Toddler in hospital. Need a handhold.

[sobsanta]

DD is 2 and has been ill for about four days with what we presumed to be a heavy cold. She hasn't slept much and today took a turn for the worse where we had to call an ambulance due to her breathing being laboured while sleeping and sucking in under the ribs with every breath. Paramedics think some kind of upper respiratory infection as her chest appears clear. Epiglottitis was mentioned or possibly severe tonsillitis but they didn't want to check her mouth at home in case it panicked her.

DH went to the hospital with her as he's calm and collected and only one parent is allowed due to coronavirus restrictions. She's a daddy's girl anyway so she'll feel safe with him but I'm kicking myself that I can't be with them both. Haven't heard anything yet and they've been gone about an hour.

Am terrified and need distraction as I know there's nothing I can do and she's with the best people.

Message from MNHQ: Please note, very sad update further down the thread

Sending you all so much love. She was such a little beauty and you can see from the photos so spirited. Your words are lovely and it seems that she knew nothing but love and happiness everyday of her life.

I'll take a trip to the cathedral tomorrow and light a candle for her and @Hoowhoowho I'll light one for your little one too. Hopefully they'll keep each other company until you can both be with them again.

The funeral is booked for the 9th December. It feels so far away. There are still a few little things that need doing so I'm getting on those this week.

It's my birthday today. DH and I are going for a lunch in a restaurant I've wanted to try for a while just to quietly celebrate but I'm just thinking about how she should be here and the numb but empty feeling void in my chest is feeling larger and larger.

My heart goes out to you having to live through this. You feel numb and empty but the love is shining through your writing. I think you said one of your older daughters has her birthday this week too? It must feel strange that life carries on. Still thinking of you all and wishing you strength. I imagine this period of time waiting for the funeral must feel particularly surreal. Keep looking after yourself, eating, resting and sleeping when you can.

Wishing you a good birthday, sobsanta, sending you love. I have heard that things can start to settle a little after a funeral, hoping this is the case for you.

I read something yesterday that I thought might be helpful:

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. Helen Keller.

And I read this column many years ago, a letter written in response to a man who had lost his 22 year old son. It's stayed with me - I don't know if you are in the place to read about other people's grief, but if you are, this may be of some comfort, although parts of it are bleak:

therumpus.net/2011/07/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-78-the-obliterated-place/

Thinking of you and your family and your beautiful daughter today. Happy birthday.

@sobsanta I am so, so, so sorry. My beloved husband died unexpectedly a few days before your beautiful Wyatt and while our griefs are obviously very different, I relate so much to so many of the things you have posted. The numbness. The hollowed out feeling. And then the crushing waves. I know there's nothing I can say to comfort you but for me, writing has really helped. And also remembering that you are allowed to feel however you feel in that moment and go with it. There is no right way to grieve. There's no better or worse way. You just have to plough through it.

I have a friend who lost her toddler at around the same age. She is a year on and while of course she's still grieving for her beautiful boy, she HAS found a way to live with the grief and enjoy her other children and her life again. Please hold on to that, as I do. Not many people have to face these unimaginable losses but those who do do get through it and find a way to live again. We will too.

Sending you and your family so much love, and your beautiful Wyatt too. She will never be forgotten and she will always be loved.

I have nothing to add to the heartfelt messages you have already received.
My heart is breaking for you and your beautiful wee girl.
I’m sorry x.

Thank you so much for that link ArabellaScott. I will c&p it for myself.

sobsanta, you and your family are always in my thoughts.

Glad it might be of help, endoftheline.

Sending warmest wishes to everyone grieving today.

I am so, so sorry for your loss @sobsanta. And happy birthday x

Happy birthday seems such a stupid thing to say to you sobsanta with what you are going through, but I hope you have the best day you can.

Happy Birthday sob, wishing you strength & love x

Happy Birthday. Hope you've managed to enjoy it a little

Still thinking of you all, @sobsanta. I really hope you don't have to wait months to find out why Wyatt died .

So, so sorry for your loss @sobsanta. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. I hope that you get results of post mortem soon and that it brings the teeniest bit of explanation.

I know it's not the same, but I lost my mum at the beginning of November and it was her funeral two weeks ago. She was 85 and in a care home so I hadn't seen her properly since March. I still can't believe she's gone and I will miss her so, so much.

Like you, I hope there is some kind of heaven. My mum loved kids and made absolutely no secret of the fact she much preferred the company of children to that of adults. I am keeping everything crossed that she is somewhere looking out for little Wyatt and taking great pleasure in giving her a big hug. Mum lost a child herself so would completely understand how you are feeling and even though it was 60 years ago, it still upset her to talk about what happened.

Sending a huge hug to you, DH and the little ones.

In the day we first called the ambulance due to her breathing, our neighbour called round and shouted for paramedics to help her husband who had fallen. He had a massive heart attack and unfortunately didn't survive even with medical intervention. Today was his funeral, conducted by the same company who are doing Wyatt's. The street was filled with a hearse and a limo plus their friends and family and it was all a lot to process. We didn't realise and as we were pulling up from the weekly shop the hearse was behind us. I tried to stay outside to pay my respects but I saw the coffin and I just broke and had to go inside.

We're seeing her in the chapel of rest sometime on Thursday. I just want to sleep until the next two weeks are over.

That must have been so difficult OP to see that today

Oh love. That has made me tear up. I'm so sorry .

So sorry, OP.

Oh bless you ..I actually cannot imagine how heartbroken you and your family are ...and I mean that from my heart 💓 It is my granddaughter 1st birthday on the 9 th December but I promise you we will think about your beautiful girlie that day as well 💕💕💕

I have been thinking of you and your family every day since you started this thread op. I sincerely wish you can find peace

Ive only just seen this thread. I'm devastated for you OP. I'll be thinking of you and sending you strength.

How are you today? Did you manage to go to the chapel of rest? Sending lots of love ❤️ xx

We saw her today. In the chapel of rest, I mean. That was the hardest thing I've ever done. She looked like she was sleeping but also very much dead. She was ice cold. I touched her hand, I kissed her on the forehead and I told her I love her. We didn't want to leave but we couldn't stay. We knew it was just her body, not her.

The pain and emptiness is returning, slowly. That broke me for a little while but I've gone back to how I was in the early days - crying without even realising it, wandering around aimlessly, feeling like my entire heart has been cut out of my chest and that I'm walking around while simultaneously dying.

It's DD's birthday tomorrow. I'm praying we get through it. We're going out for food and some mini golf with her two best friends and I really want to give her a lovely day but at the same time I just want to curl up in bed and do nothing at all. I'm utterly overwhelmed.

sobsanta
You are being so brave. It is so hard.

I am so sorry.

You will do the best for your birthday girl tomorrow.