Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Am feeling much much worse - I think the shock is wearing off now

354 replies

Mummy2TandF · 30/09/2007 23:23

I really didn't want to keep posting and depressing people, especially as you have all been so kind but I am having a really bad time atm , I feel so alone and I can't stop crying . All my rl friends have been saying how brave I have been but I am worn out trying not to cry in front of them They all have their own lives and they don't need me sobbing I phoned my bf the other evening and couldn't even talk, just sobbed and she said "what's the matter" I just snapped at her and said - Oh, I can't begin to imagine what could be wrong with me . I feel angry and sad and alone
Toby looks out of the frech doors every night now and says, goodnight Daddy in the moon, I love you - I told my mum tonight that he does this and it breaks my heart every time and she said that I had to tell him to stop because I will turn him into a morbid child .... Honestly, do you all agree with her?

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 02/10/2007 23:58

mummy2tandf i know i can't help you much but a few words don't cost anything do they.
we all have stuff to deal with and i would hate you to feel alone.
life throws stuff at us and we deal with it the best we can, it does't really matter what is going on in my life just know that i am thinking of you right now and i always check in to see how you are doing. do feel free to CAT me if i can be of any help to you. and i do mean that

fortyplus · 02/10/2007 23:58

Mummy2TandF - I think 'Goodnight daddy in the moon' is so sweet. Don't worry about your mum - she must be feeling desperate for you and your family.

My dad died when my boys were 8 and 10 and they always said grandad was looking down from a star.

I have a friend whose husband died in a motorbike accident when her youngest was only 2 and he said daddy was in heaven and said goodnight and which star was daddy.

They're not morbid children at all.

There will always be a sadness for their loss but that's different - it's something that surfaces from time to time and is dealt with as and when - it doesn't blight their lives the whole time.

I think when someone dies it does take a while to face up to the reality. Typically it takes around 2 years to move forward from losing a partner.

Please remember these words and if you start feeling guilty about getting on with your life in a couple of years' time then DON'T - it's perfectly normal.

Without getting morbid myself, I've known a few people who have lost their partner and - although grief is different for everyone - it does follow the same pattern. You will find bereavement counselling helpful if you can bring yourself to go.

Thinking of you - it's very early days

GColdtimer · 03/10/2007 00:44

Me too M2tanf, I am glad you have found someone to go with you on Saturday. Take care, hope you get some sleep tonight. xx

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 03/10/2007 01:31

I am going to try to get some sleep now - wish me luck

OP posts:
justjules · 03/10/2007 01:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 03/10/2007 11:28

Jules - Thanks for the sleep fairy but she must have had a long way to travel because I finally went off at about 3:30am ish, but the dc's had a lay in today, so at least I wasn't up at silly o'clock.

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 03/10/2007 11:34

morning, dunno where the sleep fary was last night, she wasn't here, maybe she had a night off, fingers crossed she will come tonight.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 03/10/2007 11:40

onlyjoking - I don't know about the sleep fairy but the exhaustion fairy must be on her way soon .... If we are both up through the night, maybe we should seek each other out on threads and chat into the small hours?

OP posts:
justjules · 03/10/2007 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beller · 04/10/2007 11:10

Have mailed you mummy2tand f! Hope you got it ok..??
Thinking of you and we can hopefully meet up soon xxx

TresEmma · 04/10/2007 12:35

Mum2t&f - did you do the clairvoyant yesterday? Anything happen?

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 04/10/2007 13:21

Beller - yes I did get it, thanks am about to reply now.
TresEmma - Yes I did go to the clairvoyant and I am not sure really - I came away thinking that she was no good, got home and told Craigs neice about it (she was sitting with the dc's for me) and she seemed to think that it was good - She said that she could see a young man who died in tragic circumstances very suddenly who is surrounding me with a lot of love and she feels that I feel very empty and am on an emotional rollercoaster atm! She said that the death was instant and painless and that she was being told it was really nice where he is!
Also for the first time in 5 weeks I put on makeup and did my hair before I went (so she couldn't work anything out from looking at me) and she said that she was being told that I don't normally wear makeup and that the spirit world like my hair Am still undecided really but I have the tape and will play it back to myself tonight and listen properly.

OP posts:
TresEmma · 04/10/2007 13:24

Well however you want to take it it sounds like she was saying the right things anyway! I think you need to believe that now.(esp. the surround with love bit)

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 04/10/2007 13:25

Yes I know - I think I was just hoping that she would say it was def Craig or my husband or something but she didn't mention any relationship at all

OP posts:
beller · 04/10/2007 15:23

I went to see one a year after my mum died mumy2tandf, it was similar..she said she could see someone, and described the way she died, but didnt name the relationship immediately. Loads of other things she said we sooo true,and realy did comfort me.
Got your mail, and glad we now have contact..looking forward to seeing you next week xxxx

onlyjoking9329 · 04/10/2007 22:37

just popping by to see how you are.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 05/10/2007 01:43

onlyjoking - thanks, I am not too good at the moment I have been looking into getting 2 memorial plaques made up to put with the flowers at the 2 lakes, but I don't know what to do - I want to say that Craig was a wonderful husband and Daddy (don't want to put dad because he is still a daddy!), but I also feel I should put - son, brother, uncle but then I want a little message from Me, Toby & Freya that means something just to us but my friends are saying that the plaques should just be from me and the dc's and I shouldn't worry about the others .... I don't want to make them feel that I have not thought of them - My mind is everywhere and I can't make decisions on what to wear, let alone this ... I hope that thinkgs are a bit better for you this evening, I will pop over and read your threads now - then I am going to try to get some sleep and hope for some insparation. Night

OP posts:
MarsLady · 05/10/2007 02:21

Hugs and love to you!

susiecutie · 05/10/2007 02:25

hi, Mummy2TandF

we've not spoken before but i've read a little of what you have been going through. I am so sorry for your loss and what you have been going through I am simply amazed at how you are keeping going. how you are surviving and being such a fantastic mum to your Dc at such a horrendous difficult and painful time. you are doing SO well sweetheart.

I guess you will probably think i'm really odd, just chatting to you like this, but I just wanted to say hello really, and that i am often on late at night and at silly o'clock, so if you feel you want to chat or say hi, please do.

sending you so so much love and light.

susie xx

Califright · 05/10/2007 02:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiecutie · 05/10/2007 02:29

As for the plaques yo are thinking of... I think it is perfectly acceptable and reasonable that you should have your message from you and your Dc on it.

you are not being exclusive, as it is your thought and sentiment. Of course they could do the same... however, will at some point have ahead stone or plaque made for his graveside? ( sorry if that sounds blunt) I ask because, this is the place where you can put the message from ALL of you. his whole family...

thinking of you so much. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))

kjaysmum · 05/10/2007 07:15

hello Mummy2TandF, I just wanted to offer my condolences and I hope you keep finding the strength which you have shown so far for your children (maybe you can't see this right now but to us looking in we can) and I hope you can stay true to expressing your grief in any way which helps you and yours through what must be this most terrible time. So hard to find the right words for you but my thoughts are with you x

WaynettaVonBlood · 05/10/2007 07:17

Mummy2TandF - you are doing very very well. Don't rush any decisions about anything: do what you feel is right, and take your time.

Hope you managed to get some sleep.
xxxx

beller · 05/10/2007 08:36

mummy2TandF - You can put that on your plaque, and then if his family want to do something they can. Or they could put a plaque in a remembrance garden with a rose bush? You have to do what is best for you, speak to them about it..they might want to do their own thing too xx If you need me this weekend at all...even if its just to say hi, please dont hesitate to call xxxx

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 06/10/2007 02:08

I think that I will have a think about the plaques and try not to make a rushed decision - although I did speak to Craigs neice and nephew about it today and they both said just put husband and Daddy! - I finally managed to get over to one of the lakes to put the flowers down Yet again nobosy could come with me, so I begged my mum to look after the dc's while I went over on my own to do them, she agreed, so I took them to her and went off to the lake, it was rwally horrible walking over there on my own becuase I knew that I was walking the way that Craig walked on that night - I got there and began digging when my mobile rang, it was Craigs nephew, he had finished work early and wanted to know ehere I was, when I told him, he was upset that I had had to go on my own, so he came straight over and we had a little sob together and he helped woth the last boquet , the tree looks really nice now and hopefully with the artificial flowers it will look nice for some time - Well I am again going to try to get some sleep - night night

OP posts: