My husband has died

[peachgreen]

He died today. He was 42. He had recently been diagnosed with a heart condition and spent a month in hospital but we believed he was going to be okay. He went upstairs for a rest and they think he had a heart attack. He didn't cry out, they think it would have been fairly instant. I found him when I went to check on him a few hours later and I knew he had gone, I did CPR but I knew it was too late.

He was my soul mate, my other half, the true love of my life. We have a little girl who is almost 3. If it wasn't for her I would kill myself. I can't imagine life ever having any meaning without him.

Our little girl is only just over 2 and a half so she doesn't understand. She keeps asking where Daddy is and why she can't see him in heaven.

There are some lovely books for children, some of them more suitable a bit older, but The Invisible String might be good for now if you’re talking about heaven, and No Matter What by Debi Gliori is beautiful on how love never dies, like starlight, and just right for a two year old. Perhaps your friends and family could read them to her?

I’m sorry about the intrusive thoughts, that’s really difficult to cope with. It’s happened to me after deaths and also after one of my children’s births, your mind is trying to process shock and trauma. It will subside in time but it’s frightening while it’s happening. Just keep breathing, remind yourself that this is part of your brain trying to process this.

Sending love to you. Your memories of Mike are beautiful.

Lean into all those emotions, I know they are really painful but leaning into them now will help you heal. And you will heal (but you probably feel like you don't want to right now and that's OK)

He promised me so many times that he would never leave me, that he wasn't going anywhere

Oh sweetheart. He will ALWAYS be with you in your heart and your lovely memories, and in your DD of course. Nothing can ever take that from you. I don't know you but I wish I could give you the biggest hug.

You heard his voice call your daughter's name and feel he is with you somehow. Please accept this is a sign he'd want you, and need you, to carry on for the sake of your lovely girl. He worked so hard to allow the two of you to bond. Do not give up now. You are made of strong stuff and will get through this horrendous time. I'm thinking of you a lot and am trying to send you the biggest amount of support. Stick with your daughter and relive the amazing man he was with her.

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I don’t have any wise words but I am here for you. Please keep going for your daughter. Take it one day at a time.

Oh Peachgreen I'm so very sorry for your loss he sounds like a wonderful husband and just so young so so sad for you both 😔 I really hope that you have someone looking out for you and your little girl ❤️

Hi peachgreen, sorry to see that you are going through such a tough time.

Please take a look through these links which could help:

www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief/coping-death-partner

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

OP I don’t know you. But just coming back onto say I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the last 24 hours, you and your little girl are so in my thoughts as I’m sure you are for a lot of other people. Reading your posts is gut wrenching as the grief is pouring out through the screen please do keep posting here, you need an outlet. You need to lean on the people around you IRL as much as possible.

I wish we could make what you’re going through more bearable for you as it’s so clear how much you’re hurting, but unfortunately we can’t. We can listen though, at anytime day or night.

Thank you all so much. Your posts really help, they're reassurance that people are still thinking of him and remembering him. I'm so terrified of when that stops and everyone goes back to their lives except me and Lyla who have to try and carry on without the most beautiful person who ever lived.

Hi @peachgreen - I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Mike sounds like such a wonderful man, husband and father and the love you shared for each is so clear to see from your posts. I have nothing useful to offer here, only love and a handhold for you and your darling daughter xx

I'm here to listen too peachgreen. I've read all your posts and am thinking of you and your family. I can't really offer any words of wisdom. Everything I try to write just sounds trite and I know there is nothing I can say or do that can really help you. Your love for Mike pours from every word you write and I can only imagine how much you must be hurting. I wish I could help, I really do. But I, and many, many others are here and we are reading and we care. Tell us anything you want to and we will listen.

I'm here listening too PeachGreen.

I think the idea of a jar of memories is a lovely one - maybe your first one could be your wedding vows or your walk together by the beach?

@peachgreen

I've changed my username so hopefully you recognise who I am.

We're here for you, we always will be. We will not leave you and we will help in anyway that we can. The support from us won't go away, I hope you know that and I know the other mothers in our group would say the same.

You've shown such strength already and your gorgeous little girl is testament to you, to Mike and to your amazing relationship.

Thinking of you, your lovely daughter and your Mike.

Does anyone know who the woolly hugs people are? Thinking of you, and have been following your updates since last thread.

Great idea, Autumn. I’ve sent an email directing them to this thread.

@autumnwoman @nosquirrels we are part of a lovely mum's group with OP and are on it re Woolly Hugs. Contact made with them yesterday. X

Thank you all so much. I am so lucky to have so much support, including from my wonderful mums group - I love you all so much.

The funeral is all arranged now, it happens very fast here in NI. It will be on Tuesday. Now I just have to write the eulogy. I'm almost frightened for it all to be over because then it's truly real. He's not coming back.

Oh love, you will do him proud. The things you have told us in our group as well as on this thread make it clear you will write an amazing eulogy which will be a credit to him, you, your daughter and the wonderful relationship you have. You are brave and strong and a wonderful resilient mum. You will get through this. Have your parents arrived? How is your daughter doing? Sending so much love xx

Tell us, @peachgreen. Tell us what you want to say and we'll remember him too.

People will try not to talk about him, I guess you know that, they will mean it in kindness or embarrassment, not knowing what to say, but you carry on talking.
When my Jon died (...which is almost 20 years ago now - and we haven't forgotten) we planted some grape hyacinths in the garden, they were his favourite flowers, and every spring they come up - stubborn little b*ggers they are, like he was - and every spring I am reminded of the power of enduring love.
No love is ever lost. It just changes shape.

Have been thinking of you, your daughter and Mike throughout the day Peach. He always sounds like such a lovely man that I'm sure there's so many people that are going to be loving him and missing him with you.

You are amazing and stronger than you know. Keep fighting to get through each hour as he would want you to. Sending so much love.

I have these waves of horror at it all where I just can't face it, I just end up collapsing and screaming. And then moments where I feel so sure that if I just do the right thing, say the right thing, he'll come back. I have to tell myself that it won't happen but still a big part of me believes it anyway. It's agonising. I didn't know human beings could feel pain like this and survive it.

My dear I am so very sorry. I know there is nothing I can say which can help you with your pain right now but I am thinking of you and your daughter

You will survive it , at first its all encompassing , then there are moments where you fleetingly forget and it slaps you around the face ,then gradually over time the periods of intense grief get a bit longer apart and just a sudden smell or object or anything will bring it back. You will also remember the good things and smile about your memories . Its long journey you are on ,and don't feel bad if you sometimes feel ok there are plenty hours to cry ,and he would want that for you . You will get through it, when you feel up to it make a memory box for your daughter , tell her about all the special and the mundane things you used to do .

I’m really sorry OP. I looked at your first thread a couple of times and was glad when he seemed to be improving. I just can’t imagine how you must feel at the moment. I will be thinking of you and your daughter over the coming days and weeks ... and especially on Tuesday.