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Bereavement

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Original poster

Am feeling much much worse - I think the shock is wearing off now

354 replies

Mummy2TandF · 30/09/2007 23:23

I really didn't want to keep posting and depressing people, especially as you have all been so kind but I am having a really bad time atm , I feel so alone and I can't stop crying . All my rl friends have been saying how brave I have been but I am worn out trying not to cry in front of them They all have their own lives and they don't need me sobbing I phoned my bf the other evening and couldn't even talk, just sobbed and she said "what's the matter" I just snapped at her and said - Oh, I can't begin to imagine what could be wrong with me . I feel angry and sad and alone
Toby looks out of the frech doors every night now and says, goodnight Daddy in the moon, I love you - I told my mum tonight that he does this and it breaks my heart every time and she said that I had to tell him to stop because I will turn him into a morbid child .... Honestly, do you all agree with her?

OP posts:
Isawbumperkissingsantaclaus · 08/11/2007 06:24

Hi mummytoT&F, please keep posting and never worry about being selfish. We are all thinking of you. Hope the party went well and you are not too overwhelmed by it all. Take care of yourself xxxx

WaynettaSlob · 08/11/2007 07:22

Just adding my message of support Mummy2TandF. I hope you all had a nice party on Saturday, and that you've managed to get some rest since.

xx

mistypeaks · 08/11/2007 10:09

And another one (who'll be riding shotgun with mummypoppins!!). Really hope you are ok. you've got my e-mail address too should you need it.

WaynettaSlob · 08/11/2007 22:14

Are you around, Mummy2TandF?

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 08/11/2007 23:28

Hi everyone - yes I am around, sorry I haven't posted for a while but I have been a bit down and sort of went into myself - the last week or so has been quite overwhelming and I now have the thought of Tobys birthday on 14th and mine on 26th ... there just seems to be too many "special" days to deal with without Craig I have just watched The Mummy Diaries and have been in pieces, I am concerned about Toby really and how he is handling it, it seems to be a little bit angry (and clingy) at the moment and I know that I should expect that but it is so hard to deal with He talks about Craig everyday, which is nce but it seems to be escalating and I am not sure if it is because he is really accepting it or if it is because he won't accept it. He was playing with a mobile phone today and told me that he was phoning "Craig", I had to say - you know that you can't phone daddy don't you, and he said he can because he needs to tell him to come home now - I spoke to his nursery about it and they said that Toby told the teacher there "My Daddy is fishing in heaven and it is just my Mummy that looks after me now" - He seems so confused but then so am I!
I am going to another funeral on Monday Craigs favourite aunt died last Thursday, I am not sure if I will be able to deal with it really but I need to go .... for aunt Pat, for me to say goodbye and for Craig.
Beller - Thank you so, so much for the cake it really was out of this world and really helped me out.
Secretsanta - yes I did get the email and replied I think once again thank you so much. Without the friendship I have had from mumsnet I don't know what I would have done

OP posts:
WaynettaSlob · 09/11/2007 07:26

Oh Mummy2TandF it's really all happening at once for you isn't it .
Have you spoken to a bereavement counseller about Toby (and maybe about you too?)
Have you planned something special for Toby's birthday? Sounds like you could all do with an extra special day.

DutchOma · 09/11/2007 08:59

It seems to me that Toby has quite a grasp of things, for his age. I forget, will he be three or four on the 14th?
Thanks for posting anyyway, we've all been hoping we could DO SOMETHING for you, but understand that you need time for yourself to come to terms.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 09/11/2007 09:45

He will only be 3 on 14th, it is soo young for this to happen to him

OP posts:
DutchOma · 09/11/2007 13:15

Yes you are right of course. But he will also be stronger because he has had to deal with it and because he has seen how strong you are in dealing with it. I know you will say you are not strong at all, but you have dealt with it and you are dealing with it and you will come through the other end. Meanwhile we are here to do whatever we can to support you

beller · 09/11/2007 13:25

youre more than welcome hun...was my pleasure!
Text me back when you feel ready for an evening maybe with dvd or something xx

marmon · 09/11/2007 18:32

I have never left a message on here before but the grief you are going through was me nearly 5 years ago. My partner died suddenly when i was 5 months pregnant with our son and my daughter was 5. i know exactly the pain you are going through, when you described going out to dinner and feeling not part of it i remeber that so well. I felt so detached from everything and weekends were awful. All i can say to you is things will get better, it will take a time and i will not lie to you the pain never really goes away, but you will smile again and remeber him without breaking down in tears. At the moment i am sure you are still numb with shock and feel like you are carrying a very heavy load. Please feel free to ask for help i am on mumsnet everyday and would be happy to listen. Thinking of you and your children.xx

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 13/11/2007 18:20

Marmon - Thanks for your message
DutchOma - Thank you do much for ds's birthday card, it arrived today.
Am a bit down to post again atm, am not really looking forward to ds's birthday tomorrow, although he is soooo excited I think I will be able to get by just on his excitement. I am not expecting anybody round until the afternoon, so the morning will be hard but we will get through it .... can't believe it is 12 weeks this evening - It seems like an absolute eternity, but like only yesterday aswell Will try to post later

OP posts:
Spink · 13/11/2007 18:46

hello lovely lady.
I hope tomorrow is the day you hope it will be. And that tonight is not unbearable. Thinking of you and your Craig - had a look at your photos again - my heart goes out to you

DutchOma · 13/11/2007 18:51

Thank you for posting Mummy2TandF, I do think of you so frequently, especially on Tuesday evenings.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 13/11/2007 23:57

I have just finished wrapping ds's presents and writing his card - I am in floods of tears, his birthday seems harder that dd's, I think it is because I have memories of his last 2 birthdays with Craig here and it is sooo hard to comprehend that he won't be here tomorrow ... I would normally have bought a card from me and Craig and then a brother one from dd, but I didn't want to sign the card with only Mummy, so I have just got the 1 card and signed it from Mummy and dd .... Craigs parents are coming down tomorrow afternoon (the first time in about 6 weeks ), I really hope that they bring dd a present for her birthday when they come because she hasn't had anything from them yet and I will have to say something if they haven't - Craig would have had words with them (they seem to treat ds and dd very differently) and I don't think it is acceptable for them to ignore dd's 1st birthday - especially after what has happened. Am going to try to get some sleep now and hope that I don't wake up with ds in my bed again (like I have for the last week!) Cheeky monkey!

OP posts:
Wotz · 13/11/2007 23:58

Mummy2TandF

[[[[[huggsss]]]]]]

thinking of you

Wotz · 14/11/2007 00:06

Stay strong, it will be a good day because it is a celebration of your ds birth when you were both there. No one can take that memory away from you.

wrinklytum · 14/11/2007 00:13

Thinking of you and your baby xxx

slim22 · 14/11/2007 00:56

Happy B-day to Toby!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you 3.

DutchOma · 14/11/2007 07:42

Happy birthday dear Toby.

trockodile · 15/11/2007 14:27

Hope you are ok -I often think of you and wonder how you and your children are getting on. Best wishes...

Wotz · 16/11/2007 21:29

Thoughts are with you all x

onlyjoking9329 · 17/11/2007 10:24

Still thinking of you.

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 17/11/2007 23:37

Thanks again everyone for still thinking of me - it seems like I have been on my own forever but it will only be 13 weeks on Tuesday .... ds really enjoyed his birthday and was so excited all day, I had a really bad day and have not been too good since. I went out last night with 5 other mums from the group I go to on Fridays and quite enjoyed myself but have had a really bad day today - have been crying since the dc's went to bed. One of my friends phoned, she went over to Belhus (where Craig was found) on Thursday and the ranger asked to speak to her, he has told her that I have to remove everything from the tree by the end of the month or he will have to do it because he doesn't want a permanent shrine there , I know that I am not able to get over there much with the dc's but I had the artificial flowers made and felt happy that they were there, also we have some pictures of Craig on the tree .... I am so upset, I don't know what to do.
I know that I have the bench and the other set of flowers at the lake where we scattered Craigs ashes, but Belhus was where he actually died and it is important to me that I have something there, he has left my friend a phone number and said I can phone him if I want - I think I will ask Craigs nephew to talk to him and find out if we have any other options, I am too upset

OP posts:
controlfreaky2 · 17/11/2007 23:49

didnt want you to feel unanswered m2tandf.... so sorry things are still so hard. sounds like you've had a lot of difficult milestones to deal with very soon after your bereavement . be kind to yourself, wont you. dont expect too much and do whatever you need to do to get through each day. thinking of you.