My husband has died

[peachgreen]

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

I have outed myself so much on this thread that I may as well post this. This is my beautiful, beautiful husband. I will miss him forever.

Beautiful pictures @peachgreen
Mike is so handsome, I can see him in your DD xx

Ah those photos are lovely, OP. Thank you for sharing them with us

Your husband lives on in your dd, they look alike

What beautiful pictures, he does look like a lovely man. Thank you for showing us your Mike and Lyla. xx

thinking of you, followed your thread and very sorry to hear the outcome

Those pictures are lovely. You've often been in my thoughts @peachgreen. Keep talking on here, you will get lots of support and there will always someone around to listen.

I'm so sorry @peachgreen. He looks like a beautiful soul.

Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your grief @peachgreen...I can't stop thinking about you, Mike and Lyla. You're so incredibly lucky to have been with such a gentle soul. You're so incredibly strong to bear this huge loss and still take your little Lyla out for Halloween. You're so incre strong to wake up and do this every morning!!! All the more power and strength to you. Please, please look after yourself, eat, and rest.

You don't need to reply back to us. Just know that we will all be here for you whenever you come here. We won't forget your Mike

Dear peaches,
you brought your beautiful man to life, here on this forum, in your heartfelt writings during his hospital stay. Through your messages your love for him was written on every page and I felt I knew this wonderful husband of yours.
Your Mikey sounds like such an exceptional man and your darling man married an exceptional woman.
My thoughts and sincere condolences to you dear Peaches.

He does look really kind.

I wish I could send you the audio book I recommended but I don't know how.

Did you manage any sleep?

I don't think you have to worry about the time you wake up to no messages as that's probably only going to happen when you are ready for it to happen.

He has such a kind face and your DD looks just like him

Well done again for taking her out to the party last night. That's unbelievably strong of you. I know it was so hard for you, but did she have a good time?

There'll be lots of 'firsts' without him just for now, and each one will hurt terribly but then it will be out of the way and you'll never have that 'first' to deal with again. Small things, first Halloween, first weekend, first anniversary of various dates. You'll get through each of them I promise, and the subsequent ones won't ever be quite as bad x

One step at a time op. You are doing great, and I am sure he would be very proud of you.

His birthday and our wedding anniversary are at the beginning of December. We loved Christmas and had so many traditions. On Christmas Eve we watched It's A Wonderful Life, just the two of us. And then New Year we stayed in and watched When Harry Met Sally. We moved in together after only two weeks of dating and when Mike asked me to move in he quoted When Harry Met Sally - "when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible". It's just almost unbelievable that we only got 7 years.

He was the thing in my life that was always good. Everything else could fall apart but I would always have my beautiful, perfect marriage. I don't know what to do without that constant.

This has made me cry this morning, I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. Mike looked lovely ❤️.

Beautiful pics Peach - thank you so much for sharing them with us

He was the thing in my life that was always good. Everything else could fall apart but I would always have my beautiful, perfect marriage. I don't know what to do without that constant.

Oh sweetheart you will always have that marriage. Him not being here in person doesn't mean that you can't honour him in your thoughts every day, think hard about what he'd have wanted or advised when it comes to decisions, and move forward exactly as you would have done with him by your side. None of that needs to change and I know you'll make him proud.

Remember that a part of him lives in your DD too, and she'll always be the good and the constant in your life now.

It's different with a child though. I love her so much but she doesn't make me feel safe. She isn't my home. I'm those things for her and because of that I have to stay here even when I don't want to.

You will want to be here in the future. I know that you probably don't believe me right now but I promise that you will. You'll always love and miss your Mikey, but this awful awful pain you're in right now will start to ease in little increments that you won't even notice at first, until one day you'll realise that you can think about him and smile instead of crying.

You know that he'd want you to go on and have happy times again, for you and for Lyla and for him. Take as much time as you need to hide away and cry and rage at the unfairness, because it really is so unfair, but then when you're ready go out and live the very best life that you can live in his honour.

I can only say that making her feel safe will, as she gets older make you feel safe.
When they start to give back more, and you have little moments when they want to care for you, that's when you become each others family.
Your instinct to always make sure she's safe evolves and becomes a wonderful love.
Sharing jokes, experiences, quiet times on the sofa.
They don't replace but they become very important. You will feel loved.

Xxx

Thank you for showing us Mike and your DD. He looks like he was a lovely man. Your DD is beautiful. I followed your other thread and I’m so sorry for your loss. Take it hour by hour. Keep sharing with us all on MN. Xx

Gorgeous photos - please always remember what you're feeling is normal. Try to keep leaving the house with lyla just for short walks if possible.

Oh peachgreen. I’m still here and still reading and I can’t really say anything that hasn’t been said already, but I just saw the photos and they made me cry. What a gorgeous man. Believe it or not, you’re lucky to have had that love, albeit for far too short a time. Let his love stay with you and help you get through the days. Your daughter does look like him, too. Sending lots of love xxx

My heart breaks for you peachgreen. You look such a perfect family. You will get through this, but you need to grieve. Please accept any help offered and don't expect too much of yourself.

I think what's making this so much harder is that rightly or wrongly I feel Mike and I had a love that was more special and more intense than most people. And so when people say that I'll be okay, that I'll find happiness again I just can't believe it because I feel like they couldn't possibly have experienced the love I did. And I know that's awful and smug and maybe not even true but it's such a deep belief that I can't challenge it. I always felt that Mike and I were special.