My mum is dying of COVID, I am destroyed

[Bereftmypoormum]

My darling mum is only 70 and was in good health. She caught the virus in December and has been hospitalised for 5 weeks. She needed pressurised oxygen at the beginning but was then stepped down and they were preparing for discharge in the new year. At that time she still had a lot of COVID lung damage. She then got a secondary bacterial pneumonia and has been ventilated for a few days. She’s not responding, now other organs are failing and it is likely they will withdraw treatment today.

I feel so unbearably sad for her. To have this happen, to be without us all these weeks as we weren’t allowed to visit on the COVID ward. To be getting ready to go home then another week of slow deterioration and then a sepsis. And now she’s going to die.

I saw her the last few days, she’s starting to look like she’s dying, it’s like torture.

Poor teen DD is terribly upset, mum was like a third parent to her. We were so close, I keep seeing mum in her house, or walking around the town with me, our favourite coffee shops, and then think I’ll never be able to do any of that with her again. She was the person I’d call with good or bad news, my true friend. DH and DD are wonderful but how will I cope without her?

Oh god I'm so sorry, I'm sending love and strength to you and your Mum.

Sending you love and strength. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers💐

How amazing to have such a lovely relationship with your mum. Reminds me of winnie the pooh quote. 'How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye to hard'
So sorry she is so poorly, thinking of you xx

Gosh, my heart breaks for you and your poor mum.

The relationship you describe between you and your mum and your daughter sounds like mine (and my dd).

I wish I knew what to say, but I'm sending you love. I will keep your mum and you in my thoughts.

I'm so very sorry

You asked how you will cope.

Make a promise to yourself now - write it down - that once your mum has gone you will not let the manner of her passing define her life

I put this in bold as I speak from decades long experience of losing my own mother as a teen. Even in non-Covid times end of life care is often sadly lacking, a loved one's dignity is neglected, and there are lots of what-ifs, please don't torment yourself with these.

Soon your mum will be at peace and, if you wish, you can have a lovely service celebrating her life. Your mum had the privilege of watching her daughter and her daughter's daughter grow up and have a relationship with them both. She will never be forgotten. The circle of life.

You will cope by leaning on your husband and daughter and letting them lean on you. Your mum is worthy of every tear shed but if you don't torment yourself with how she died, you will soon be able to celebrate how she lived. All those things you did with her you will be able to enjoy with your daughter. You are setting her an example on how to cope with grief.

Op I'm so so sorry you and your family are going through this

There’s a saying that our mums teach us everything except how to live without them. It’s such a tough time watching your mum in her final days, I really feel for you.

I hope that you get to have some lovely moments together focusing on that amazing live and bond you share.

Very sorry about your lovely mum.

Im so sorry 💐😔

So very sorry. I'll be thinking of you today spending time with your lovely Mum. All of us who have loving relationships with our Mums are so lucky but it makes it so hard when they leave us. My Mum died at age 70 too. You never get over it, but in time you will find that she is just part of you and your daughter. I think of mine in some aspect or the other every day. The cycle of life continues, she helped me when my daughter was a toddler, I now look after my toddler grandson and my husband often says how pleased Mum would be for me to have that joy. I see my Mum in our boy's smile Honestly they don't leave you. Kind thoughts and wishing you strength today to help you though your heartbreak.

Sending all my love to you. I wish you peace as much as possible. Much love to your family too, teen DD will make the right decision for her I'm sure.

I hope you can be with her, so much love.

I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love to you

I'm so awfully sorry for you and your family

I'm so sorry OP

I'm so sorry for you. My mum is same age. You must be in so much pain. Sending love x

We lost my mum last year, and a huge part of it was being there with her. A few weeks of indignity at the end of her life were not a scratch on the decades and decades of love, fun and laughter we shared.

I'm so, so sorry. It's all just awful.
My friend also was in hospital with covid and got pneumonia and didn't make it. Bastard virus.

I'm so very sorry to hear this. Sending you gentle hugs.

Another one here who has a vulnerable mum of the same age and you are living the scenario that keeps me awake at night.

These times are cruel on everyone but some just seem more heartbreaking.

I wish you the strength to be with your mum through this awful time and my thoughts are with you all.

I’m so very sorry

@TheQueenRaven - her words are just right.

You have so many years of good, happy and loving memories of your Mum. Once the grief starts to pass I hope you can enjoy abs share those.

Keep talking about her, let her memory sing and dance in all the days you can manage.

I'm so sorry.

The way to carry on is already in your posts: your own DD. Think of what your lovely Mum was to you, and be that to your DD. One day she will be able to look back and speak with as much affection about you, as you have done about your Mum.

It won't be easy of course, but your Mum's love will always be with you.

For today, tell her everything that she means to you, and how much you love her, even if you are not sure that she can hear you. Make it a special time that you will always be able to remember.

Sending you love and hugs.

I’m so sorry, how awful. Sending you love & strength.

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. I lost my mum to cancer aged 60 but at least she was in a hospice and died with company, clean and peaceful. Your mum's situation is dreadful.