Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

@DazedandConfused27

I'm so sorry about your dad. I can only imagine how these last few days have been for you. It's so very hard.

My heart breaks for him and for our family who will never recover from this.

This is exactly how I feel.

My dad has been crying and has been so broken today. I'm so worried for him while still grieving myself.

@DazedandConfused27

I'm so very sorry. However awful this is, your dad is at peace now. Nothing can hurt him any more and he will have known you loved him deeply. That will never change

Thank you for the comments it really does help.

@Sisterlove I know how you feel. The rational part of me knows that we will adjust and the pain may ease with time. But our family dynamic will never be the same. My dad was the one who did everything. He booked our holidays, rallied us around for family meals, he was the one who injected the fun into our lives. And without him I just don't see anything being right or happy again.

@DazedandConfused27 I am so sorry 🙏
I'm sorry I haven't been here. Been in a bad state but coming out again now.
@Sisterlove your words were a comfort. Good to read this morning.
I feel so alone in a way... But I know I am not.
You here understand.
Lots of love to you all.

This thread has helped me beyond word feel like it's my safe place to say whatever I feel and won't be judged. Sadly people in 'real life' don't have that skill around grieving people @Spiritwriter xx

No, they don't. I suppose it is hard. I think back to people. I know who lost their mums and I think I wasn't supportive at all. And when they look OK, you think they are all OK.
I was wrong.

And when they look OK, you think they are all OK.
I was wrong.

So true.
I don't know when I'll return to work, as I cant even think about it right now, but with current WFH arrangements, I'm glad I don't have to see people when I go back.

My family dynamic won't be the same either Dazed.
Mum was pivotal in our whole family.

Mum going has knocked my dad for 6. I just hope and pray we make it through this year and beyond with him.

So true @Spiritwriter my cousin lost her mum to cancer 7 years ago (my aunty and mums sister) and I have since apologised to her for not realising how bad it was she said she understands and that no one truly gets it until they go through it.

Completely agree about looking fine I can be walking through the park, town, supermarket and just burst into tears at the drop of a hat but someone 20 yards before would have no clue

@DazedandConfused27

I'm thinking about you. I know how difficult it is.

@mrssunshinexxx

I know what you mean about not realising how it feels. I don't think it's possible to know how it feels unless you've been in that position.

I've got a friend who lost her DS (murder) a few years ago and even as she's supporting me as best she can now, I simply cannot know how it feels to lose a child, even though the pain would be unimaginable.

It's all so very difficult.

Gosh yes that is horrific beyond words how awful ! There are some hideous people in the world and they should be the ones that die. @Sisterlove

Morning. How is everyone doing today?

Sorry... Messages only when up after post.
Horrendous for your friend @Sisterlove 😔
So much sadness in the world.
These tragedies.... 😢

@Spiritwriter
Morning...another day of waking up and knowing Mum is gone.

The world in general is something else altogether with this Pandemic. Just an unreal place to.

A friend messaged me by way of support. She lost her mum 22 years ago (before I met her) and was saying losing a mum leaves such a big hole in your life, but over time the pain will ease and we remember all the good times with fondness.

Logically, I know this must be true, or nobody who lost a loved one would ever have happiness again.

We're all in the early stages of grief and our feelings are to be expected. The funeral is next week...I'm both dreading and wanting it over.

Morning @Spiritwriter

The days are all blending into one here. I have zero energy to do anything and am being snappy with dc. I have had severe muscular pains in my legs which sounds trivial but it wakes me up in the night. Dp thinks it is stress and tension related but having just dealt with cancer for the past month all I can think is that it's something sinister.

I can't seem to get my head around the fact that I will never see or speak to my dad again. However long I live, my life will never include him again. It's such an overwhelming thought.

@Sisterlove I know how you feel about the 'hole'. Logically there must be happiness and healing again somewhere down the line but that hole will always be there :(

@DazedandConfused27

I can't seem to get my head around the fact that I will never see or speak to my dad again. However long I live, my life will never include him again. It's such an overwhelming thought.

I get it. I'm sitting here now thinking the very same.

I'm usually quite a resilient person, but just feel at a loss with the sadness right now.

Nothing feels right. I can't see when I'll enjoy anything again....not that this world has things you can do for enjoyment anyway at the moment.

Nothing seems normal anymore. It's all so strange right now.

@DazedandConfused27 I am so sorry. And please be kind to yourself. Talk to your doctors about your worries about your health. Rest. Rest. Be kind.
I wish I could send you a real hug.
Sending love out to you all.
I am struggling to move through it today.
It is a toll to pay for the closeness. But I would never exchange that for an easier grief.

Hello @Spiritwriter and everyone. Sending supportive thoughts and strength to all. I've been finding things hard again recently. It'll soon be 4 months since my mum died and I keep having the weirdest feeling....as though it's all been a horrible joke but it's gone on for long enough and she can come back now, please. Then I have to remind myself that this is forever and she's never coming back.

The picture of her in my head is so vivid that I still can't believe she isn't here. Because of the last lockdown I had to leave her house after the funeral and come home - I live several hundred miles away. I haven't been able to go back and while DSis and I cleared quite a lot of things away right after she died, there's so much there. All her clothes. All her personal little things. I can't get back to deal with any of it and I know I'll be in pieces when I finally can return. I'm dreading it. And yet I long to be there, it's the house I grew up in and it still feels like my real home.

@Brillig that is so hard 😔
It will be hard indeed, but there will be much comfort. My mum's home is also my family home. No comfort with siblings at all but do have my dad. I find going there hard, but also... There is something very special.
I don't go very often, but when my dad goes it will be dreadful. I won't want to leave.
Is there any chance you can keep the house? And... Take your time.
I totally know what yiu mean about the time. Me and my dad have said the same. My dad has, 'OK yiu can come back now that's long enough'.
It does get harder then it seems there is a different stage. I don't know. I am quite a few months on from yiur time. Yiu had a close relationship with yiur mum like I did with mine.
It is hard.
I talk to mum every day and she is there. I don't doubt it.
Xx

Hi all,
It's a difficult day for me. Like Brillig I keep thinking this can't be real. My mum is gone forever. It's so hard.

My dad is like a lost sheep. Seeing him in bits makes it so much harder.

I just can't see any joy in life anymore. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to...I just feel numb when I think about life.

I just think of saying that hopefully (no covid) the whole family will be able to spend Christmas 2021 together, as we couldn't in 2020.

Who knew she wouldn't be here. I just never saw this coming. A bolt from the blue. Turning my life upside down.

Hi Everyone, I haven't posted on here before so firstly I am so sorry to read all of your losses, I lost my dad 8 weeks ago and was looking for some advice.

I am really struggling, feeling very flat and low, feel huge anxiety over everything and generally not feeling like this is getting any better. I work and home-school during the week but most days end in tears and me just wanting to curl up and rest. Is it 'normal' to feel so low after 8 weeks, and is it unusual to want to take some time off sick after this length of time has passed? Dad's death was very sudden, total bolt from the blue and he was only 60 but I worked through it and didn't stop at the time. Any advice from anyone is very welcomed as I am really struggling. Thanks.

@Benhew i don't think there's any such thing as normal when it comes to grief. There is no right or wrong way to feel. You won't suddenly just get to a certain point and be cured of your grief. It's something you will live with now in varying degrees. 8 weeks is still a pretty short period of time too. I feel for you, I lost my dad a week ago and am busying myself with funereal plans and sorting things out. But I still get floored by a sudden overwhelming surge of grief sometimes. The knowledge that I won't ever see or speak to him again is too much to comprehend.

@Sisterlove sending hugs to you. My mum is struggling a lot with the loss of my dad so I understand your worries. I have been staying with her while also trying to keep dc in check at home and not disrupt him too much. It's hard being everything to everyone and dealing with your own grief too.

We have spoken to the funeral director today. I am dreading it so much.

Thanks @DazedandConfused27 for taking time to reply even though it is such early days for you. Speaking to the funeral director was hard as it all became reality, I remember that feeling well. I remember feeling shocked and numb until the funeral, the day after that it was like I woke up and the sadness descended. I think I'm working through the phases, I spent 2 weeks in a angry rage and now I just feel depressed and tearful. It is so hard, my dad was so close to us all, I feel like I've lost part of my carefree mum too and family life will never be the same. I am thinking I may go to the GP, I'm not sure how helpful they will be but I'm no use to anyone like this!

Hi to all. Lost my wonderful mum this past Wednesday to Covid. She was 98 with severe dementia so I have to think of her passing as a blessing. As a person of faith I believe she is with my dad now and happy and pain free.

But that part of me that's still Mum's little girl is broken hearted.

Honestly @Benhew and I'm sorry you probably aren't going to like this answer, I'm 9 months down the line and cry multiple times every day. I can be out and about alone and it just hits me like a tonne of bricks, yesterday I was hovering at home and I just starting uncontrollably wailing. It is excruciating and I cannot imagine it being 'better/easier' any time soon. Worse I fear is coming her birthday is in a couple of weeks then we are spreading ashes then it will be 1st anniversary of her death. Can't believe it
Sorry I don't have a more positive response for you, like you my mum died completely out of the blue at 63 , 6 weeks before I had my first baby. So cruel isn't it

Thanks @mrssunshinexxx I am very much the same, i can be going about my business then I begin crying uncontrollably and it feels like I won't stop. So sorry you still feel this way after 9 months but I totally understand why. The suddenness of it is what is hard, I think from reading earlier posts your mum may have passed in a similar way to my dad, an hour before he was fine and healthy, no warnings we knew of. It is so cruel. I think the lockdown isn't helping, not being in the office or doing school runs and keeping busy that way isn't helping. As much as I don't like the hear of others suffering, I feel reassured to know i'm not alone. Thank you!