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Bereavement

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Original poster

My husband has died

973 replies

peachgreen · 28/10/2020 21:45

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

OP posts:
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Original poster
peachgreen · 31/10/2020 07:49

I can't believe I have to get through another day without him. I'm so angry that I've woken up. I just long to die.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 31/10/2020 08:23

Sadly there is nothing anyone can say or do to make things better

Keep your little one close & lots of cuddles

Sending compassion Flowers

RuthTopp · 31/10/2020 08:39

Is there someone who could look after your dd for an hour or so ? And another friend or family member who could take you somewhere very quiet / or remote ?
I did this when my mum died , and stood in the middle of nowhere and screamed and howled until I couldn't do it anymore ( I had warned my friend it wouldn't be pretty, and hopefully it didn't scar her ) It really ,really helped me. For me letting it all out after holding in my grief for a few days was a great release . Yes of course I was still grieving , but I didn't feel as if I was about to explode all the time. I am very sorry you are going through this .

Original poster
peachgreen · 31/10/2020 09:11

I really don't think I can go on

OP posts:
petalpower · 31/10/2020 09:18

Have you got family or friends with you at the moment @peachgreen? Is there anyone who can be with you?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/10/2020 09:20

You can, you know.
You're right, it's a terrible pain and it will never fully go away - but you learn to live with it and it does get easier.

Take comfort in your DD, who is part of your husband too. She is his legacy, if you like, to the world - and you are her biggest link to her daddy.

One breath, one step, one day at a time. Allow yourself the time to grieve as well - but keep taking the breaths and the steps. Thanks

Smurf123 · 31/10/2020 09:21

You can do this @peachgreen mike will be watching down over you and lyla. Mikes memory will be kept alive through Lyla- the stories and photos you show her and the things she will do that reminds you of him.
Take it a minute at a time. We are all here for you

Vinosaurus · 31/10/2020 09:21

Oh lovely - I can completely understand that the pain must be utterly unbearable, but Mikey wants you alive and well with your DD. He needs you here, to keep his memory alive.

Is there anyone that can come and sit with you for a while? A flimsy sticking plaster at best I know, but I'm worried about you.

JanBabiesBrummyMummy · 31/10/2020 09:35

Keep going @peachgreen
I know it feels bleak, but hold on to your precious memories. Your little one needs you right now. Hold her close and this will pass xx

NoSquirrels · 31/10/2020 09:40

It’s so unfair, it really is. And I know you just want it to stop so you don’t have to endure it. I do t think you want to die - you just don’t want this painful reality that’s so awfully, shockingly unfair.

But you’re strong - Mike helped you through PND, and now Lyla will help you through this and you will help her. Let other people carry you for a time, just keep trusting that Mike knew you could love and care for your daughter and so it is true, you can and will do this, although the pain is terrible.

Sending love through the ether.

minmooch · 31/10/2020 10:09

Oh @peachgreen I'm so sorry that you have lost your very precious husband. It is so terribly unfair -he, you and your family unit deserved so much more.

The only thing that makes this better is time. Time and your precious daughter.

My story is different as I lost my son to cancer aged 18. But the feelings on anger, disbelief, fear, sadness are the same. I too wanted to die but I had my other son to live for and make sure he got his chance to live a full happy life. At first I lived only for my son. But over time I have started to live for myself as well. It takes time but beauty and love find a way in again.

This is what will get you through these agonising days - looking after your daughter.

These are such very early days. Take it minute by minute. Allow others to look after you as well.

Gentle hugs.

WitchDancer · 31/10/2020 10:14

We're still here, virtually holding your hand. Futile I know, but it's the best we can do right now 🤝

DeliaOwens · 31/10/2020 10:34

Oh OP. A big hug from me to you. My words don't seem enough. We are here virtually and your family are there for you too.

These next few weeks will be so hard, but you only have to take one step, one moment at a time. You don't know this now but the joy that your daughter will bring you and the fact that she is her fathers daughter will bring you massive comfort.

For now, be here 'soft place to land' she will be having feelings that are very strange to her and she will need you as her guide. You can do this OP. We are all here for you. Take slowly, moment by moment.

Big hugs...

DuzzyFuck · 31/10/2020 12:15

Just checking in @peachgreen. How is your DD doing today? Why don't you tell us a little bit about her. What's her favourite toy at the moment? What's the funniest thing she's done or said to you? Is she a girly girl or a tomboy? What's her favourite colour?

We know how much you're struggling to look at the future but please don't lose hold of how much she needs you. She's relying on you to pass on all those lovely stories and memories of her Daddy when she's older, all the things that nobody else would know.

Sending you another big hug. You've got another half day done since you woke up. Keep going x

Original poster
peachgreen · 31/10/2020 14:03

There are people with me, they won't let me do anything. And besides I'm scared if I did I would be punished and I wouldn't end up with him. I just want somebody else to kill me, or to die in my sleep or something.

I love DD but it's not the same, not in the same way. Nothing could possibly fulfil me in the way Mike did. I'm not a good enough mum to do this by myself. I'm not a good enough person.

OP posts:
klc75 · 31/10/2020 14:14

You so are, you can do this. Think what he would say to you and I'm sure he would tell you that you are the very best mum for his daughter xx

minmooch · 31/10/2020 14:31

You are a good enough person @peachgreen . You are rightly hurting and angry.

There are many of us here who have been in such a dark painful place. We hear your pain, we stand with you xx

ShortSilence · 31/10/2020 14:34

You are good enough, OP.

It might not feel like that when you’re at the awful beginning of a long, painful healing process. But you’re more than good enough. He loved you. Trust his judgement x

DuzzyFuck · 31/10/2020 15:17

Oh @peach you ARE good enough, of course you are. Your Mike wouldn't have picked you to be his Wife and Mum to his DD if you weren't, now would he? He had utmost faith in your ability, now you've got to have that in yourself x

AluminumMonster · 31/10/2020 15:50

You can do this and you will, for your DD and Mike.

Don't think about the future, take each hour as it comes Thanks

Original poster
peachgreen · 31/10/2020 17:01

My poor, poor boy. He died alone and he could have been scared and I don't know. He loved us so much, he would have been devestated to think he was leaving us after all he had fought through.

OP posts:
bearlyactive · 31/10/2020 17:10

Five minutes at a time OP. I remember your other thread. There's nothing I can say that nobody else has said already, but we're all here and we're all holding our hands out for you to hold at this dark time.

KnightsofColumbusThatHurt · 31/10/2020 17:11

Oh peachgreen ❤️

One foot in front of the other, I'm so sorry.

Marmunia1975 · 31/10/2020 17:14

Lots of love for you here Peach. I'm in NI - I saw the death notice and figured it was your DH.

BubbasMumma · 31/10/2020 17:16

You are BETTER than good! You are the BEST mom to your little daughter! You are so incredibly strong! What a wonderful and kind woman you must be to love you husband so so deeply SmileFlowers