It truly is the most horrific thing to go through, especially when you are best friends as well as mother and daughter.
If you feel the care lacked, use the hospital CAHMS service, do not regret not doing anything, even if it's just a slight niggle or you just want things clarifying. It will help you in the coming months, knowing you did it. I did this as I felt like I should have done more and they definitely should have (I absolutely couldn't have) but I'm glad I went through the process as they did explain a lot and I got to raise and lodge my complaint and be heard.
It's coming up for 3 years when I said bye to my mum unexpectedly, on the day she passed I was making provision for her to return home from the hospital, then I got the phone call to go in, (I teared up reading your post ) it was a so awful putting my 5 month old son in the car knowing where we were going.
Things do become bearable, you will cope without her because you have to for your daughter, and then it just becomes tiny bit, by tiny bit a little more bearable. I used to feel guilty as I hated peoples walking around shopping with their mums, laughing, how dare they when mines not here, I looked at Nans taking their grandkids to the park and thinking, why the hell are they still here and my son will never remember his amazing Nana, I'm not going to lie I still do sometimes.
You will remember the good times, do you have any photos or videos of you all? I find it helps looking at photos.
I honestly would not wish the experience on my worst enemy, you will get through this, you will feel ok again and you will learn to live with the pain of the loss.
Don't hold it in, let it all out, scream in the garden, cry in the bath or the car, but let it out, I get really angry if I haven't let it out for a while and tried to do the staying strong thing, so cry and do what you need.
