Support For Anyone After The Loss Of A Parent.

[Mummylin]

I hope this thread will be as supportive and welcoming as we have had in the past. It is so heartwarming to see the support you all give each other. Wishing you all well. 💐

I am trying to send the poem and struggling!

Hi everyone, I walked the dog for longer than expected so only just posting the poem now - if i can! @ mrssunshinexxx
@DazedandConfused27 I am so sorry. I feel for you, and @UncomfortableBadger has shared good wisdom.
Do tell him. And even when they are beyond the veil. Tell them. Tell them with open heart how much they mean. Love doesn't die. Tell them while they are here and you can hold him.
I am not feeling as strong as I was yesterday, but I do want to share this poem with you. A dear friend sent it to me, as she said when she read it, it made her think of me and mum. Our relationship is captured in it.
Maybe you will feel this too, about your mum or dad. Warning - it goes straight to the heart. I am not in the right frame today to read it. But it is always there.
And I found it an honour to find these words that encapsulate the nature of such a relationship. I offer the words up to my mum whenever I read it.

Love to you all.

I'm sorry, I'll try again...I don't think you can actually read that as it is. I am pasting it below:

Invisible Kisses

written by Lemn Sissay

If there was ever one
Whom when you were sleeping
Would wipe your tears
When in dreams you were weeping;
Who would offer you time
When others demand;
Whose love lay more infinite
Than grains of sand.
If there was ever one
To whom you could cry;
Who would gather each tear
And blow it dry;
Who would offer help
On the mountains of time;
Who would stop to let each sunset
Soothe the jaded mind.
If there was ever one
To whom when you run
Will push back the clouds
So you are bathed in sun;
Who would open arms
If you would fall;
Who would show you everything
If you lost it all.
If there was ever one
Who when you achieve
Was there before the dream
And even then believed;
Who would clear the air
When it’s full of loss;
Who would count love
Before the cost.
If there was ever one
Who when you are cold
Will summon warm air
For your hands to hold;
Who would make peace
In pouring pain,
Make laughter fall
In falling rain.
If there was ever one
Who can offer you this and more;
Who in keyless rooms
Can open doors;
Who in open doors
Can see open fields
And in open fields
See harvests yield.
Then see only my face
In reflection of these tides
Through the clear water
Beyond the river side.
All I can send is love
In all that this is
A poem and a necklace
Of invisible kisses.

It's so so difficult in these times with this virus I was very heavily pregnant when my mum died and had been being so careful so then to suddenly have to see a lot more people was always at the back of my mind the risk but I think I'm these circumstances you just have to weight it up and hope everything else will be ok. Keep talking on here if it helps @DazedandConfused27 x

Thank you @Spiritwriter it is so so beautiful and yes a tear jerker. We had this at my mums funeral 💔

Oh, so you know it xxxx beautiful x

@mrssunshinexxx
What a beautiful poem.

I lost my mum 2 weeks ago. I'm in bits. It's so hard and feels like my life will never be the same again.

I just keep asking why why did he take her when she had so much to live for.

I feel exactly the same , the worst part is there are no answers @Sisterlove sending love x

Hugs to you all. Sending love.
Keep talking xxxx
Do whatever makes you feel easier.
I went to my mum and dad's this afternoon with the children. And it was easier!!!!
It was easier!!!!
Thank god, for that time, it was easier.
My mum still speaks to me. And she has honestly said to me 'death is an illusion.'
It still hurts. It's different. But hold on to that love. Hold onto it tight. Because it isn't going anywhere and it is there for you. To tap into. And it's there even when you don't.
Xxxxx
Anything I can do to help, shout. I am here.

Thanks so much @Spiritwriter as we are here for you too x

Thank you @mrssunshinexxx I feel I need it today.
Strange how it crashes at times. These waves.

It's so hard losing your parents at that age rttcbabyno1. My mum was 56 when she died and I feel so robbed. Please don't hate yourself, it's not your fault no one was with him xx

@Spiritwriter really strange and cruel. There seems to be so many triggers. X

I've been struggling today.
Feeling quite sad about my mum.

Hope that's true @Sisterlove x

That's a nice sentiment @Sisterlove. I feel like I shouldn't be posting here as my dad is still with us but I know many people here will have gone through this same horrendous time and know how heartbreaking it is. I'm waking in a panic most nights terrified about how the next few weeks will play out. I am spending lots of time with him but every time I leave I feel wretched inside. I'm so worried about my mum too, she isn't coping well and I'm worried about how she will manage when he's gone.

Please please post @DazedandConfused27 you are so welcome here. Really feel for you my experience was so sudden and not saying one way is easier than the other because it's not but to watch a parent deteriorate must be truly the worst x

@DazedandConfused27 You’re already grieving; you’re already mourning his loss. You belong here.

I really don’t feel like I’m coping - my period of being able to pretend it hasn’t happened is over. Other people now know and are sending messages, cards and flowers. Lovely of them but it makes it all more real.

I’m heading back to Mum and the house today - I was supposed to go yesterday but the freak snowstorm meant I couldn’t. I’m so anxious as I need to be there for Mum but I’m falling apart myself. I feel like I’m just going to make it worse for her.

You won't make it worse for her you are her daughter she will have the same feelings of wanting to protect and help you too. The initial period is awful, heart wrenching and raw but unfortunately it has to happen . Keep talking ok here if it helps x

@UncomfortableBadger I hope you and your Mum can draw comfort from each other. After my dad died I was able to spend a few weeks with my mum as I didn't want her to be alone, and I feel it was an experience that bound us very closely. We cried together and talked a lot. She comforted me and I comforted her. It was a very sad and bewildering time but I look back - now that I've lost her too - and feel very glad that we had that experience together.

Take care of yourself

@mrssunshinexxx I hope so too. In trying to keep it together, but it's hard...so hard.

@DazedandConfused27
Please post.

That feeling of waking in the night. The fear of a call from the hospital. My heart couldn't cope. The panic when a phone rings. I've been there and have so many triggers.

My dad is struggling without his soulmate. He's broken and trying to support him is hard. He said he should have gone first, because she would have coped better.

This has been the worst year of my entire life and at times I just feel numb.

I feel exactly the same even though I have my beautiful little baby who of course I adore she should of had her wonderful grandma. I won't lie it would of been a lot 'easier' to lose my dad instead of my mum she was the biggest loss imaginable for me

Thinking of you all.
Here we hold each other.
And our parents are proud of us.
They encircle us as we hold hands together.
We will feel strong and weak by turn, and stand together in our grief. Which is our love.
Remember, it comes from our deep love.
We are surrounded by love. If we can remember that in our darkest moments, we carry a crucial light.
🙏

Thank you @mrssunshinexxx, aww that's terrible, I'm so sorry that your mum passed before you had your first baby, that's just heart wrenching 😢

@DazedandConfused27 I second what @UncomfortableBadger says, I'm certain he will know already, but make sure you tell your Dad anything you haven't said already, it breaks my heart every day that I can't tell mine, I didn't say it when he was here 💔 I'm really struggling with this. I hope your mum is okay, sending lots of love to you and your family ❤️

@Spiritwriter thank you for sharing your wisdom and wonderful thoughts. It's been over 3 weeks now since my father passed, I have up days and down days. I admit, it is getting 'easier' as time goes on. Not that we ever forget, and it still hurts like mad, but it does get easier. I'm crying less now... I've found ways of speaking to him, I hope he really is here with me, because I feel like he is. It's his funeral on Thursday, it's been a long wait, due to current times.. It's awful isn't it 😞 xx