My husband has died

[peachgreen]

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

I just want to die. I'm so desperate for it to happen. I know I can't kill myself. But I want to die so so much. I can't see a way to go on without him. He was so beautiful.

Dear girl, what you are suffering is horrendous and your words are in my head. We are all listening to you. We are here.

Oh Peach. Seven years really isn't enough.

I don't think I have anything useful to say. But if you want to keep posting we'll keep listening.

Such beautiful pictures. Thank you for sharing, peach.

It’s so hard to fathom love, and you’re right that you’ll miss him forever, but his love for you stays, it’s a constant. It’s not in the same physical form any more, but it’s never gone, and you share it with your DD.

You're right OP, love like you and Mike shared is a rare and beautiful thing to be blessed with, and I can't imagine your pain at having lost him. This pain won't always be so raw. Hang on in there xx

It was special to you. And none of us can properly understand - we can’t, not even those who have been through it because each individual, each relationship is different to and shaped by different experiences. So you’re right, in a way.

But we empathise, we care. And those who have been through similar know the general shape of grief and the passage of time, if not the details and depths.

Keep holding on. Keep talking.

What a kind, gentle, handsome man he was Peach. Those photos are beautiful.

Grief is the price we pay for love; and when that love is very great, as yours is for him, the pain is equally fathomless.

You write so well, Peach, even in the depth of your agony. Maybe writing of your love,and your pain will help in the days to come.

I wish I was your real life friend and able to do something to help.

Hi Peach. I've just read this entire thread and my heart is breaking for you. Those photos are so beautiful and you and Mike looked so happy together. Please keep talking about him and how you're feeling.. I know nothing in the world right now will make you feel better but please take a small bit of comfort from this thread you've started.. Also, Mike would want you to go on for your daughter 💖.
How is your daughter doing?
I am so sorry you're going through this :( there are no words xxx

The photos are beautiful. I don't have any advice, it will get easier though it doesn't feel like that now, but it will.

Wish I could give you a big hug and just let you sob in my arms. I've not lost a partner but I lost my mother and although the grief is different.. Just having someone listen to my cry gave me relief. If you want to cry, just cry. If you want to get angry, get angry.. And if you just want to be heard, then post on your thread on mumsnet.. Because we're all here and all listening to you 😘

42 is so unfair. I’m so so sorry OP.

I don't think I can do this. I think I have to die.

I can't do anything now, don't worry. I'm never alone. But I don't think I can go on much longer. I need to be with him. I will never ever be happy without him.

Oh my word. I'm so sorry OP. Poor you!

Peach.. Its only been a short time, nobody is expecting anything from you.
Please remember that Mike and you share a beautiful and lovely daughter and she will need her mum more than anything now and he would want you to live for her and give her the best life ❤️

I think I remember your previous thread when Mike was poorly and I'm so very sorry to hear of your heartbreak, @peachgreen. It is brutally unfair, you and Lyla do not deserve to suffer such agony.

Nothing can be said to make things better at the moment, but hope you can feel the love that is being directed towards you from a bunch of strangers

I don't think he would. I think he'd want me to come and be with him.

Mike would absolutely want you to be there for Lyla. He was an amazing father and loved you both so much. He had every faith in you as a parent, you need to stay strong for her

@peachgreen How you feel is completely and totally understandable but please please keep your baby girl in the front of your mind. How you feel losing your lovely DH would be doubled for her losing both of you.

I know it's so easy to convince yourself otherwise in your grief but I'm sure Mike really would want you to be there for her. If this had happened the other way around wouldn't you want the same? To have her taken care of by the best possible person and to grow up hearing all about the parent who loved her so much? Nobody knew him as well as you did, she needs you to pass on everything you knew.

I'm glad to hear that you're not alone. Keep taking deep breaths x

I used to look at other relationships around me and think how lucky I was and how I could never cope with any other husband. Not because they were bad but because I was so sensitive and needed someone who could be as gentle and present and reassuring as Mike was. He never got annoyed with me, even though I cried at the drop of a hat and had a tendency to be melancholy. He loved me so so so much, we were soulmate. How could I ever go on without that?

But if I left she could be looked after by someone who isn't completely broken. In a proper family, a whole family. Not by a shell of a person who will never be happy.

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man and you look so happy together.
My husband died suddenly just over 2 years ago. I wanted to die too and I don't know how I got through the early days. No-one knows what it's like, try not to look too far ahead just get through the next hour or minute if an hour is too long. You're in shock, it's the worst shock ever. People will say it takes time to heal and you'll want to punch them. Try and eat/drink, it really is early days. I'm so sorry xx

You are the only person who can tell Lyla about her daddy. You and he created your beautiful little girl and she will need you to be there for her. Deep breaths, Peach. One foot in front of the other will do. And we will listen.

@peachgreen keep holding on, minute by minute, Mike will be holding you still as you hold on for Lyla. We’re all here whatever time of day or night. Sending you strength and love. Xx

@peachgreen as hard as it is... You find a way to adjust to life.. But that doesn't mean you will ever ever forget him.. What you have is irreplaceable. We all have someone who can never be replaced.. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy.. At some point you and Lyla will adjust xxx