart breaks for you and everyone else here. With the restrictions now it just makes it even more cruel - if that is even possible.

Sending light and love and strength. 🌻 x

Thank you @SheldonesqueIsUnwell and to you, a very difficult path to cross for you as well life is very cruel x

Thank you for all the support and kind words, and I’m so sorry for those of you who have gone through or going through similar experiences.

I had to step away for a bit, partly busy with all the practicalities and partly overwhelming grief. Having a bad day today, sorting out her house and looking through photos for the funeral. Seeing her dear face that I’ll never see again and being in the house that she couldn’t go back to. It’s all so painful and hard.