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Original poster

Am feeling much much worse - I think the shock is wearing off now

354 replies

Mummy2TandF · 30/09/2007 23:23

I really didn't want to keep posting and depressing people, especially as you have all been so kind but I am having a really bad time atm , I feel so alone and I can't stop crying . All my rl friends have been saying how brave I have been but I am worn out trying not to cry in front of them They all have their own lives and they don't need me sobbing I phoned my bf the other evening and couldn't even talk, just sobbed and she said "what's the matter" I just snapped at her and said - Oh, I can't begin to imagine what could be wrong with me . I feel angry and sad and alone
Toby looks out of the frech doors every night now and says, goodnight Daddy in the moon, I love you - I told my mum tonight that he does this and it breaks my heart every time and she said that I had to tell him to stop because I will turn him into a morbid child .... Honestly, do you all agree with her?

OP posts:
TenLordsaLapin · 19/12/2007 00:39

Oh darling girl

Of course you won't be "over it" and I'm sure people don't really expect you to be, I suppose they just don't know what to say. I'd imagine they all think it would be inappropriate to invite you to a party on New Years, as though they were making light of things if you know what I mean.

If you want to light a candle and not disturb your dad (sorry but I am a little about that), why not have a little votive candle in a glass holder burning? They don't smoke.

Thinking of you and the children x

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 19/12/2007 00:45

Could you get one of those flameless candles? Just so you can have it there?

ROFLharris · 19/12/2007 00:45

Don't worry about New Year's Eve, sweetheart.
There'll be lots of us on MN, and we can all see it in together.
x

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 19/12/2007 00:46

Oh sweetheart I am so sorry that I'm not closer to you as I'd love to be able to offer more practical support.

Could you not leave the candle burning in your bedroom all day? That way it would hold the scent and you can pop into your room for moments of quiet reflection when you need to.

Does it smell at all like the one Craig bought you?
Please do let me know as I'd like to send you another one if it brings you even a little bit of comfort.

Lots of love to you. xxxx

MarsyChristmas · 19/12/2007 00:48

I don't know what to say.

Just know that I'm thinking of you and your loss. We know that Craig is real and that his loss is devastating for you.

Much love sweetheart!

Califraunkincense · 19/12/2007 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinklemegan · 19/12/2007 00:48

I'm afraid I really have to go to bed, but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your dc's. And you can talk on here any time and people will always listen. Take care. xx

Quattrocento · 19/12/2007 00:54

I think what Toby said was beautiful and it's lovely that he does that.

Sorry - is there anything at all that we can say or do? Please keep posting.

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 19/12/2007 01:03

I have sent you an email

Can you get back to me ASAP?
I am starting a maternity job for triplets tomorrow so apologise if I don't respond to emails as quickly as I usually would. xx

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 19/12/2007 01:04

LL - I know that people probably don't think I would feel like going to a party and tbh I wouldn't ... but nobody has even asked me what I am doing I have suggested to a few friends that maybe they could come here and we can have some music and drinks but they are already doing things, it's fair enough, but I didn't want to sit here on my own at midnight I will be glad to see the back of this year - 2008 can only get better, I don't think things can get worse!
Christmasshinysnowflake - the candle is lovely, it smells so much like the ones Craig got me, it gives me a nice feeling when I light it, thank you so much.
The flameless candles would be an idea but don't they still smell? I am not sure if it is the smell or the smoke that affects my Dad - am still searching for an outside one now.
My mission tomorrow is to try and find somebody to come to the lake where we scattered Craigs ashes with me on Christmas Eve - I have a Christmas Card for him but have decided not to take the dc's with me, I want and need some time over there without them.
And a quick update on the rotten ranger from the lake where Craig was found - he wants everything taken away from the tree, including my artificial flowers, but is happy to build a swim in Craigs memory and said that I can have a bench put in there and a plaque - only catch is he is going to work out how much it will cost

OP posts:
ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 19/12/2007 02:16

A Yankee Jar candle and some tealights are on their way to you lovey.

I SO hope they make it to you before Christmas day- have ordered from 2 different places in the hope that one of them makes it!

I'm sure if you put the tealights in glasses they will be fine, as should the jar be

OverRated · 19/12/2007 02:34

mummytot&f and

I'm sorry your friends aren't asking you about your plans. I suspect it is easier for them not to but it is obviously very hurtfuul. I do hope you find someone to accompany you tomorrow. I think that is a lovely thing to do.

I'll be thinking of you.

x

OverRated · 19/12/2007 03:18

Shiny - how lovely of you. Yankee candles are lovely.

Lots of lovelys in this post...

SHHHHsantaiscoming · 19/12/2007 09:48

how are you today..? I hope you manage to get the candle sorted, how about burning it in another room when your dad arrives..? Either that or tell him tough.! Its your home. .

Just to let you know, there are some gifts for the 3 of you on route from santa .
xx

marmon · 19/12/2007 09:58

Just wondering how you are? Have you got in contact with the WAY foundation, i found them brilliant after Ray died. They put you in contact with people in your area who are in the same situation. You may find there are those feeling exactly like you about new years eve and need company too. It is a fantastic support network and they are always there for you. As for your friends well at the moment they just cant handle what you are going through, i had people cross the road rather than talk to me. Death brings out the goodness in people and sadly the worst. Take care and please do not hesitate if you need to rant, we are all here for you.xxx

GColdtimer · 19/12/2007 12:39

Link here: WAY Foundation

I know of a few people have said what a godsend they have been. Good luck and thinking of you. xx

ninedragons · 20/12/2007 04:47

I think I am probably one of a number of people who has read this thread but not responded because I didn't know what to say.

Christmas and New Year are going to suck, no two ways about it, but you will turn a corner. You've done such an amazing job holding on for your children when you must just have felt like lying on the ground and letting the grass grow over you.

You are in the thoughts of many, many people.

captainmummy · 21/12/2007 10:34

M2T&F - I am going to be offline for a feww days (ds will be hogging the machine now that they are off school!) but I wanted to say 'Happy Christmas and Hopeful New Year' to you and the dc, I know it will be the worst Christmas ever for you, but I hope you can stay strong for the dc.

  • these are for you.
SHHHHsantascoming · 21/12/2007 14:35

are you around m2t&f..? Just checking up on you. x

chrissnow · 22/12/2007 09:42

Hi m2T&F ('tis misty here am in disguise as am hiding from scary ladies on other thread!)Just wanted to wish you and Toby and Freya a merry (as it can be) christmas and a more hopeful new year. Hope you get through this difficult time of year as best as you can, I can almost empathise (I know - only almost) I find christmas to be difficult as i have lost a lot of dear dear family and friends during christmas week. Most of them were christmas addicts so I make damn sure I enjoy it as much as i can in testamant to their memories.

SHHHHsantascoming · 23/12/2007 20:37

call out for m2t&f...x

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 24/12/2007 00:21

I've sent her an email just to check that she is "ok ish"

If you're reading this please remember that we are all here for you.

Lots of love xxx

SHHHHsantascoming · 24/12/2007 15:00

another call out......xx

SHHHHsantascoming · 24/12/2007 15:00

another call out......xx

Lotstodo · 25/12/2007 08:54

Thinking of you today and everyone who is finding today so difficult because of their loss but is putting on a brave face for their children.