My husband has died

[peachgreen]

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

Those moments of horror are very normal and so are your feelings that you wish you were dead as well. It’s shit and no one who hadn’t been through it really gets it. WAY has helped me so much to understand everything I’m going through. Do join when you feel up to it.

I've been thinking of you, Mike and your little girl all day today @peachgreen I'm so terribly heartsick for you all.
I know it doesn't feel like it now in this moment, but you have more strength and courage than you could ever know. You and your DD will come through this, and in time you'll be able to think of Mike without collapsing and will relish your beautiful memories of him. Keep talking lovely lady, we're here for you.
So much love to you xx

Still thinking of you op and your little girl. My heart goes out to you.

I'm so very sorry
Wish there was something else we can do to help you

The pain is just indescribable I know that much 😢😢

I have been thinking about you a lot, I can't say anything that will help you I wish I could

Oh love, I'm so so very sorry for your loss!
I wish I had to words to ease your pain, even by just a small amount. Just know you are loved, and he will always be with you. Watching over you and dd! You will meet him again, but for now cherish that little life you made together, and look after yourself as best as you can! All my love to you darling xx

He was such a beautiful, kind soul. And so perfect for me.

The first night we ever spent together when we woke up in the morning he asked what I wanted to do, and I said I had to clean my flat at some point (thinking he would make his excuses and leave) but instead he said "Let's put High School Musical on while we clean the flat and then we can do a nice wee face mask". And then basically he never left and I moved in with him to his flat two weeks later. We were so blissfully happy, right from day one.

Oh @peachgreen he really was perfect for you. You've been incredibly lucky to have found such a soul mate. Hold on to these wonderful and dear memories, share them with your daughter and cherish what you had - love like yours was rare. I'm here and thinking of you x

It's so hard because I know I will never and could never find anything even approaching what we had. And yet I'm so terrified of the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life. But all I want is him back. I can't believe this is real, that something thus cruel could happen.

So sorry for your loss, can't imagine what you're feeling xx

I’m so sorry. My daughter is almost two and a daddy’s girl; the idea of you having to watch your daughter grieve your DP made me feel physically sick reading this and watching them play. It is so, so utterly shit and pointless that a good man can be taken from his family like this.

You'll never be alone for the rest of your life. He will always be with you. His love for you has helped shaped the wonderful person that you are and that will always live on in you and your daughter.

He really does sound like he was absolutely perfect for you. What a wonderful man.

You are strong, peach and you can get through this. I can't even imagine your pain. Whenever you feel like you don't want to be here anymore, hold your daughter tight and treasure that cuddle with her. You are her world now and you will get through this for you and for her xx

What a beautiful human being. He will live on in your daughter, and I’m sure one day she’ll love hearing stories about her wonderful daddy. Sending love ❤️

I’m so so sorry to read this, I replied on your first post and am just devastated for you. Sending you and your daughter lots of love xx

So so sorry @peachgreen. I am more sorry than I can say.
I see you have already been pointed at WAY. They were there for a friend years ago when he lost his wife in very similar circumstances (similar age, sudden short illness out of nowhere, also had a toddler). I remember going to her funeral and raging inside at the vicar who was waffling on about not really knowing why these things happen, thinking for goodness sakes man, surely this is the time to swear blind she is 'safe in God's loving arms' etc etc etc whether or not you believe it
It is a living nightmare you're going through but they have gone through it too and will understand.

@peachgreen you are not, and will not, be alone. You have a beautiful daughter who Mike will live through. We are all here for you too. I honestly can't even begin to imagine what you're feeling. We are here to listen when needed now and in the future. Mike will not be forgotten.. Lots of love xx

I can't stop thinking about you. From some experience I can say that now is just the hardest time, you will have peaks and troughs going forward but you will settle into a lovely cosy mummy daughter family and you will both gain so much from that close relationship you will develop. It's far too early to think about the future now and Mike will stay in your heart forever but please don't worry now that you will be on your own forever. Much love x

@marypoppinsagain thank you. I can never hope to stop missing him but having some vague hope that there could still be a happy future for me somehow does help. Even if I don't believe it myself.

So sorry for your loss, there are no words, and time will not heal this, but he will be looking after you and your little one from afar, Big hugs.

OP please, please imagine us all sitting down in a BIG circle with you. Please imagine us listening to you. Please imagine us hugging you and holding onto your hand. Please imagine us all taking turns watching your beautiful little girl. Your ENTIRE virtual family is here with you right now. We are all here so please keep writing if it helps. Please find some solace in knowing that we will all be thinking and praying for your beautiful family on Tuesday. You will come out stronger and you will find your purpose! Your darling little baby girl will be so so proud of her mommy when she's older for being so incredibly strong!!!

Lots of love and hugs to you. Mike will continue to live in her and YOU

Love lots of it 💐💐💐💐

Oh Peach i am so sorry to read about Mike.
Thinking of you tonight

So, so sad for you and your little girl.

Please may I recommend 'levels of life' by Julian Barnes. The first half of this remarkable book is (bizarrely) is about ballooning, the second about grief. It's such a beautiful book written from his own personal experience of losing his soul mate, and how he lived (and lives) with the pain of her death.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17262198-levels-of-life?fromsearch=true&fromm_srp=true&qid=m5Xrh8hDUU&rank=1

@peachgreen.I've PMd you xx

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you at this time. Losing someone so quickly and so young sounds hard. Sending you virtual hugs and love during this time.