My husband has died

[peachgreen]

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

You have your DD and that will keep you strong. Believe me when I say that she is the person that will keep you going. I lost a child at 18 months, didn't think I could keep going, but I owed it to her to live, just like you owe it to your husband to be strong for his daughter x

@Marmunia1975 thank you. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to write. I'm glad that you saw it. I want people to know him and remember him.

I miss him so, so deeply. I can't bear it. His love was so beautiful, it made the world a better place. I wish you had all known him. He was so gentle and kind.

I took Lyla to our friends tonight for a Halloween celebration. It was hellish because he should have been there, you know? He loved Halloween, all the games we played were ones he and I had bought together. How will I ever be happy again?

@peachgreen well done for getting out for a bit with Lyla. That was such a brave thing to do. Did she enjoy the celebration?

Well done Peach for getting out, I can't imagine how hard it must be but I'm sure it was good for your dd.

Keep going for your daughter and for him. He would want you to find a way to eventually be happy and to bring your dd up knowing how much he loved her. Just one day at a time

Sending you lots of love. I'm so so sorry for your loss.

Oh my, you took your daughter out and did your best for her this evening.
That's alot, doing that. In turn you did it for you, for Mike as her father.
You gave everything during the whole time he was in hospital, he knew this and will never forget how you would always do your best, as you have this evening.
I know that your spirit and soul will survive this.
As your girl gets older, and becomes closer to you in so many ways you've yet to experience or know, I just know your spirit and soul will carry you through.
For all of you.
XXX

@peachgreen I am so proud of you for taking your daughter out. I don't think you realise what a massive thing that is. You ARE capable and you ARE a good enough mum. The pain you're feeling is brutal and overwhelming and has been felt by many on this very thread. Time will heal you. You've taken a massive step in taking her out you know? Absolutely amazing. I'm proud of you for doing that. Please take up your family's offers of support and try and keep yourself busy.

OP, you have done brilliantly taking your daughter out and I am sure your husband would be so proud. I am so sorry for your loss, Mike sounds like he was an absolutely amazing man.
I know it seems unbearable right now, but I do honestly believe you will be happy again in the future. In the meantime, keep posting in this thread if it helps, we are all here.

It's fantastic that you've been out. Right now of course you don't love Lyla in the same way because she's only 2 and just relies on you, she's not yet your friend, but I promise you as she grows she will be your best best friend and you will support each other. Don't worry about the future - half days at a time right now. Please keep posting, keep ranting here - it's a safe space xx

Oh @peachgreen I am so sorry this has happened, I hoped from your previous thread that things were ok.

You know, I had coffee with a friend today. Her husband died in April, and she couldn't really get out of bed for about a week. Today, she said 'well the dust has settled, and the kids seem to be ok, so we're all carrying on'.

She's getting there. She has some plans. You will too, but just not yet.

I'm so sorry. Just keep breathing. Try to eat and drink. Hug your daughter.

How very sad. Just to say I am thinking of you, take care x

@peachgreen
just to let you know that even in the small hours of the morning we are still thinking about you .

Yes thinking of you

Also here and thinking of you x

I'm So so sorry ☹️ 🙏💓 I believe that there is a heaven and he's looking down on you and your daughter and is waiting until the day that you both join him and can all be happy together. I can't imagine the pain your feeling right now it must be awful 💔 but you won't feel this bad forever things get better with time just focus on your beautiful daughter she's apart of him he lives on in her 💓💓 do what you need to do, grieve it's so sad what has happened sad isn't even the word I don't think there is a word for the pain your feeling right now I don't even have any advice because unfortunately theese things happen and it's just life everyone passes eventually you'll be okay I'm sure he doesn't want you to be sad

You are stronger than you know, taking your DD out and putting her needs above yours. Every day is going to be hellish for a while, your DD needs you to tell her stories of her dad, let yourself be happy/smile when telling those stories x

I remember reading your previous thread & am so sorry to hear about Mike.

I know it sounds like a cliche but it does get easier, you'll never stop missing him & you'll never forget about him but the agonising pain you're feeling now will get easier to live with. Take it one step, one hour at a time

Please be kind to yourself, let yourself grieve & reach out to those around you if you need to talk / rant / cry

Okay I understand how you feel saying you want to die and things but please think about your daughter she just lost her dad she doesn't need to loose her mum aswell I understand I really do things will feel like this for a while but you can be strong and get through it and it won't hurt as much I know that may feel impossible now but trust me you will be fine millions of people go through this every day you are not alone I am so sorry and can't imagine the pain but it will get better that little girl is a part of you and is a part of him she is precious.

My heart goes out to you and your little girl. I'm so very, very sorry, and send much love your way.

Oh OP I was so sorry to read this thread.
I am thinking of you and your dd.

Also here and thinking of you through the night Peach. Hope you are managing some rest.

Thinking of you this morning Peach. I hope you managed some sleep x

That was an amazing thing you did for your daughter,
@peachgreen - well done! You CAN do this for her as her mum - you will have help and guidance from people, you won't be entirely alone. I hope that you have a good community around you who will pull together to help you out.

You are the best person to parent your little girl - always remember that. It will be harder without Mike but you will still do it, for him as well as for her and for you. You've already shown awesome strength in taking her to a party, wow! EVen if it was just a small one with friends, that's still really good going.

((((hugs)))) - I hope that you can still draw strength from this thread, and from anyone and everyone around you who is offering support and help. x

I know I don't reply to your messages but they help more than I can tell you. I'm so scared of when I start to wake up and they're not here any more. It's such a comfort to know that I'm not alone and that he's being missed and grieved by others. God I miss him so much.

I wish you had all known him, the beautiful person he was. He was so stunning and kind and gentle.