When do you move in with your friend’s peach? Could you accelerate that and just go next week when your family go?
I’m so sorry for what you went through yesterday, I’m so glad the crisis team have finally seen you. I really hope they continue to give you intense support as you absolutely need it at the moment.
Re having someone to look after you, peach, I truly believe that before you met Mike you were able to look after yourself (I really hope that’s the case) I know now you also have a dependant so things have shifted slightly but you come across as so intelligent on here and (and I know you won’t believe this as you don’t feel like it right now) so strong. It’s been however many days/ weeks now but you’re STILL here. I know you don’t want to be but the fact is, you ARE battling through this. You don’t need anyone to look after you, you can look after yourself. I actually think that having to do more stuff for yourself and Lyla might actually be a good thing, it will keep you busier.
My friend’s husband died a few years ago (he was only in his early 40’s too and her only 37) I swear she didn’t get a day’s rest for months. We took her out, everywhere. Forced her to book days/ nights out, events to do with her hobby. She didn’t feel like doing any of that bloody crap and quite often she’d be sad and miserable for the majority of it, she was utterly broken, we could see it, but each thing we did drag her out to do, she DID smile or laugh once. It might’ve been meek and fleeting, but for 0.5 seconds she felt just a tad better. So for us it was worth it. She literally had/ has no one. She’s an only child, her mother died when she was 26 and she’s estranged from her dad. (This is quite outing for her but I hope if she’s on here she won’t mind me telling her story) Her SIL and MIL (FIL died) she was never very close to and they didn’t really bother staying in contact after the funeral. Honestly, her husband truly was her best friend and all she had in the world. She really was alone apart from her friends, but she’s here, today, 3 years later. She has met someone else, it’s been about a year now, he seems lovely and he’s renting his house out and moving in with her in the New Year. Honestly I’m so proud of her because I really thought she would try and end her life, myself and her other friends were terrified of it happening and we could completely understand why if she did because she really has had a crap life at times and this just seemed like the final straw. If she can do it Peach, so can you. That’s partly the reason why I keep coming back to your thread, because you sound so much like her with the things you’re saying and I need you to know there’s living proof that someone who feels the way you do now feels better.