Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Am feeling much much worse - I think the shock is wearing off now

354 replies

Mummy2TandF · 30/09/2007 23:23

I really didn't want to keep posting and depressing people, especially as you have all been so kind but I am having a really bad time atm , I feel so alone and I can't stop crying . All my rl friends have been saying how brave I have been but I am worn out trying not to cry in front of them They all have their own lives and they don't need me sobbing I phoned my bf the other evening and couldn't even talk, just sobbed and she said "what's the matter" I just snapped at her and said - Oh, I can't begin to imagine what could be wrong with me . I feel angry and sad and alone
Toby looks out of the frech doors every night now and says, goodnight Daddy in the moon, I love you - I told my mum tonight that he does this and it breaks my heart every time and she said that I had to tell him to stop because I will turn him into a morbid child .... Honestly, do you all agree with her?

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 08/10/2007 15:00

Whoops - have just done pretend quote and it came out at £158... Will try again

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 08/10/2007 17:47

My quote just came to £79 I must be doing something wrong - I can't pay that much

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 08/10/2007 18:25

Could you just take a disc into your local photocopying place and get them to do it for you? I'm sure they do things like that for about, oooh, a tenth of the price.
Ignore the stupid link, it's obviously for people with more money than sense.
How are you feeling today?

mistypeaks · 08/10/2007 19:57

mummy i handmake invitations and cards and stuff all the time. If you email me your design i'll do it. (no charge). [email protected]

3sEnough · 08/10/2007 20:14

Mummy2tandf - just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I know it's no help but I really wanted to just say 'Hi love' and that if you need us we have lots of internet shoulders to cry on.....((((((hugs))))))

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 08/10/2007 21:25

scooter - If I knew how to put it onto a disk I would try to do that
mistypeaks - that is such a kind offer - thank you
3senough - thank you for that hug, I feel like I need it today I surrounded myself with friends today, I had 6 mums from the Friday playgroup round (they are the ones that I have been out with at night before, so a bit more than just other mums but not really friends IYSWIM), They came at 1:00 and I did lunch for the 6 mums and 8 children and they left at 4:00pm, then gave my dc's dinner and bath and they were both in bed by 7:15pm and the evening seems so long Am just running a bath now but my mind is racing again .... I have another doctors appt for Toby tomorrow to see the doctor I originally wanted to see, I need him to give Toby a referral or something - I must track down mummypoppins, she may be able to give me some advice on speaking about Marfans

OP posts:
Bowbelles · 09/10/2007 00:04

Hi I just want to say that I think you are a very brave lady. Give your LO's a big hug from me, and good luck with Toby's appointment tomorrow.
Keep strong {{{hugs}}}

grannyslippers · 09/10/2007 01:17

Mummy2TandF, was just thinking of you tonight, hope you have a very positive appointment with the doctor and good nights sleep ((((hugs))))

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 09/10/2007 01:59

Thanks for the hugs - they are needed and thank you for still thinking about me. I am quite nervous about the drs apt tomorrow, I really don't want to come away with nothing again. I need to know that Toby is being checked regularly and then I will have to start getting dd checked over - I think mummypoppins mentioned that they can't check for Marfans until they are 5? (or maybe I heard that somewhere else) but that doesn't matter to me - I will make an apt for their 5th birthdays if that is the case, as long as I know something is being done - I couldn't bear to lose either one of them early as well And I am not prepared to wait for the inquest before the dr's do anything either, oh, this is never ending, I really don't know what I am going to do, how I am going to get through the rest of my life, Craig and I might have argued but we had been each others lives for 11 years and I love him sooo much, I can't get my head around the fact that he is never coming back I nearly make him a cup of tea every evening and I say goodnight to him everynight I can't understand why this has happened Am going to try to get some sleep now, thanks for posting

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 09/10/2007 02:11

Wow - good job I am still up, just heard a noise in the hall and when I went out there Toby was sleep walking All this must be really affecting him , I just turned him round and walked him back to bed - that was the right thing to do wasn't it?

OP posts:
arfishy · 09/10/2007 02:35

Hi mummy2, yes, that's exactly the right thing to do. Is he sleeping now?

I'm around if you need a chat, your mind must be whirling about tomorrow. I hope you get a positive outcome, I really do.

Try to have a sleep. Hot milk? I find talking books help me relax if my mind is buzzing.

I'm thinking of you x

MaryBS · 09/10/2007 03:06

Mummy2tandf - just wanted to offer you my prayers, from one insomniac to another! {hugs}

susiecutie · 09/10/2007 03:08

mummy {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

sweetheart, i think about you every day. I just cannot get over how well you are doing. i know you dont think you are, but you ARE.

As far as I am aware, a diagnoses for marfans can actually be made from any age in childhood...even ante-natally. its mainly based on genetics and if a parent or grandprarent has the syndrome. when you are feeling up to having a small read this might give you a little info

have a read when you feel up to it it may put your mind at rest a little as regards your two.

your strength is amazing lovely, and you are doing Craig proud you know? {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

susiecutie · 09/10/2007 03:18

oh, BTW, i didnt mean for you to read all the medical stuff, its pretty heavy going and difficult to understand, but there are a few paragraphs about testing etc you might find useful

sorry if too much for you at the moment

susiecutie · 09/10/2007 03:20

Just looked at your profile for the invitation. that looks fantastic! if you look down at your piccies, the invite looks just like drawings of a couple of your photos iyswim.. little one and big one next to each other!

such a brilliant idea. thay'll be SO chuffed...

mistypeaks · 09/10/2007 08:45

mummy got your e-mail. I'm on it!! Have replied. Hope all goes well today.

elliott · 09/10/2007 09:08

dear mummy2TandF - someone may have already signposted this organisation for you (I know of it through a friend who lost her husband) - I haven't read all the posts, too upsetting. Anyway I really hope you find the support you need - and keep posting here, there is always someone listening.

here

Scootergrrrl · 09/10/2007 10:18

Thinking of you this morning xx

AMAZINWOMAN · 09/10/2007 10:59

My children have also lost their dad recently. Just typing that has made me cry.
It makes me so sad that my kids will grow up without a dad-its not fair. My kids dont deserve to go through this

mistypeaks · 09/10/2007 11:08

Amazinwoman, so very sorry to hear this. You too will be supported with anything you need here.

AMAZINWOMAN · 09/10/2007 11:12

I couldnt even finish typing the last message as I got so upset. Im sad that i have seen my kids grow up very quickly. Its just sooo hard, and i dont think unless you go through it you realise how painful it is.

I have always tried to protect my kids from danger-but I havent been able to protect them from their pain. I have only been able to support them.

The hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life is to tell my kids that their dad dies. And i couldnt stop their pain. Im crying again as I type-

although i do my best as a mum-I can never be their Dad

i just wish he was still alive

mistypeaks · 09/10/2007 11:29

mummy2t&f I have e-mailed you with a couple of proofs when you get chance.

LowFat · 09/10/2007 11:37

To those ladies on this thread who have lost thier husband/partners and are now bringing up children alone.

I was raised from age 6 by my mum because my dad died, everyday she did the best she could and I have never found fault with her doing this.

You are all wonderful mothers, and although lonely for your partner you have thier children to look after and help to become adults - which is when they'll really understand the loneliness you're feeling.

Although you may not know where that strength will come from right now, it will come, and it will help keep the memory of thier daddy alive for them.

Your children will love you forever more no matter what you are going through, they will understand if you cry and they wont be affected by the odd bad day you're bound to have.

From a little girl who lost her daddy along time ago, you all have my love and admiration.

mistypeaks · 09/10/2007 11:38

sorry amazin x-posted. I think you are indeed amazin for doing what you are doing. I know I'm so lucky for not going though what you are and since this thread have thanked my lucky stars every day since. I hope that you are able to look through this thread and the one preceding it. Loads of people have offered little ideas to help you and your children through this. And there is always the support and someone to listen to you.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 10/10/2007 00:04

amazinwoman - how old are your dc's, it is hard isn't it but somehow you have to get through it day to day (well hour to hour) because o the los
I had Tobys drs apt today and much of the same really, the dr said that if there was a simlple genetic test for Marfans then he would refer ds and ss straight away, but there isn't, so it would mean echocardiograms, which he said young children would find disturbing and even then the dc's are still too young to be diagnosed - I tend to take his view more than the other dr because I do trust him. I need mummypoppins for some more advice really.
I am soory if my typing is not all that but I have a had 2 couples round tonight and we have had a bit of a crink, must admit I am feeling a bit squiffy Maybe I will be able to sleep tonight/ I can't believe it is 6 weeks today since I lost Craig .... It seem like forever but at the same time does not seem that long IYSWIM - anywasy, I am off to have a cup of tea and then will eb back before I go to bed - Take Care all

OP posts: