Am feeling much much worse - I think the shock is wearing off now

[Mummy2TandF]

I really didn't want to keep posting and depressing people, especially as you have all been so kind but I am having a really bad time atm , I feel so alone and I can't stop crying . All my rl friends have been saying how brave I have been but I am worn out trying not to cry in front of them They all have their own lives and they don't need me sobbing I phoned my bf the other evening and couldn't even talk, just sobbed and she said "what's the matter" I just snapped at her and said - Oh, I can't begin to imagine what could be wrong with me . I feel angry and sad and alone
Toby looks out of the frech doors every night now and says, goodnight Daddy in the moon, I love you - I told my mum tonight that he does this and it breaks my heart every time and she said that I had to tell him to stop because I will turn him into a morbid child .... Honestly, do you all agree with her?

Things must just feel like they are dragging you down right now sweetheart

But you know what; tunfortunately, given how much you all loved him this could not be anything else but a shitty time for you, but you are doing so, so well to keep going. I can tell from your posts that you are a truly wonderful Mummy and Craig must be looking down on you feeling incredibly proud.

Who owns the land onto which you have things laid? I would be inclined to make contact with them directly, rather than to the Ranger who may be trying to do his job, but does not really understand how much it means to you all to have something there to remember Craig by.

Please do let us know if there is anything practical we are able to do for you.

Thanks both of you - I think I will need to speak to the ranger first before I do anything else because he wants to take the things away if I don't remove them by the end of the month
Control - I have had quite a few "events" to deal with so soon after and I feel exhausted, I still have my birthday and Christmas to go aswell .... don't really want to go to bed now because I just lay there sobbing - thank heaven for MN!

Oh m2t+f.So sorry,have just read your op.Have a big hug.Do you want to talk?

I have just emailed you.

Sorry things are so awful for you I wish there was more we could do. I will be in touch again tomorrow xxx

FWIW,I think your relative is out of order.If this brings comfort to your little boy then it can only be positive.Take care xxx

CSS, thanks have added you
I have stopped listening to my relatives tbh, ds is my son and I have to do what I feel is right .... Plus Craig always went mad when I have done what my mum says, he was my strength, always reminding me that we did lead our own lives and had our own family and that I shouldn't be controlled by my mum ... I miss him so much

thinking of you mttanf
you are doing so well. just take each dayas it comes -well done making tobys birthday so happy for him
the ranger sounds out of order....hope you can resolve it
thinking of you x

{{{{{{{SWETHEART}}}}}}}}}

Oh - I love your name C+E ... can I just say - would I lie to you? - sorry couldn't resist, it brought back memories

glad to make you smile!!! if you were here i would sing it to you - no hang on that might make you weep!

Seems to have been a while since I have smiled when on my own, so thank you for that ... I think I even have the single here somewhere.
I am so tired but I don't want to go to bed, while I am on MN I can keep my mind on other things

M2T&F - abuot the ranger, how about if yuo bought a small plaque and attached it to a tree near to where the flowers etc are? Surely they couldn't object to that? Only a small one like they have in public gardens explaining which tree you are looking at.

sparkeybabe - I asked that when it happened and he said that I wasn't allowed to attach anything to the tree - that's why I went for the flowers instead, I was also about to order a plaque on a stake IYSWIM, so that it wasn't on the tree but in the ground in front of the tree, but it seems that this won't be allowed either I will ask Craigs nephew to speak to the ranger tomorrow and see what our options are if any

Hi M2T&F I'm still around and thinking of you. Is there the possibilty of planting a tree or shrub or something living in memory. It would be only you and your family and friends who knew what it represented and friendly to the environment so surely the ranger can't object to that??

(I think M2T&F I would attach the small plaque or stake or whatever and wait for them to notice it) - I'm whispering!

mummy2TandF - I was going to suggest the plaque too... Speak tot he ranger and ask what he would be willing to have?
I have 2 more weeks left at work, then im off..so maybe sort something out for a meet beginning of dec? xxx

Beller - it would be great to meet up again, I will text you.
I called Winstons wish last night and they are sending me a couple of booklets to explain how the under 5's deal with grief, I am really not too sure how ds is He said that he hated Daddy yesterday and when I asked why he said "because he doesn't live here anymore" I told him that if Craig had the choice he would never have left us and that if he could come back he would, but that when people die they can't come back Ds sort of switched off and went to play, so I am hoping the booklet will help me a bit. It's my birthday on Monday and ds is sooo excited (I think he thinks he will get more presents)but I don't want it to happen, we had nice plans for my birthday this year and I don't want to have a birthday without Craig ... he has been wth me for the last 12 birthdays .... why does all this have to happen

I'm so sorry. Anything I can do to help?

i hope winstons wish stuff is helpful, this is all so hard and i feel so sad for you all

The booklet from Winstons wish hasn't arrived yet, the post here is awful! I have started to feel sick at the thought of my birthday and am trying to ignore it but my family won't let me, they have booked for us to go out for a meal on Monday evening, my friend is going to come over and sit with the dc's (they will be in bed) But I don't really want to go, this sounds horrible but my sisiter is coming and bringing her new bf - She is sooo gushing with love atm and I could really do without it - I know that that is selfish but if I have to go out for a meal then I would prefer it to be just the family. My mum has offered for us to go to her tomorrow for a Sunday lunch and then for the 3 of us to stay the night, so we are there on Monday morning, but when ever people suggest anything to me I sort of go numb and can't make a decision, I don't really want to do it but then I don't want to be on my own either - My brain is in such a mess atm!
Can anybody remember the name of the mnetter who painted those gorgeous canvas pictures? I have been searching through all my photos and I don't have one of the 4 of us My dad had a nice one taken at the hospital when I had dd, but I have asked him for it and he said he has deleted it , so I wondered if she would be able to "make" a picture of the 4 of us from individual photos if that makes sense, also wanted to check how much it would be - I will try to do a search now for old threads.

Wow Kermit - That was quick, that was actually the thread I was thinking of but it was ages ago wasn't it - Maybe I will look at the services offered page or try to search for something more recent - Thanks though

Happy Birthday M2T&F. xxx

Happy Birthday!