My husband has died

[peachgreen]

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

So pleased to read your last post Peach. Mike would be beaming with pride I'm sure that you are not only managing to cope, but putting things in place to survive for the next big wave of grief.

The new childcare arrangement sounds brilliant, I hope you'll be able to use that time to do the simple things that make you feel good too.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, you've come so far in such a short time, adapting to a horrific situation. Your wonderful husband married a very strong woman

You are an inspiration Peach. Keep going. One day at a time. Your daughter is lucky to have you.

So lovely to read your update Peach. These moments of positivity and calm will continue to come, and although there'll be more dark times in between you must hang on to them tight and use them to power you through. Mike would be so, so proud to read your words.

Keep going xx

(Ps. I've just noticed it won't be too long until this thread is full. Would you like us to start another Peach, or one of us do it for you? We're still here and will be for as long as you need us x)

Morning all. Thanks again for your lovely comments. I reread them a lot in the hard times and it really helps. Struggling a lot this morning but I managed to get Lyla up and my new laptop arrives later today (through work, I'm not splashing the cash - contrary to popular belief, widows aren't rich!) so getting that all set up will give me something to do. I'll also start another thread - thank you @DuzzyFuck. This really has been an absolute lifeline. I've even met a MNer (I won't out her by mentioning her name) who lives just moments away from me and we're meeting up for a walk next week.

It still seems so inconceivable to me that he's not coming back. I miss him and his gorgeous personality so very much. And something else I'm struggling a lot with today is the fact that this will impact Lyla for the rest of her life and I will have to deal with that alone. It's a double blow, if that makes sense.

I know I have to go on for Lyla and I will. Which is better than where I was last week. But it's just so utterly shit to go from what was really a perfectly contented, happy life to this.

It's a beautiful day though so I'm going to try and get out and walk to the village along the seafront. It's what Mike would want me to do and I'm using that to make most of my decisions right now. He never steered me wrong.

You are making such progress, it's clear to see from the tone of your posts. Well done lass x

So proud of you Peach (and I don’t even know you so I can only imagine how proud your friends and family must be)

Keep going, it’s bloody hard and miserable right now, no one can deny that. But there WILL be happiness in your life again. For now it’s just about getting through each day for Lyla, and also in order to obtain that future happiness.

Still thinking of you each day and glad this thread has helped somewhat.

You are a brave surviver Peach, I'm sure Mike would be proud of you and I know that Lyla will be in the future x

Thank you. Walked into the village and went to my local Boots to get deodorant. They know about Mike and loved him - because he was Lyla's main carer for the first 3 months of her life he was in there all the time and I think they - like me - were just in awe of the way he cared for her and for me so devotedly and uncomplainingly. They gave me flowers when I went in last week and were all crying for me. Anyway, today they brought down one of every free make up and skincare gift they had going to choose from and threw in a free lipstick too. People are just ridiculously kind and it made my first solo walk into the village a lot more bearable. Now I'm sitting on the seafront where I want to get a memorial bench for Mike (we sat here often) and feeling him with me.

People are so kind aren't they?

I'm glad to hear you feeling a bit calmer.

You're doing great.

You're doing so well, I'm glad people are looking after you.

A memorial bench by the sea sounds wonderful. A place to sit out and stare and feel him with you.

I'm so glad you have so much love and support around you, keep doing the next thing you think Mike would want you to do, that sounds like a brilliant approach

I've also been following your posts for a while but haven't posted before. Your posts have really touched me and I just wanted to add how pleased I am to hear that you're doing well, particularly with Lyla.

The photo looks like a beautiful spot and the perfect place for a memorial bench. There's something very calming about looking out at the sea and I'm sure Mike's friends and family, as well as other people that sit there, will find it a very comforting and peaceful place.

I've been following your posts and just wanted to remind you that we are still thinking about you both. It's not fair, it's incredibly tough but your daughter has an amazing mother who is going to give her a wonderful life, just different from the one you anticipated. This community will be there for you at 3am in 6 months time when people begin to forget - it's such an amazing thing the internet! Take care

Oh Peach you are doing marvelously. Mike would be so proud of the way you're riding the wave. The fact you've secured childcare must be a huge relief and I'm sure the head space you'll get as a result of this will be useful. I hope you managed to get your work laptop set up and are moving forward with your new normal. Although Lyla will be affected by Mike's death, this doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Speak positively, have his items and pictures to hand, answer her questions and she'll be strong and proud of her daddy. Let her know you'll always be there to speak about him when she wants. We ran a 'Rainbows' group at school for bereaved children and they were often very upset feeling they couldn't talk about their deceased parent at home out of fear of upsetting the one still alive.. This is when we found children most negatively affected. Sending you much love.

Oh my goodness what a dreadful position you are in. I truly feel for you having experienced a similar loss myself. I learned that there is such a thing as heartbreak, an actual physical pain in the heart. This is now backed up by science. There is that waking pain that hits smack in the face each day.
Friends rallied round, I tried to go along with them but sometimes it just magnified my aloneness. I was in a bubble for at least six months. I couldn’t reach out to anyone. I cried and cried when alone in the evening, probably a very good thing.
I joined Widowed and Young, the book that really touched me is “Death and How To Survive It.” by Kate Boydell. I highly recommend it. I emailed Kate as to how this book was so helpful and she was very kind to take time to reply to me.
I scoured the net for snippets about others in my situation, I found myself collecting quotes and pictures, bits of music and poems that touched my heart.
I went on to compile what the Americans call a Commonplace Book. I bought myself a really special book and gathered all the scraps together in this common place. I wrote just what I felt. I kept this journal all for about a year, then the need to do so lessened.
As the months passed I realised that the pain that is so central becomes peripheral, always there but no longer a slap in the middle of the forehead every morning.
These next words will not comfort you now but time does really help. This is the last thing you want to hear from anyone just now. My heart goes out to you. My only advice is to keep on keeping on, for yourself and your darling daughter.

Your words inspire me and echo my own experience, as i lost the love of my life in July. That feeling of being strong making you feel closer to your Mike- I experience that. I know when I'm following the path Annita would want me to follow, and it makes me feel closer to her. I also feel her wanting me to forgive myself when I can't be strong, and when I feel guilty. This is an unbelievably hard thing to go through, it's changing me and I don't know who I will become and I don't know what I want to do most of the time. It helps knowing that others are feeling what I feel, so thank you for sharing. This huge pain is the flip side of our huge love.

Hope the weekend has been full of friends and family, peach. Thinking of you.

And more for all of you PPs who have been through this too.

Joystir sorry you are experincing life’s cruel twist too. Peach you are being phenomenally brave and strong for Lyra, you are in the eye of the storm and Mike’s love will guide you through these turbulent times. I am so sorry for your loss.

@joystir59 I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this too. It is the hardest thing I can imagine. I know exactly what you mean when you say you don't know who you will become. So much of my identity was wrapped up in being Mike's wife and now I have no idea who I am or what I'll do. I guess all we can do is keep going.

@jusu48 I'm so sorry for you too. I have bought that book, thank you for the recommendation and for the comforting words. I do believe you and others when you say time will help - it's just so hard to keep going while waiting for that to happen. It all seems so incredibly unfair. I have started writing as well - I'm not ready to share it yet but I think it will help.

I've started a new thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/4087586-My-husband-has-died-2

@peachgreen

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

Hello, my wife passed away 7 weeks ago. She was 42. I know where you are so please don't think you're alone

@ewan35 - so sorry for your loss. And thank you for reaching out to @peachgreen

Just checking in. I posted in the earlier days but have name changed. Another great book if you are up to it is Option B by Sheryl Sandberg. I think it will really help you xx