Toddler in hospital. Need a handhold.

[sobsanta]

DD is 2 and has been ill for about four days with what we presumed to be a heavy cold. She hasn't slept much and today took a turn for the worse where we had to call an ambulance due to her breathing being laboured while sleeping and sucking in under the ribs with every breath. Paramedics think some kind of upper respiratory infection as her chest appears clear. Epiglottitis was mentioned or possibly severe tonsillitis but they didn't want to check her mouth at home in case it panicked her.

DH went to the hospital with her as he's calm and collected and only one parent is allowed due to coronavirus restrictions. She's a daddy's girl anyway so she'll feel safe with him but I'm kicking myself that I can't be with them both. Haven't heard anything yet and they've been gone about an hour.

Am terrified and need distraction as I know there's nothing I can do and she's with the best people.

Message from MNHQ: Please note, very sad update further down the thread

I am so so sorry for the loss of your lovely little girl. Words sound so feeble, but so many of us are thinking about your family right now. This thread has been one of the most tragic I’ve ever read and a reminder to all parents that it could be any of us walking in your shoes. It’s made me realise how beautiful but how fragile every life is.
You sound like a lovely family and Wyatt will never be forgotten.

Honestly the numbness is your brain's way of protecting you. If you were to feel the full onslaught of emotion all at once you simply wouldn't be able to cope with it. It's a survival mode. I'm sure your nearest and dearest are going through it too to various degrees.

Sending love X

DH is numb too. He has friends who live locally and some family who support him and he's in touch with MIND regarding counselling alongside the counselling being offered by the Wish Upon A Star charity. He's not as well supported as I am as I have a larger group of very close friends (who are friends of us both but mostly mine) while his circle is smaller so I've been trying to keep an eye on him but he's keeping busy just trying to get by like we all are. Luckily we have an incredible relationship and are in close communication right now where we're able to talk to each other and support each other but I know that may not always necessarily be the case when the grief hits and I need to know he's supported independently. He's always been my rock

Still thinking of you and your family ❤️ You may find that you will cry/feel more at Wyatt’s funeral - or not - there is no right or wrong way to grieve - it is like being born or dying - an individual experience to those that go through it ❤️❤️❤️

I'm so, so sorry for your loss OP 💐

You and your family are processing this very well, sobsanta. I know that sounds odd, but all of what you describe are perfectly normal reactions to loss. Our subconscious knows how to protect us; yours is doing a good job right now.

I'm glad you're getting lots of support and have the counselling in place.

I wanted to just mention the gasping you have when falling asleep - I used to have this every night during a period of anxiety. It is - or it was in my case - a result of chronic hyperventilation - from tension.

Some slow breathing before bed might help, any breathing exercise where you are lengthening the outbreath, and/or relaxing can help.

You may want to try the 4/7/8 breath:

Can help to reduce stress, calm anxiety and help people sleep. Inhale through the nose for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, breathe out through the nose for eight seconds. There are apps that can help you do this.

Sending you all my very best wishes, always.

You and your husband and your daughters for that matter are so lucky to have such a wonderful strong family unit.
You all sound amazing.

I’m so pleased your DH is getting the help from MIND too.
I know that should anything similar happen to my DH he would be the one to suffer in silence as men just don’t seem to talk about feelings with their friends as much as women do.

It sounds like you are looking after each other well.

I am truly so very sorry for your loss, what a beautiful girl. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, words are not enough. Thinking of you all at this very sad time x

💗thinking of you all xx

I am so so sorry!
She was the most the beautiful little girl.
I really hope you're somehow getting through this, one day at a time.
Thinking of you x

I have just read your update. I m so sorry for your beautiful girl died. Please know I have a candle lighting here for her and you too.

Thinking of beautiful Wyatt Rose and your family every day ❤️

Checking in. It's been a couple more days of numb. This seems to be the new normal. Still waiting on post-mortem preliminary results and may be all week. I feel as if we're in some kind of stasis.

DD 9 is at youth club tonight so I'm glad she's gone to have some fun. Everyone seems very numb like this is very normal and day to day but deep down we know it isn't. We're just waiting on the other shoe to drop.

Doctor prescribed more diazepam which I'm grateful for. I don't take it every day but if I need to do the shopping or go outside anywhere it's handy as I can get through without a panic attack while on a low dose (6mg).

I've been pouring my pain and frustration into art. Bright colourful pieces and then moody smudgy abstracts just to keep busy. I find I've been painting the beautiful bouquets we've been sent without even realising that's what they were. It's funny how the mind works, isn't it?

I'm going back to university in two weeks. I'm looking at the reading and lectures but not really taking anything in yet. I can't defer studies as I'm chronically ill and unable to work aside from freelance art which is not financially stable. I just want to progress with these degrees so I can one day teach and write for a living. I need something to throw myself into or I'll sink with the depression.

I'm so sorry. Your post had me in tears.

Lots of hugs to you

OP, I'm sending you more . The art sounds wonderful and I'm so glad you have somewhere to pour all the feelings.

Hoping you hear back about the post-mortem soon and get some peace.

Happy to hear an update from you OP. I think it's a great sign that you can focus on your art.

What is it exactly that you're studying?

(tell me to mind my own if you like :).

Sending my love and thoughts to you and your family x

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl. My heart is breaking reading your posts. Lighting a candle for your daughter now. You’re in my thoughts.

I’ve been following your thread and thinking about you and your family a lot ever since. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. Your little girl is so beautiful and such a dear little thing. She looks so happy in the photos and it looks like you must have a lot of happy memories with her. I’m so very sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some kind of peace eventually.

@SpectralPlot I'm doing a Masters in Human Rights Law so modules in the law of armed conflict, health care law, global justice and constitutionalism. Hoping to one day do a PhD in law and teach.

I am so sorry OP, your photos are lovely and show a happy and beautiful little person. She looks really content and loved

Wow sobsanta what you're studying is seriously impressive.

I can see why throwing yourself into that can help you, as long as you still stay mindful of your mental well-being at the same time. Something tells me you will though.

Sending hugs from me & DC.

Sending love here too. I think about you every day x

Your studies sound fascinating.
I realise that is such a ridiculous thing to say to you right now, how life can turn on its head in just one day.

Sending love and strength to your family x

Focusing on something logical like that will really help. I don't work due to disability so aside from art I have nothing else to throw myself behind. DH is a carpenter so he has both physical and mental stimulation of creating which he has found an absolute lifeline during this horrible stage because he can see something through to the end and we're both not required to be around other people or teams while we're doing it.

We're attending a friends very small wedding reception this evening (Wales are out of lockdown). Putting a bra on and a face of make up will be a slice of normality for me and despite our grief I couldn't be happier that my greatest friend has found a partner that is so in sync and in love with her as she is with him. They have been so wonderful to us during this time so we want to be there to celebrate their love, even if just for an hour.

Coroner has said the post-mortem has started and we're looking next week for a preliminary report. I feel like my life is buffering just waiting for the call that she can come back to our city and be 'home' but at least we have a rough timeframe for things to move along. Most plans have been made now for the funeral, headstone etc so I feel like there's not much more I can do to be productive and I'm in full mum mode with the other DD's who are feeling a bit fed up of me hovering now they're older.

It's all so surreal.