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Original poster

My husband has died

973 replies

peachgreen · 28/10/2020 21:45

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

OP posts:
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callmeadoctor · 01/11/2020 23:37

Remind yourself always what Mike would want of you now, he would want you to carry on and be strong for your daughter. Imagine if you had told him your thoughts when he had come home from hospital. He would have done anything for his daughter to be safe and loved x

MrsPworkingmummy · 02/11/2020 05:33

@peachgreen I'm just checking in to see how you are? Do you still have family with you? I'm thinking of you. I really hope the crisis team are able to offer support today xx

JanBabiesBrummyMummy · 02/11/2020 06:45

How are you this morning Peach? I hope you were able to get some sleep last night. I'm thinking of you all today Thanks

Pebbledashery · 02/11/2020 08:28

Peach how are you? Did you manage to sleep. I woke up thinking of you x

ShortSilence · 02/11/2020 08:36

Thinking of you here too, Peach, and your DD.

SweetShopSurprise · 02/11/2020 09:04

Thinking of you too this morning Peach and so glad you’ve reached out for some support.

Original poster
peachgreen · 02/11/2020 09:20

Thank you all. I am taking medication to help me sleep but last night I dreamed about him and it was very very hard waking up. When he was alive I would often have this recurring dream where I was going about my every day life but he wasn't there, I couldn't remember him. But in my dream I would know something was wrong, someone was missing, that I had definitely met my soulmate who was so right for me. Then I would wake up and see him or feel him next to me and I'd cry with relief because of course, it was him, he was there, and I'd snuggle close to him and feel comforted. I had the same dream last night only I remembered him at the end of the dream but in the dream he had broken up with me. And when I woke up he wasn't there. It's agony. I don't want to go through life without his beautiful warmth, his goodness.

OP posts:
ContraIndicated · 02/11/2020 09:36

I’ve had several dreams like that since my husband died and I know they’re quite common with other members of WAY. Don’t be scared to tell the crisis team about everything you’re going through, they definitely won’t take your daughter away because all these thoughts are very normal.

It’s such very very early days for you and I know it’s hard to believe that things will improve at all. Don’t even think of it as getting through a day, just getting through the minutes is ok. The time will pass and it won’t always feel this horrific all the time.

callmeadoctor · 02/11/2020 09:54

Its very early days OP, I can promise you that Mike would want you to concentrate on your child. She will be the one to get you through it, after all, she is part of Mike don't forget x

callmeadoctor · 02/11/2020 09:56

Also if you had asked Mike before he died, would he rather live instead of you beautiful daughter he would save her every time x

Pebbledashery · 02/11/2020 09:59

Peach. I just want to give you a big hug. 😢. Every time you write something I just tear up x
I hope today goes OK and you get the support you need. Xx

Original poster
peachgreen · 02/11/2020 10:01

I just had to call the funeral directors to decide what to do about his ashes. This is all so monstrously unfair. He was a young, fit, happy, loving Dad. He deserves so much more than this. He should get to see our little girl grow up and grow old with me, as in love as ever. I'm so, so broken. I can't bear this pain.

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Tistheseason17 · 02/11/2020 10:04

I can't make you feel better, Peach,but please know I'm hear for you and listening Flowers

WoolyMammoth55 · 02/11/2020 10:12

Hi @peachgreen, just wanted to send you love. Grief is awful and when my mum died I also felt for a long time that the pain was too hard to bear and death would be better. Came close a couple of times but didn't, which I'm so grateful for.

My life is lovely now - the heart does heal, as impossible as it feels right now. You will have lovely times ahead, with your DD, with your family and friends, with new friends you haven't met yet too. Life does go on.

I used to think about the "combination" of different things in my grief - so first there was missing the other person, the void of them. It would be the same if they'd got on a plane that fell out of the sky - just the loss.

Then there's the horror of seeing a corpse - so shocking and awful. It would be the same if a stranger dropped on the street in front of you, but it's especially haunting when it's a person you love.

Then for me with my mum there was a lot of grief for her suffering - but hopefully it sounds like your husband was spared some of that? But maybe there's another thread for you that wasn't there for me...

It's hard and horrible. It's the worst thing I've ever been through. But (after a lot of help and counselling and time) I am glad I loved my mum as much as I did, I'm glad we had the time together that we had, I miss her but my life goes on. And I'm happy!

Promise that things will get better X

TokenGinger · 02/11/2020 10:12

Good morning, peach.

I'm sorry to hear about your dream. That must have been so hard to wake up from. I was thinking about you so much last night. All night you were on my mind.

This post probably doesn't account to much. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, I just want you to know that we're all still here and listening xx

Identitytheftisnotajoke · 02/11/2020 10:49

I'm so sorry Peach, it really is all so unfair. The pain won't be this horrendous forever. One step at a time. We will be here with you.

Pebbledashery · 02/11/2020 12:43

Hi Peach x I'm listening to you too x x x

petalpower · 02/11/2020 12:43

I think of you and your lovely Lyla often throughout the day @peachgreen. So sorry that you are going through this. I hope the crisis team get in touch soon.

JanBabiesBrummyMummy · 02/11/2020 12:55

Arranging the funeral must be a really daunting and overwhelming task Peach, I'm so sorry you have to make all these decisions.
Hoping the crisis team get to you soon, and I'm thinking of you all x

Original poster
peachgreen · 02/11/2020 15:14

Thank you everyone. My brother is here right now and he's helping me with all the horrible practicalities. I wrote Mike's tribute today which was comforting. Just hope I can get through reading it tomorrow. I want to do it for him, it would make him proud.

OP posts:
Marmunia1975 · 02/11/2020 15:18

We will be thinking of you Peach. I'm sure he's watching over you right now.

NoSquirrels · 02/11/2020 15:40

Is the funeral in the morning or afternoon, peach? We can hold you, Mike, Lyla and his family and friends in our thoughts and prayers.

Original poster
peachgreen · 02/11/2020 16:18

His cremation is at 10.30am and then the service is at 2pm. Please do think of us.

OP posts:
MzHz · 02/11/2020 16:24

We will be thinking of you, please know we will be thinking of you and sending you our love and strength

JanBabiesBrummyMummy · 02/11/2020 17:02

Well he thinking of you Peach x