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Bereavement

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My husband has died 2

232 replies

peachgreen · 23/11/2020 12:40

Just starting a new thread. Thank you so much for all the support you have given me so far. I honestly can't tell you how much it has helped. I've read and reread your posts in the middle of the night when I feel most alone and it has honestly and truly kept me alive at points. I'm so grateful.

Over the next two weeks I have what would have been our fifth wedding anniversary and Mike's 43rd birthday to get through. I'm dreading them. But I also want to mark them somehow. I think I might buy myself a watch to mark our anniversary, one featuring wood. I've also contacted a local jewellers - I'm going to get our wedding rings interlinked and made into a necklace so I can wear them always, no matter what happens in future.

This feeling of being married and yet not married, a wife and yet not a wife, is the strangest thing I've ever experienced. I feel half a person, like my purpose for living has gone. I'm carrying on for my daughter and I am finding some joy in her - especially as she gets more like her Daddy every day - but mostly I spend my days in a sort of disbelieving, numb haze. I keep expecting him to just walk back in the door and give me a big cuddle and tell me how well I've done and now we can get back to normal.

I miss him so, so much.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 24/12/2020 19:20

I feel so alone. I'm surrounded by love but my person is gone forever and I can't imagine ever finding anyone like him ever again.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 24/12/2020 19:23

Oh peach Sad I've been thinking of you a lot. Are you with family or on your own?

peachgreen · 24/12/2020 19:43

With family thankfully, I was already at my sister in law when the new restrictions were announced. They're wonderful and I'm glad I'm here. But miss him so much. His absence is deafening.

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 24/12/2020 19:46

Thinking of you and sending hugs. I have no words but just want to let you know you're not alone

Horsemad · 24/12/2020 20:19

Thinking of you this Christmas, @peachgreen. ❤️

peachgreen · 25/12/2020 20:27

Thank you all. I made it through the day but now I am pretty broken if I'm honest. I miss him so much.

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SweetShopSurprise · 25/12/2020 20:42

Been thinking of you today Peach. You’ve survived it, which is another testament to your strength!

lighlypoached · 26/12/2020 07:57

Hello @peachgreen I was thinking of you yesterday. That picture of you and Mike is absolutely lovely Smile

I sent a little package for you and Lyla xx

forgetthehousework · 26/12/2020 12:15

Well done for making it through Peach. Thinking of you.

DontWalkPastTheCastle · 26/12/2020 12:21

Well done @peachgreen

I'd imagine this will be the hardest Christmas to get through, and you've done it, and you never have to experience it again.

RemarkableLemur · 26/12/2020 13:51

I was thinking of you yesterday Peach, and will keep thinking of you through the holidays and beyond. I've changed my name but have posted here before, and on your other threads.

I'm so so sorry that you don't have your person any more. You will feel happy again in future, I promise you, but for now you're doing great, just putting one foot in front of the other, surviving.

peachgreen · 30/12/2020 18:45

Thanks everyone and especially thank you to @lighlypoached for the beautiful tree decorations Flowers It was so kind of you. Christmas Day was very tough but I think I'm finding the run up to New Year even harder. Could quite happily throw myself into the sea right about now and am barely holding it together for my daughter. It's getting harder rather than easier at the moment and I'm just so, so tired of it all. But everyone is saying I should be getting back to work and acting like things should be better. But they're just not. I miss him so much, I don't know if I can stand to go through my whole life without him.

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ivykaty44 · 30/12/2020 18:52

But everyone is saying I should be getting back to work and acting like things should be better.

Don't rush things and just tell people your not ready - don't be forced by someone else expectation

peachgreen · 30/12/2020 18:59

I know. Just hope my work are understanding as I can't afford not to be paid so may have my hand forced anyway.

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forgetthehousework · 30/12/2020 19:11

It must be so hard Peach, don't feel pressured by anyone. That said, depending on what you do work might be a distraction for you, as long as your colleagues are sensitive and sympathetic.

Everyone grieves differently Flowers

DontWalkPastTheCastle · 30/12/2020 19:43

Hi Peach. I'm really sorry you're struggling so much. Nobody should be expecting you to be ready to move on or get over it! I don't have any useful words I don't think, but I wanted you to know we're all still here.

MrsPworkingmummy · 02/01/2021 07:29

Hi @peachgreen just checking in to let you know I'm thinking of you and Lyla. Stay strong xxxx

petalpower · 02/01/2021 13:36

Still thinking of you Flowers

peachgreen · 02/01/2021 14:41

Thanks everyone. We have a new struggle in that my brother is awaiting biopsy results for suspect bowel cancer. Which my best friend's dad just died (very traumatically) from. Just can't seem to get a break and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all. But trying to stay upright x

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petalpower · 02/01/2021 16:39

Hope your brother’s test results are not what you think. I’m not surprised you feel overwhelmed by everything. One foot in front the other and just do the best you can.

LakieLady · 02/01/2021 16:43

Goodness, Peach, I'm so sorry.

It's beyond cruel when life just batters you with one sorrow after another.

MrsPworkingmummy · 02/01/2021 18:41

God @peachgreen, you've certainly had your fair share. How cruel! You are doing amazingly you know. The fact you're still here when you were so desperate at the start of this to not be is testament to your strength. Wishing you luck and sending love to you, Lyla and your brother xx

peachgreen · 02/01/2021 19:53

Thank you all. He has a CT scan tomorrow but I don't suppose we'll know much from that. Missing Mike dreadfully, I just wish he was here to lean on.

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LookToTreblesGoingTreblesGone · 03/01/2021 13:12

Hi @peachgreen

I just wanted to say that I think you're doing really well, and don't let others expectations get to you. You go at your own speed, a day at a time.
A friend of mine whose son took his own life last summer sent me this quotation the other day. My husband's cancer is regrowing again, and this quote helps me somehow.

"I've learned a lot this year.. I've learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you." - Jennifer Weiner

forgetthehousework · 03/01/2021 13:42

Ah Peach, so sorry.

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