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Bereavement

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Original poster

Am feeling much much worse - I think the shock is wearing off now

354 replies

Mummy2TandF · 30/09/2007 23:23

I really didn't want to keep posting and depressing people, especially as you have all been so kind but I am having a really bad time atm , I feel so alone and I can't stop crying . All my rl friends have been saying how brave I have been but I am worn out trying not to cry in front of them They all have their own lives and they don't need me sobbing I phoned my bf the other evening and couldn't even talk, just sobbed and she said "what's the matter" I just snapped at her and said - Oh, I can't begin to imagine what could be wrong with me . I feel angry and sad and alone
Toby looks out of the frech doors every night now and says, goodnight Daddy in the moon, I love you - I told my mum tonight that he does this and it breaks my heart every time and she said that I had to tell him to stop because I will turn him into a morbid child .... Honestly, do you all agree with her?

OP posts:
ps32 · 06/10/2007 02:28

hi there am not 2 sure what has happened in your life, i have dyslexia an cannot read all the postings, i'm here to chat if you feel the need!
with regards
paula

DutchOma · 06/10/2007 08:24

This is a horrible subject to bring up but: we have had brass plaques stolen from our crematorium in the last month. That's right, about 60 plaques got stolen out of the Garden of Remembrance at Northampton crematorium.
I really hate to have to mention this but can't bear the thought of this happening to you, so discuss with whoever you commission to do the plaques that it is made of a material that is of no interest to thieves.
For what it's worth, I too think you should only have "husband and daddy" on it, maybe with your names

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 07/10/2007 12:08

I am bak in a daze again now - I thought that the reality had sunk in but it hasn't i am back to disbelieve, I am so lonely ... I haven't seen anybody since Friday evening and I am going stir crazy in the house but don't really want to go anywhere IYSWIM. I was going to go to the lake where we scattered Craigs ashes this morning but dd was really tired and is having her nap now and I have got a friend coming round at 3:00pm, so there wouldn't be enough time to go there now I have phoned my mum but she said that she is sorting her wardrobes out today, so I can't go and see her and my bf can't drive, so she can't get over to see me ... There is so much that I could be doing in the house, washing cleaning etc but all I want to do today is sit

OP posts:
littlelapin · 07/10/2007 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 07/10/2007 13:43

LL - I would just put dd in the car and let her sleep on the way but TBH the thought of going with both dc's on my own is a bit of a task! Until my P&T buggy arrives(bought from a mumsnetter), then I can strap them both in but at the moment ds has to run around and won't just stay still for me to do the flowers - Have just been on the phone to my bf for about an hour, I do feel really down today I know I have said it before but I feel sooo alone and weekends everybody is off doing ther family things, which is fair enough, but it means that I have nobody - I never was good with my own company and it is even worse now, I much prefer it when there are people around, there is less time to think then. How do I start to enjoy my own company? I can't even motivate myself to do the housework, let alone get a hobby

OP posts:
colditz · 07/10/2007 14:28

Awwww MummytoTandF.

If you can just start a big clearing oput task, do you think that would occupy you for a couple of hours? I too lack motivation, but once I start it's easier to keep going. So how about tackling the kid's toy box, or the outside toys, or cleaning under all the furniture in the living room? I find specific tasks a lot easier than that awful thundercloud headed 'cleaning'

colditz · 07/10/2007 14:29

not everyone is off doing family things, I promise you. It seems like it because you are lonely, that's all, but I never do anythings at weekends and find them very hard, and that's without grief to contend with

onlyjoking9329 · 07/10/2007 14:31

weekends and evenings are the hardest, its when everybody else is busy and it does highlight things for you, people should be being flexible they should drop whatever and help out, wished i were nearer i would come and help you.
do you have MSN?

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 07/10/2007 14:36

colditz - Thanks for replying, It does feel like everybody is off enjoying themselves, have just been trauling the internet to find memorial plaques but it has upset me too much, so have been trying to find somebody who deao personalised party invitations - I can't remember if I mentioned but I have booked a party for the dc's for 4th November - I really didn't want to do anything but ds will be 3 and so is very aware that is his birthday and I know that Craig wouldn't have wanted us to miss dd's 1st birthday , the 4th November is in between both of thier birthdays but now I am looking for invitations that can be personalised so they suit the mood IYSWIM - also they need to say that it is ds's 3rd birthday and dd's 1st birthday, I would hate for one of them to be forgotton Has anybody got any ideas becuase my eyes have gone funny through looking at the pc too much.

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 07/10/2007 14:37

I'll design some for you if you want then you could just get them printed off. CAT me if you like and I'll do my best to help x

princessmelBABY · 07/10/2007 14:40

Hi mummy2TandF

Just wanted to say Hi.

I think the wording for the plaque is completely up to you. Daddy and husband is fine. Perfect for you.
I still can't believe people can't come to the lake with you.
In the week my ds is at school, all day. I could come over and go with you. I'd have dd but she'd keep Freya company.
What do you think?

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 07/10/2007 14:41

Onlyjoking - I did have msn before I lost the harddrive, now I am not sure what I have ... Am just getting myself in a state now because I have always had themes (sort of) to ds's partys - 1st birthday Noddy, 2nd birthday bob the builder, just for the invitations and cake and table cloth etc and I haven't got a clue on this one as it is for both of them - maybe a mr tumble or something? that would be suitable for both? Oh, I don't know

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 07/10/2007 14:43

Scootergirl - sorry did't see your post, taht is so kind of you - I don't think I have CAT anymore, I seem to remember an email that my subscription had ended - I will look into it now.
Princessmel - That is really kind of you but honestly, don't worry about me, I will have to get used to doing things on my own

OP posts:
princessmelBABY · 07/10/2007 14:45

No seriously its fine. You dont have to do anything yet. Its still so new. I dont mind at all.

Scootergrrrl · 07/10/2007 14:55

Email is [email protected] to save you the bother

littlelapin · 07/10/2007 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3andnogore · 07/10/2007 16:54

Mummy....I think your little Toby sounds adorable and he obviously feels the need to keep this connection to his Dad, which is only natural. He obviously draws comfort from this, and therefore should be able to continoue with this.
Sending you loads of ((((((((cyberhugs)))))))))) , as I truely am so sorry that you have to go through such tough times.

callmeovercautious · 07/10/2007 22:32

Just wanted to pop in and say hi again, we are all still here to chat to, whenever you are feeling the need.

A Charlie and Lola Party theme is a great idea! Don't go over board, they won't know how much you have spent, lots of baloons and streamers with a few themed plates etc will be fine. Is there someone who can light a few fireworks for you while the los watch? Could be like sending the Party up to Daddy for Toby?

You said earlier your Mum thought he should not think of DH in the Sky. My Nephews both think of their Great Grandparents and Grandpa as a star, it gives them a focus without having to understand the details yet. They feel a connection from it that definately helped earlier this year when their Great Grandma died, if they are awake when it is dark they look up and discuss which one is which - it is very sweet, they are 4 and 7 now.

Hope you have had a better evening.
x

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 08/10/2007 03:05

Thanks again everyone - LL Charlie and Lola is a great idea, I will try to look for some bits tomorrow. I am going to try and get some sleep now, I have a busy day tomorrow - I have invited about 7 friends round for the afternoon and they all have 2 children - the idea behind it is to keep busy and I think I will with that lot here!! Night night everyone

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Califright · 08/10/2007 03:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hazygirl · 08/10/2007 07:40

last month my grandson should have been one and his sisters age 3 and 4 let helium balloons as they go into clouds where our little boy is maybe you can do this

blousy · 08/10/2007 10:15

Mummy2 - I hope you're watching 'the Wright Stuff' on C5, it's about young widows, and I'm sure you'd find it helpful..

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 08/10/2007 12:00

blousey - No I was at Tescos, that would have been interesting to watch. Well thank you for your offer of designing the invitations but as you can see from my post last night, I couldn't sllep - yet again - so I have designed one myself (very Basic) but now I need to find a company that will be able to print them for me, does anybody know of one that can be recommended and that would accept an emai of the original? I will try to put it on my profile now so you can give your opinions

OP posts:
DutchOma · 08/10/2007 13:33

Sorry you couldn't sleep, but how clever to design this lovely invitation. I'm no good at printing things like that but full of admiration you can do it at such a stressful time.

Scootergrrrl · 08/10/2007 14:59

Try here. Well done you